I’ve been seeing a man several times, but we’ve been physically incompatible since our first meeting, and it hurts every time.
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Until now, I’d received a sufficient allowance even when it hurt, and he told me, “It feels really good for me, so I want you to get used to it,” so I kept trying.
The other day, I endured it and went through with things until the end as usual, but he was too rough, and I ended up tearing down there and had to go to the hospital afterward.
I haven’t told him yet that I went to the hospital or that I was injured.
In this situation, would it be okay to ask him to cover the medical expenses?
If I do ask, should I tell him over LINE or bring it up the next time we meet?
I’m Hikoki, a male member.
I agree with what Saito-san wrote.
If she tells you when you meet, that’s perfectly fine. Bringing it up over LINE feels a bit unnecessary.
I also wouldn’t be thrilled if it felt like she was thrusting an invoice at me. Unless it’s a substantial amount—roughly equivalent to the allowance—I think it’s better to mention it verbally. You could start with something like, “I brought the statement with me, too,” and then show it or not, depending on the situation.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
It’s incredible that you were willing to put up with so much for a man. I imagine many men would want to be with a woman like you precisely because of that.
However, if this turns into a matter of “asking him to pay” over what happened, I think it could really kill the mood.
That said, I do think you should tell him what happened without framing it as a bill. For example, you could start by saying:
“I went to the hospital and found out I had a tear down there. I was shocked by how much the treatment cost. Medical expenses are pretty high, aren’t they?”
Then perhaps you could find a natural way to ask him for some help afterward.
Of course, rather than doing this over LINE, I think it would be better to talk in person while carefully watching his reaction.
P.S. Mac has added some helpful insight. I’m sure there are men who think the same way.
Taking that into consideration, it may be best not to mention the hospital visit at all this time.
I’m not usually a fan of being too indirect, since the truth can get lost, but it may be necessary if you want to maintain a good relationship going forward. I hope you can find a good solution that preserves your relationship while also addressing what happened.
If you really feel you can’t keep putting up with it, I think it would be reasonable to tell him, even if you’re prepared for the possibility of ending things.
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I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I’m not sure how reasonable—or sincere—this man is, but if you show him the actual bill when you meet and explain that, because of it, you can’t spend time together in a room that day, I have a feeling he might be understanding.
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