Sorry to post while things are heated. I’m a male member with a question.
This content is machine-translated.
As I continued dating a woman, I became captivated by her talent in a particular field and gave her a substantial amount of money, genuinely hoping for her success and without any physical relationship.
I wanted to see her succeed in that profession, so I supported her as an investment—not as a mistress arrangement where intimacy was exchanged for a set amount. I told her that as well when I gave her the money.
It seemed that she was able to go abroad alone for a short-term study program using the money, and I was satisfied too. She even sent me partial images of the expense details, which made me trust her, and I was motivated to invest more so she could work even harder.
However, through a personal connection, I found out that it wasn’t a study-abroad program at all, but simply a trip for two. The images of the expense details only showed a small portion, with the amount and departure date, making it impossible to tell. When I checked, they were expenses for two people. Apparently, she had also hidden the fact that she had a boyfriend.
I understand that breaking an arrangement is my own responsibility, and that taking legal action would be foolish.
But this time, I paid strictly as an investment—and it was a substantial amount. I also have plenty of evidence from our messages and other interactions that she casually lied to me. Do you think it would be justified for me to confront her about this?
In the end, I was deceived solely so she could have fun with her boyfriend. I wasn’t betrayed as a papa (a male supporter), but as a person, and I’m deeply disillusioned and still furious.
I’m going to consult a lawyer as well, but what would you all do? I’d appreciate hearing your opinions.
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
I imagine it must have been a real shock to find out that things weren’t actually what they seemed. But this may be a time for growth.
If you blame the other person, you’re no better than a child. Try to be the adult here—force yourself to believe that you were at fault for being deceived, and even then, show the kindness to pretend you don’t know.
I think it would be good to become that kind of adult.
Of course, it’s best not to be deceived in the first place. But if you had to choose between deceiving someone and being deceived, I recommend adopting the mindset that being deceived is still the better option.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m a lost 60-something.
If the relationship is still going, isn’t that what matters? Investments come with the possibility of losses, right?
Next time, be clear whether you’re “lending” the money or “giving” it away, rather than calling it an “investment.”
A long time ago, I ended up “lending” a total of 2 million yen to a flight attendant who had a bit of a spending habit. We started seeing each other on the understanding that she would repay me by becoming my mistress, but after things continued for a while, she told me she was getting married...
She got a generous amount of money from her husband-to-be and paid me back. These days, she’s the mother of three sons.
If the relationship continues, you may get something in return. Don’t expect anything—just sit back and wait patiently!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Rather than pressing her on it, why not just continue the relationship as it is? From now on, you could simply avoid giving her such large amounts of money. As for those feelings of revenge, perhaps you could channel them in a fun way—for example, by being a little mean during sex.
I feel like deliberately letting yourself be fooled can be enjoyable in its own way, too.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Saito, the columnist♪
Well…
People jokingly say that investing is a “three-in-a-thousand” game, but only about three out of a thousand investments really work out. That’s still enough to make up for the losses.
The kind of investing Japanese people talk about seems, to me, to involve little risk and little return. Perhaps it’s a Japanese trait to have an excessively strong aversion to failure. So even when I talk to Japanese people who say they’ve been “quite successful with investing,” they usually don’t have that much in the way of assets. (And they’re excessively stingy.)
If we’re talking about a dating club—or rather, women—the odds seem even lower.
This may sound a little harsh, but instead of becoming hostile toward women, I think this is a case where he should reflect on his own inexperience for letting himself be deceived.
Of course, everyone gets fooled at some point, and I think it’s best to consider this tuition for a valuable lesson. If someone tricked you out of a 100-yen canned drink, you probably wouldn’t consult a lawyer. This time, the amount was large enough for the lesson to really hit home.
There’s a wonderful unemployed woman I follow on Instagram who is always traveling abroad, and I find it very heartwarming. Since she’s so accustomed to traveling overseas, going somewhere with her is a lot of fun too.
Thanks to her other papas.（笑)
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Joe, a columnist.
Having gone through something similar myself, I believe I understand how you feel. As others have advised, simply giving up and moving on is one option, but under the circumstances, I doubt that would put your mind at ease. Consulting a lawyer and pursuing legal action is another possibility.
That said, I feel there may be something you should do first. You may have already tried this, but shouldn’t you meet the other person just once and tell her how you feel? I think that could benefit her as well. After that, you can consider your next steps.
Of course, as you probably know, even if you were to win a lawsuit, the time and effort involved would likely make giving up now the more cost-effective option. And more than anything, I suspect that even getting your money back wouldn’t resolve how you feel.
I’ll mention this deliberately: the amount I provided was 5 million yen—not an investment. After I transferred the money, the other person disappeared from my life for a while. After all sorts of twists and turns, I provided another 5 million yen, and I’m still in the middle of it, walking down a road to hell.
I hope you’re able to find some peace of mind. Though, come to think of it, I’m hardly in a position to worry about someone else’s situation (sobbing).
P.S.
I’m always impressed by Mac’s analogies, but now I understand what he meant. Recently, I saw a story online about a man who ate an entire pufferfish and miraculously survived. No wonder the analogy really hit home. I’m never eating pufferfish again.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
As for this situation, I’d say, “Just give up!”
Let’s all—myself included—get better at judging people and try again.
That’s all!! (Haha)
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Hikoki, a male member.
I understand how you feel.
If you consider it support, I think it’s best to accept that the moment you handed over the money, you should let it go.
Since you didn’t apply to study abroad together, see her off at the airport when she left, or pick her up when she returned, unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like you had that close a relationship.
If you had gone on several dates, you could view the money not as an investment, but as compensation—or support.
Try not to expect anything in return. It may also be worth learning to have the resolve to think, “Even if I’m deceived or betrayed, so be it.”
At the same time, I hope you’ll explore ways to deepen your bond beyond money. Women are often pleased when you do almost the opposite of what men typically want.
P.S. I believe that kindness that can’t be measured in money is important too—seeing her off at the airport, picking her up from home, choosing or planning things together, accompanying her somewhere, or making time for her when it really matters.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
