I’m new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
This content is machine-translated.
Recently,
I have a question about negotiating an allowance.
I recently received an offer, and since I thought he seemed like a good person during dinner, we exchanged LINE contacts and agreed to meet again, but we haven’t discussed the allowance.
I was thinking of bringing it up over LINE, but I’ve also seen people online saying that’s best avoided…
Would it be better to discuss it when we meet for the second time?
And is it inappropriate for the woman to bring it up in the first place?
I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I don’t think you need to worry about it at all. Just give it a try and see how it goes.
There are all kinds of men, so there’s no one-size-fits-all rulebook.
Just like everyone else has said here, I don’t mind it at all either. In my case, though, I’ve never named a figure myself—I simply pay whatever allowance the woman asks for.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
This time, the opinions seem to differ slightly between men and women:
You can ask.
You can ask beforehand.
Or you don’t have to ask.
Everyone seems to have a different opinion.
Ultimately, I think it comes down to your own discretion.
Personally, I have no problem being asked over LINE.
Why?
Because it’s a dating club.
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I’m a male member in Seattle.
Personally, I’d bring it up when we first met, or message her before the second date.
Whatever you do, make sure you ask clearly before things gradually turn intimate.
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I’m Basil, a male member.
In my case, I generally discuss the terms when we meet, so I don’t have these kinds of conversations over LINE or other messaging apps. Even when we haven’t been able to discuss them in person, I mention in my thank-you or follow-up message that we’ll decide next time.
Having these discussions in writing feels a bit too businesslike and makes me uncomfortable.
No woman has ever asked me about specific terms over LINE or anything like that. Even if she did, I’d tell her, “Let’s decide after we meet next time.” Since it’s important, I don’t think I’d feel offended or stop seeing her unless she made an unusually high demand.
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Maezawa from Corporate Planning here as well.
I think it’s best to ask about the allowance the second time you meet.
There are all kinds of men, and some don’t like being asked before meeting. So I’d suggest waiting until you’ve met and asking about the terms when he invites you to take things further.
If he hasn’t explicitly invited you but it seems like that’s where things are headed, then unfortunately—you can’t be sure he actually intends to—your only option may be to ask as soon as you enter the room.
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