I'm a female member. Apart from the men I've met through the club, I have someone special in my life. (It's not anything heavy like making promises about the future—we simply have a comfortable relationship. And of course, he isn't my papa.) Would the male members feel more at ease continuing to see me if I told them I already have someone special? For some reason, men often seem to think they've fallen seriously for me, and that it's a problem because it feels too heavy. Even when I ask myself whether I'd want to see them without an allowance, I still can only view our relationship as something that exists within the club. Meals, private time, and an allowance all come as a package.
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I had assumed that most people were looking for that feeling of excitement and a "pretend romance," so I've generally avoided talking much about my private love life or money. But lately, I'm starting to feel confused about how to handle this.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
My relationships through the dating club are arrangements that stay within the club.
I feel exactly the same way as you do when you say, “Dinner, a private room, and an allowance all come as a package.”
That said, I believe it’s only natural to cherish, look out for, and care for the women I’m seeing. You could perhaps call it “pretend romance.”
In a relationship like this, I think it’s important for both people to understand each other’s circumstances in order to move things forward. So, when necessary, we should discuss our current situations and make sure we’re on the same page.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> Meals, a room, and an allowance are all part of the package.
Of course. I think that’s the right way to look at it.
> Should I tell them I have someone I’m serious about so male members feel more comfortable seeing me?
I don’t think you need to. Most men understand that already.
However, if you’re struggling with this now and nearly everyone you’ve seen has ended up that way, then perhaps you’re simply too charming—you have a way of making men take you seriously.
So going forward, I think it would be fine to say something along the lines of:
“I do have a boyfriend.”
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I’m Joe, the column writer.
I agree with Mac. There’s no need to mention it.
It may sound contradictory, but I do know whether the women I see regularly have boyfriends. There are various reasons for this, including keeping myself in check. With the understanding that some men feel this way, too, I think it’s best to simply keep quiet.
I hope your arrangement continues to go well.
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