I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
That’s a good question.
The answers from the other respondents are great too. In particular, I hope all the female members will take the time to read Romane’s answer carefully.
Why?
This isn’t limited to dating clubs, but especially in dating clubs, the relationship between men and women is always balanced at a certain point, and we mustn’t forget that we’re operating in an extremely unstable environment.
The piece I feel expresses the male mindset particularly well—including my own—is “恐るべし（素晴らしき？）交際倶楽部の出会い” (“The Terrifying—Or Wonderful?—Encounters at a Dating Club”), written in “When a Man Decides to Say Goodbye (2)” by 冒険商人 on Universe Group’s column site, Darling.
Women, in particular, probably can’t see the other female members, so they’re fighting an invisible enemy.
Men, on the other hand, are trying to make the most efficient use of their limited funds.
If the relationship you’re currently in is at an equilibrium point, don’t forget that the equilibrium will shift if either the demand side or the supply side changes. (If both people think, “I like this,” the equilibrium point won’t move.)
With that in mind, let’s make an effort to maintain that balance, allocate our funds appropriately, and keep doing our best—with a positive, cheerful attitude—even in this challenging environment.（笑）
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> In the beginning, he was almost overly expressive with his affection, while I was more laid-back and straightforward...
I think he was attracted to your no-nonsense personality, and at first, he probably went out of his way to win you over.
But once you gave in, he may have felt that he had achieved his goal, and consequently lost interest.
Of course, not every man prefers that kind of woman, so I don’t want to generalize. But perhaps you’re the type of woman who suits that independent, no-nonsense attitude best—someone who is most attractive when she’s being herself in that way.
If so, I think you should continue showing that most appealing side of yourself. From now on, it may be better to maintain that cool, detached attitude indefinitely. Even if you develop feelings for him, perhaps you should deliberately continue playing the role of a straightforward, independent woman.
You may not need to express your affection in particular.
Even without saying how you feel, simply asking, “When can we meet again?” and continuing to see him may work better.
> If I feel a man is starting to lose interest, should I also keep things calm and level-headed?
As I mentioned above, I think it’s better to consider ways to keep him from losing interest. But if you feel that he’s starting to cool off, you’ll probably need to take some kind of action as well.
Sometimes, the more you chase someone, the more they pull away, so maintaining a comfortable distance may be a good approach.
In my 30s—new to the club
This probably isn’t limited to this kind of club, but I think it’s fairly common for men to become distant over time.
If it were a private relationship, there might be various ways to work things out. But when you meet through a club, I think it’s understandable if things eventually come to an end. It doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong or that there’s something you caused.
He may have a reason that’s difficult for him to say, such as no longer being able to afford it.
