I’m Joe, the columnist.
As Mac pointed out, I’m pretty strict about female members saying things like “that would ruin the mood”（笑）.
That said, when it comes to the allowance, I do think it’s good manners for the man to bring it up. So I always make a point of discussing it. Some women, like tiara, say, “Whatever you feel is appropriate.” I think that’s lovely of them（笑）. But men’s feelings and women’s feelings often differ（笑）, so lately I’ve been stating a specific amount myself.
The allowance is a sensitive subject, so I’m sure it can be difficult to bring it up yourself. But please don’t go to a hotel without discussing it first. That can lead to trouble surprisingly often.
There are many ways to phrase it, but if you haven’t discussed it beforehand, at the very least try saying, “I’d like to talk about the allowance first—ooh, la la.” (“Ooh, la la” is important—according to my research←Joe.) If the man asks what you have in mind, turn the question around and ask, “How much were you thinking?”（笑） This advice may make enemies of many male members, but try to steer the conversation so that the man names the amount. Saying “Whatever you feel is appropriate” is also an option, but in that case, don’t forget to thank him with a smile no matter what amount he gives you. I’ll allow a slightly forced smile（笑）.
I hope both you, the questioner, and tiara have wonderful arrangements.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
For C- and D-type women who may move on to an adult relationship from the very first meeting, I need to confirm in advance, so I always arrange a private dining room.
That limits the restaurants I can use, meaning I end up going to the same place every time. It’s a little awkward having the staff recognize me, but I suppose it can’t be helped ^^;
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I’m in my sixties and feeling a bit lost.
I can’t remember where I saw it… Maybe it was on a personal blog…
A man was rather proudly saying that the smart way to negotiate an adult relationship (intimate) was to invite the woman up to a hotel room after dinner, so she would feel at ease.
The hotel he used was at least considered a luxury hotel, though.
Following his example, should I use a love hotel?
Either way, I just can’t believe it…
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
It’s not the norm, but apparently there are men like that.
I can understand that it may be difficult to discuss such matters in a regular restaurant, where people at nearby tables might overhear you.
That said, you should learn how to make the invitation smoothly. If that’s too difficult, you could simply reserve a restaurant with a private room.
But what would you do if you went into a room without discussing anything first and then she turned you down? Or perhaps she might feel it’s difficult to refuse directly and make an unusually high demand instead, thinking that would amount to a rejection.
It’s obvious that the man is in the wrong, but I also strongly encourage you to take precautions to protect yourself.
The minimum requirement is that both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.
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I’m Meg, a female member.
Oh, now that you mention it, I was asked about it after we got to the hotel room too.
I wonder if men are still deciding during dinner whether or not to invite us to continue afterward.
Still, I feel more at ease when they ask before we head to the hotel～.
Although, there are other people around at restaurants, so...
Tiara-san!
In my case, the allowance was already in an envelope too. He also said, “Please check and make sure this allowance is okay for you.”
I’m already thinking, “They made me an offer—what an ideal supporter!” so I feel way too embarrassed to bring up the allowance myself.
But his thoughtfulness really warmed my heart.
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I’m a male member from Seattle.
That’s not normal.
Just interrupt with an “Um…” and, even if you’re being reserved, clearly discuss and confirm the terms.
I find it more unbelievable that he’d just take her along without properly discussing anything. Maybe he’s a man who doesn’t even have the courage to negotiate.
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