This is going to be a bit long, but I'd like you to hear me out about how sad I feel.
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This happened on a previous date.
At first, he was easy to talk to, so I thought it would be fine, but after we'd been drinking, when we left the restaurant, he suddenly tried to forcefully hold my hand without saying anything, even though there were lots of people around.
(I told him I was embarrassed and declined.)
The room date afterward wasn't forced, and I agreed to it myself.
He was the first man I'd ever been with who had such selfish and rough S◎X.
As soon as it was over, he went straight to sleep, and when he woke up a little later, he forcefully initiated a second round right away.
Maybe it was because I'm not comfortable with men who are “large,” or maybe it was because he was so rough, but I had some bleeding afterward.
(It wasn't my period or anything like that. I cried.)
As soon as we left the room, he quickly got into a taxi by himself and went home.
Although he did give me my allowance, I felt overwhelmingly sad on the way home.
I don't think he's a bad person as a human being.
However, I felt that he treated women far too carelessly.
Is this also just a matter of compatibility?
If I were a super-ultra masochist, would this not bother me?
Also, if there are men who think every woman will be pleased simply because they're “large,” I hope they realize that they're very mistaken.
Personally, I do find “large” visually exciting, but when it comes to the actual experience, it's nothing but painful for me.
I don't understand myself why something can be visually exciting to me when the experience itself is painful.
I'm sorry this ended up being so graphic.
I hope everyone finds wonderful connections in every sense.
I’m Joe, a columnist.
People generally tend to dismiss whether sex is good or bad as simply a matter of “compatibility.” However, in your case, at least, I don’t think it can be explained away so easily.
I’m truly sorry you felt so sad on your way home. Going forward, you’ll need to take another look at how you approach these relationships so you don’t end up feeling this way again.
But what I really want to emphasize is how frightening it can be to forget these feelings—or become accustomed to them. This may be something you’d rather forget, but I hope you’ll keep it etched in your heart and use it to build better relationships. I also hope this gives you an opportunity to reconsider once again why you’re doing this in the first place.
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This is Saito, the columnist ♪
That man may have been thinking, “I’m paying you, so I can do whatever I want.”
The reverse can happen too. Mismatches are quite common.
With men like that, respond calmly and without getting emotionally involved. If it happened twice, charge him for two sessions and say, “I was bleeding, so I went to the hospital.”
If he thinks, “As long as I pay, everything’s fine,” then I don’t think there should be a problem.
P.S.
There are all kinds of people, both men and women. I hope that, among all the people you meet, you’ll find someone wonderful.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
In this case, I’d like you to send your feedback to the club.
It isn’t a violation of the rules, and since it concerns what happened during your time together, there isn’t really anything specific we can do. However, if we receive similar feedback from multiple women, we may be able to provide women with some advance information about what kind of man he is when making an offer.
I realize that may be difficult to phrase clearly.
That said, men should be a little more considerate, too.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I agree with what BB7 said.
The timing of offers and the number of men who continue seeing you are factors too, so I know it isn’t easy. But work on yourself so you can judge people properly and turn them down when necessary.
Men like that are basically the “one-night stand” type, so it might be a good idea to take measures such as refusing one-night arrangements.
That said, it’s difficult because, for both men and women, you can’t really know until you actually try.
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I’m a male member, BB7.
I’ve dated many different women, and from what I hear from them, I’ve come to realize that there are surprisingly many men out there who are terrible at sex—self-centered, treating it as nothing more than a way to satisfy their own urges, pushy, rough, and focused only on their own pleasure.
Those men are bad at sex, too, and unless a woman happens to have those particular preferences, they generally won’t be well received.
Sex requires empathy, sensitivity, consideration for your partner, imagination, the ability to read the atmosphere—in other words, interpersonal and communication skills in the broadest sense. Men who are seriously lacking in those skills and abilities are generally bad at sex and, I believe, bad at dating women as well.
Of course, there are women like that too, but generally speaking, there are more men—perhaps about four to one.
Looking at the post-date surveys from the club, it seems there are a certain number of men like this who cause all kinds of problems—maybe around 10%, I’d estimate.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, but I’m sure there are many more wonderful men at the club who would be a better match for you. I hope you meet someone great.
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