I’m a female member. I have a question about how often to stay in touch.
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How often do you all contact each other?
And what kinds of things do you talk about?
I recently received an offer from someone I’ve started seeing regularly, but I feel like he messages me too often. It’s not just the frequency—he sends things that leave me thinking, “What am I supposed to say to that...?”
With my other papas (male supporters), we usually just message things like, “Are you free on this day?” or “Are you okay?” when a typhoon is coming.
We don’t really have everyday conversations on LINE. At most, we occasionally ask each other something like, “How have you been lately?”
Since everyone else is like that, I assumed it was normal.
But this person messages me things like, “I caught a cold,” “I had [〇〇] today,” or “I’m about to [〇〇].” I can reply, “Get well soon!” when he says he’s caught a cold, but honestly, the other things don’t really interest me.
It’s also difficult for me to reply as soon as a LINE message comes in, so I’m not sure what to do when he sends messages that seem to require real-time back-and-forth, as though he’ll lose interest if we don’t respond right away...
This is Saito, the columnist♪
It reminded me of a certain male celebrity.
He’s famous for constantly sending not just messages, but frequent selfies as well.
Eventually, all the woman can reply is, “Wow,” or “You look cool,” and the man she once admired simply becomes annoying… It’s a sad ending.
Apparently, there are quite a few people like that.
For the sake of your autonomic nervous system, I think it’s best either to use the pauses between messages well and go along with the pseudo-romance, or just end things.
I hope Mac’s ¥10,000 incident develops further toward the end of the year.
You should definitely test whether he’d steal it if you left some £ or $ bills in there too. LOL
(I actually really like how realistic this story is.)
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In my 30s, and new to the club
I completely understand wanting to send the woman you like casual, chatty messages like that. But since it can feel frustrating when she finds them annoying or doesn’t reply, I sometimes force myself to hold back.
With someone who sees this as purely a transactional relationship, I naturally only send messages about logistics.
So if she sends you casual messages, I think that means she has a certain level of interest in you. If she doesn’t have the energy to engage in that kind of conversation, though, you’re both looking for different types of relationships, and one of you will eventually get tired.
Honestly, even though we met through a club, I’d like to exchange casual messages with a woman I like. But I realize that’s probably not easy to make happen.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I feel the same way as Ren.
It feels good to stay connected, and I’m always happy when someone is willing to keep in touch with me.
Since communicating too frequently can get tiring, we generally exchange messages once a day—one message each way.
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> I thought that was normal because everyone seemed to be like that.
It is normal. I think you’re both enjoying a mature relationship where neither of you feels burdened and you can have a good time when you meet.
> It’s difficult to reply as soon as I get a LINE message, so I’d rather not receive messages that seem to assume we need to communicate in real time, because I feel bad when I can’t respond right away…
I’m not entirely sure, but I’ve always had the impression that women are good at reading LINE messages without marking them as read. Perhaps you could do that and reply only when something seems urgent, while leaving everything else unanswered for the time being.
I imagine the man may bring it up when you meet. At least then you can see his expression, so I don’t think he’ll be too harsh about it. If he does say something, you could simply explain that you were busy and hadn’t had a chance to check your messages.
There’s no need to push yourself. I think it’s best to maintain an arrangement that doesn’t become a burden.
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I’m Seattle, a male member.
When I really like someone, I end up sending her casual LINE messages about once every three days. Is that annoying? Am I doing something wrong?
I try to restrain myself and not message her every day.
The women I’ve been seeing for a long time often message me first, too. I don’t mind if replies take up to a couple of days, but whenever I eat something interesting, I can’t help sending a message about once every three days. So Papuwa-san’s answer really hit me hard.
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