I’m the person who asked this question: https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/2935. Thank you for your answers. The calm insights from those of you with years of experience really hit home.
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While looking through past questions, I found this one too: https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/2478
In U.S.T.’s answer, it said:
“Since she still hasn’t left Universe, there’s a good chance she isn’t satisfied with her current situation.”
“If the allowance she receives is sufficient, there may be something other than money that bothers her about the person asking the question.”
So I suppose that’s what this comes down to. She has various feelings, and the current me simply doesn’t make her feel secure enough.
I found out through an acquaintance who is a member, but she lied to me and said she had withdrawn from the club, while apparently continuing to receive lots of new offers—with her profile hidden. I have also suggested a monthly arrangement, but she turned it down, saying that if she relied on me, she might lose her independence. Even when she was unwell and we couldn’t be intimate, she showed a humble side by refusing the 100 I offered, saying she felt bad accepting it.
Recently, she’s been complaining that she’s too busy with work to pursue the things she wants to do and her dreams. But then, wouldn’t most people naturally think, “Why not accept a monthly arrangement and stop taking on unpredictable new offers?”
She wants to use the club to reach a point where she has enough money to have time for herself, yet she refuses what would be the best monthly arrangement. Even when I offer her an allowance, she’s too humble to accept it because she wants to become independent. But then she keeps accepting new offers, leaving herself too busy to make time for her dreams. There are so many contradictions that I honestly don’t understand anymore.
Even if she has another generous papa (a well-paying supporter), I wouldn’t be jealous, since given her level, I suppose it can’t be helped. I like her inner qualities and her goals, though, and if her dreams are being crushed, I’d rather she accept my monthly arrangement, stop taking new offers, and have time for herself.
Sorry for the long post. I’m embarrassed that I’ve gotten so worked up about this—it feels immature of me…
My question will probably just end with “Ask her directly,” but…
Honestly, what do you think she’s feeling? Is there something women understand that men don’t?
From a female member’s perspective, even if a man cares deeply about you and does everything for you, do you still feel unable to trust him completely because you’re worried that, since this is a dating club, it could end someday, or that his words are only temporary?
And what kind of man would make those concerns disappear enough for you to trust him and leave the club? I’m thinking of offering her 100 as a gesture of sincerity this time, but would that have the opposite effect and make her pull away?
Thank you in advance.
I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I understand how you feel. I’m sure you feel like there’s nothing you can do, but even if you spend another million yen, I think she’ll only continue pulling away.
You’d probably be better off spending that million yen to find two or three Black-tier women instead.
It may feel incredibly difficult and painful right now, but these are exactly the moments when you should try to view it positively—as a lesson in personal growth—and look for another way forward.
I think it all comes down to whether you can break free from her.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
This is just a hypothesis from a different perspective, so please take it only as a reference.
Perhaps the issue isn’t money or feelings, but her stance on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and her own personal rules.
For example:
- She doesn’t want to have one generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter). She doesn’t want to feel tied down.
- She doesn’t make monthly arrangements, and she doesn’t accept a large amount of money from any one person.
If that’s the way she approaches papa-katsu, increasing the allowance offered by the questioner probably won’t solve the issue. In a sense, this kind of mindset could also mean that she’s a good-natured girl with a fairly ordinary sense of values.
Since you mention that you don’t understand how she feels, perhaps it would be better to prioritize bringing your hearts closer rather than focusing on the amount of the allowance.
If it were me, I would see her as:
- A good girl who feels bad about receiving too much from one person, and who continues to meet me even though she’s receiving new offers,
and I would treat her with even more affection and kindness, first and foremost out of gratitude that she continues to see me.
Alternatively, I would:
- Ask about her stance on papa-katsu, acknowledge and empathize with it, and praise her by telling her she’s doing the right thing.
I don’t know whether bringing your hearts closer in this way will lead to the relationship the questioner hopes for, but it might help the relationship develop in some way.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
Many women worry that they’ll be left in a difficult position if they rely on just one man. So it may be difficult to get her to become exclusive, even with a generous allowance.
I think it’s fine to make the proposal and see how she reacts, but you may be better off continuing the relationship as it is and working on winning her heart.
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I’m Seattle, a male member.
As for 100, don’t insist on it outright. Start by asking modestly whether she’d be willing to be exclusive for 100.
If she’s popular, 100 for a one-time meeting is probably still too little. A woman like that likely has plenty of men interested in her. If you mean 100 a month on an ongoing basis, it might be possible.
You might have a chance if she’s getting tired of seeing so many men—but only if you’re her number-one or number-two guy.
I think the odds are low, so be prepared to walk away and maintain the current arrangement, then bring it up gently.
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I’m a male member who goes by “Paper Airplane.”
I’ve heard all kinds of candid thoughts from a girl I know who joined a dating club, but I won’t go into them here—doing so might burst some readers’ bubbles.
Simply put, this is work for her, so the best approach is to keep things at a pace that doesn’t put any strain on her.
Since it’s work, there’s no guarantee that anything she says is genuine.
It’s best not to take everything at face value or let your expectations get too high.
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