I’m a female member, and I have a question about staying overnight.

I’m BB7, a male member. I don’t want to stay overnight. Honestly, spending that many hours together is exhausting for me. Sometimes I’m told things like, “I want to fall asleep hugging you,” but when it comes to sleeping, I’d prefer to have separate beds. Doesn’t it make it hard to sleep when someone’s right next to you? Isn’t this simply a matter of explaining it a little more politely, like I’ve just done here^^;? Regardless of whether the other person accepts your feelings, you should have every right to communicate them. If you leave things vague without saying anything, the other person won’t know whether you dislike being with them or just don’t want to stay overnight—and you’ll only build up more stress yourself. Besides, are there really any older guys who would be hurt by hearing this? P.S. This is just an aside, but don’t younger women sometimes refrain from saying what they really want to their partner in oddly specific situations, or worry too much about their feelings? I see quite a few questions like, “How can I say this without hurting him?” But as long as you’re mindful of your tone and attitude, all you really need to do is say what you mean directly: “I’m this way,” or “I want to do this.” When you try to cover things up or don’t tell the other person how you really feel, it leads to misunderstandings and makes everything unnecessarily complicated.

This is Mack, the column writer. I know this is kind of a second answer, but Ms. Mamiya’s response rubbed me the wrong way, so I’d like to offer a few critical comments. Regarding the phrase “papa-katsu that’s worth putting up with it for,” I really wish staff members wouldn’t write things like that. If you have to endure it, I’d tell you to quit papa-katsu. I don’t want to be intimate with a girl if she has to force herself to put up with it. Also, what does “as the representative of female respondents” even mean? I was literally left speechless. P.S. papa-katsu isn’t a job, so neither women nor men need to put up with anything at all. Ms. Mamiya, since this is your job, you should be the one to put up with it.

I’m Mamiya, the manager of the Customer Success Tokyo Unit, and I’ll answer your question. As a representative female respondent, I just want to say that I really empathize with you! I completely understand. Men can surprisingly be the more sentimental ones—it’s a rather bittersweet reality of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). You could try saying that you’re not good at traveling even with friends, that you can’t sleep or feel unwell unless you’re alone, or that you enjoy things more when you have some separation between your personal and work life. In the first place, you may simply not be compatible with men who strongly want a relationship-like dynamic. This isn’t really a papa-katsu market focused on short, transactional meetings for high earnings, so you may be better off choosing arrangements where the allowance is worth putting up with the situation.

I’m Joe, a columnist. Unfortunately, there’s no magic phrase. All you can do is carefully explain what you want. Your partner may be disappointed, but one option is to say firmly—or gently—that “I don’t do overnight stays.” As a compromise, you could suggest staying overnight only if you have separate rooms. However, on the day itself, you might end up being gradually talked into sleeping in the same room. When Joe first joined, he would quickly invite women to stay overnight, but since it often led to problems, he’s become more cautious lately. Staying over means both people may end up seeing each other’s true nature, and in many cases it interferes with continuing the relationship. So I think your policy is a good one, especially if you’re hoping for a long-term arrangement. This may not be much of a solution, but I hope your relationship goes well. Well then, I’ll be off now—I’m staying over tonight with my favorite girl, Mai.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office will answer as well. I think it might be worth explaining the following points clearly: “I’d prefer to sleep in a separate bed.” “I can’t sleep when someone is next to me.” “I’m fine with traveling together as long as we have separate rooms.” That way, the man can decide for himself whether to give up on traveling together or whether he still wants to travel with you despite having separate rooms. You might feel hurt if he’s only unwilling to do it with you, but generally speaking, this is simply a case of “there are people like that,” so I don’t think you need to take it personally. However, if he specifically wanted a woman he could travel with, he may decide to look for someone new.

I’m Saito, the column writer♪ I’m the same type as you, too. Spending a long time together is painful for me. So even when I travel, we stay in separate rooms. (Connecting rooms are readily available, after all.) It would be nice if you could casually discuss this kind of thing openly. Or say that this is how you always do it—or that a previous papa (a male supporter) let you do it that way. Either avoid it skillfully, get double the allowance, or put the burden on him and have him go with another woman.