Regarding the address of a man I love dearly. Could someone please enlighten me? Sorry for the long post…
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We’ve been seeing each other on a monthly arrangement for over two years now. Let’s call him A. As romantic partners, I feel we’re extremely compatible. From what I can tell, A left the club after meeting me, and hasn’t seen any other women since.
However, although A has told me his real name and place of work, for some reason he refuses to tell me his home address.
Once, jokingly, I said, “I want to know your address, A♡” He replied, “Seriously, that’s scary, so stop! lol”
Actually, I have two other men I’m seeing. If A found out, it would hurt him, so I sometimes express my affection toward him excessively in order to make him feel that he’s “the only one.”
But because of that, I’ve started wondering whether he sees me as “the dangerous type who might show up at his house.” Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to tell me his home address.
I genuinely feel that A has been intensely devoted to me for over two years—he can be possessive, and he’s even asked whether I would consider living near his local station. But even if you really like someone, is it still normal not to tell them your home address? If so, why tell me his workplace…? Isn’t that just as risky?
Given my profession, I also have quite a lot to lose, but I’m the type who will honestly share my address and other personal information with someone I truly love. A even knows where my family home is.
I also know the addresses of the other two men I’m seeing, and they know mine. I wondered whether A is simply being especially cautious with me, but if so, what explains this almost suffocating level of affection?
I would really appreciate hearing from those of you with more experience.
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
Whether or not to share one’s address varies from person to person.
The reason he doesn’t share his home address is probably that, since this is a dating club, he wants to maintain a comfortable distance in the relationship.
I think sharing his company address was a gesture of sincerity. He could have chosen not to tell you anything, but since you’ve grown closer, it likely means that although there are still risks, he trusts you to that extent.
Even if he doesn’t share his address, I think it’s fine as long as you enjoy spending time together.
If you were talking about getting married and he still wouldn’t tell you his address, then it would be fair to say he was treating you badly. But if that’s not the case, I think things are fine as they are.
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I’m Flag Maker, a relationship-club columnist.
I think many of the men registered with dating clubs want an arrangement that works for them in exchange for providing an allowance. In all likelihood, what “works for them” simply means is:
“I want to show affection and be liked in return, but I don’t want to do anything that could lead to my family finding out.”
I’m constantly reminded of how difficult it is to maintain just the right distance.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> There’s a part where you convey the feeling of “you’re the only one.”
But perhaps that made him wary that you might be the kind of dangerous woman who would show up at his home? Maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to give you his home address.
I think that’s exactly it. At work, he can handle things himself, but at home, he can’t deal with everything on his own, so I imagine that’s why he’s being cautious.
Personally, I feel that men generally bear greater risks than the women they date when it comes to being identified and recognized, or when problems arise.
Perhaps the A you’re asking about feels the same way and simply doesn’t want to take that risk.
In your case, I think you’re saying, “I have risks too,” but that you’re willing to accept them and proceed on an equal, fifty-fifty basis.
It seems to me that this is where your differing perspectives come from.
I think the difference is between people who avoid risks from the outset and those who are willing to share information despite the risks because they accept them and trust the other person.
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I’m a male member who goes by “Paper Airplane.”
I’ve been married—and consequently divorced—several times. On one occasion, when I submitted the divorce papers to the local government office, my wife had filed a request to prevent them from being accepted, so the office refused to process the divorce.
It was my fault for letting my emotions get the better of me and not submitting the papers right away. But women can change their minds dramatically in the weeks or months after signing. It then took several months to convince her to withdraw the request.
When women set their minds on getting something, they can become extremely persistent, sometimes resorting to selfish interpretations and methods to get their way.
Men are foolish creatures when it comes to thinking, while women can be foolish in their actions. A woman’s jealousy can sometimes become so intense that even she can no longer control her own behavior.
When an affair is discovered, even though the man is clearly at fault, the anger may be directed at the other woman instead, resulting in a fierce, no-holds-barred battle between the two women.
It made me think that the word “hysterical” is almost symbolic of women.
So, a woman’s heart is delicate, fragile, and easily broken—and her feelings may change unpredictably at any time, depending on her mood.
The more strongly you express your feelings for A, the more natural it seems that A would be reluctant to tell you where she lives.
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