I’ve had the same papa (a male supporter) for three years, and he’s the only person I’m seeing. I have romantic feelings for him, but he’s married, so I’m not looking for the relationship to progress.

I’m Adventure Merchant, a columnist. Reading your question honestly broke my heart, too. I’ve personally experienced falling seriously in love with a woman I met through a dating club—and eventually parting ways. We truly loved each other… Since your relationship has lasted three years, I’m sure the man you’re seeing “likes” you. Just because he’s married, or because you met through a dating club, doesn’t mean he only sees things as transactional and has no romantic feelings for you whatsoever. That said, speaking from my own experience, the deeper a relationship becomes, the more situations arise where simply “loving each other” isn’t enough to keep it going. I think both people need to make an effort. Ideally, that effort should be balanced between the two people in the relationship. For example: ● The man carefully plans every date and arrives at the meeting place five minutes early, while the woman is often late or cancels at the last minute. ● As in your case, the woman shares all kinds of personal information, while the man reveals almost nothing about himself. ● When it comes to replying to messages, one person responds almost immediately, while the other casually takes about a week to reply. I’ve personally experienced how these everyday imbalances can suddenly lead to a breakup. Since you’re already feeling this “imbalance,” I think it would be perfectly reasonable to say, “I love you, but maybe we should end things.” If you continue the relationship while feeling this imbalance, I worry that your emotional wounds will only deepen. And it would be sad to end up hating someone you once grew to love so much. With the resolve to accept that the relationship might end, you could say something like: “I want to know at least the basics, such as your real name. If that’s not possible, then let’s end things.” This question struck me less as a relationship concern specific to dating clubs and more as the kind of problem faced by an ordinary affair partner who has fallen in love with a married person. The fact that people can fall genuinely in love—even in a setting like a dating club—gave me courage, despite the fact that it’s an affair…汗 I hope happier days lie ahead for you.

I’m Meg, a female member. Oh no… I’m in the opposite position. The other day, he said, “You still haven’t told me your name, have you?” I apologized, but I ended up crying. It’s clear how deeply he cares about you. Even if he doesn’t show it, I’m sure he’s been apologizing profusely to himself. I know it’s painful, but please don’t bring it up with him.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > I have romantic feelings for him, but he’s married, so I’m not looking for the relationship to progress. That’s what you say, but being hurt that he didn’t tell you his name makes me think you may, in fact, have wanted things to progress. Not telling you his name is simply risk management. It probably has nothing to do with whether he trusts you or not—he likely never tells any woman his name. For example, even if a woman is intelligent and would never stalk him or expose their relationship now, you never know what might trigger her emotions later. If you can’t tolerate that kind of relationship, I think you should end things. On the other hand, if, as you wrote at the beginning, you truly don’t want things to progress, then it may be best to continue seeing him as you have been. That said, it seems like the feelings you had been holding back to prevent things from progressing are becoming harder to control. I think you should look for another papa (a male supporter) as well, so you can keep your feelings under control. When you’re seeing only one man, it’s easy to gradually become genuinely serious about him. As for the tickets, it seems like it would be fine to have him arrange them for you...

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. I’m not active on social media, and I’m not in a position where revealing my real name would expose the name of my company, so I generally disclose my real name. Depending on the circumstances, I might even share the company name. However, I would never, under any circumstances, reveal my home address. It’s not because I’ve ever had a serious incident as a result of doing so. It’s just that if my wife were to find out—even by the slightest chance—I could genuinely be killed (laughs). And I don’t think the woman I’m seeing wants me dead, either. Also, I’m simply a good father at home, so I don’t want this to come to light within my family. If he’s that considerate toward you, the person asking the question, then he’s probably also a kind husband and father at home. I don’t think it means he doesn’t trust you. Rather, he has decided not to do anything that could, even by the smallest chance, lead to that part of his life falling apart. One image of a mature adult that I respect is someone who can prioritize the important things—for example, someone who can deliberately be cold toward the second-most important thing in order to protect what matters most. My impression is that he’s probably that kind of responsible man. I understand that this must be painful for you, but there may not be anything you can do about it.

I’m Saito, a columnist♪ I’m probably someone whose real name would show up immediately in a search. So I imagine I simply don’t want any information to leak, no matter what. You can’t completely stop people from talking. The person asking this question may be someone who wouldn’t do that, but I think trusting people in the first place is risky. In this world, the person with more to lose is the one who ends up suffering. In that sense, I don’t think we’re truly on equal footing. P.S. When making arrangements overseas, you inevitably need to provide your real name, but I also make absolutely sure that mine is never found out. And even if I happen to learn a woman’s real name, I delete it immediately and make a point of forgetting it completely. (The same goes for celebrities’ real names. There’s nothing to be gained from remembering them.)

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. That’s a good question. It’s a very difficult issue. I think it probably depends on the person, but they may simply have a strong desire to keep themselves anonymous. Building a relationship of trust with someone doesn’t mean continuing to see them while keeping things hidden. I agree with Fran-san’s way of thinking.

I’m Papercraft, a male member. Since he’s married, that’s normal, so I don’t think you need to worry about it, and I don’t think you need to ask him about it going forward. I think it’s perfectly natural not to even tell you his age. As a married man, even an innocent joke or offhand comment can make you think, “Whoa, please don’t,” so if you don’t know anything, there’s no need to worry about that. If it’s for a concert, wouldn’t it be fine not to use his real name? If he has left the club—or was never a member in the first place—and something comes up where you genuinely need his real name, such as going into business together or renting a place to live, I think he’ll tell you then. If there’s no need for it, you don’t need to ask. The fact that you’re sharing your personal information with him while he doesn’t ask you anything in return will probably make the trust between you grow stronger and stronger. P.S. Also, if he’s your papa and you haven’t told him your real name or anything else about yourself, that doesn’t just allow him to protect himself as a man—it protects you as well. Even if you were found out and it caused some trouble, you’d be less likely to get caught in the crossfire. (A conflict between two women can get pretty intense.) Another benefit is that the two of you could continue your relationship even after any trouble. It makes it easier to maintain the relationship long-term.