I recently became intimate with a man who had offered me an arrangement.
Before we went to the hotel, he asked, “I’m too big and can’t find condoms in my size, and I’m a late ejaculator, so would it be okay not to use one?” As for not using a condom, I wasn’t particularly concerned because I take the pill for irregular periods.
Then we got into bed, but he really was very large, and it was extremely painful. We used lubricant, but once it started drying out, the pain came back. I’m on the smaller side myself, so it was genuinely unbearable… I knew he was a late ejaculator, but combined with his size, having him inside me for about an hour became so painful that I could hardly stand it.
We took several breaks and tried again, but each time we paused, it became painful again once he went back in.
He told me I might be able to finish if I made some sounds, but it hurt so much that I couldn’t even think about feeling good, let alone make them.
In a situation like this, how can I tell him that it hurts without hurting his feelings?
He was considerate and told me that I didn’t have to push myself if it hurt, but it really did hurt, and I just can’t bring myself to say, “I can’t do this.”
Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
> What can I say to let him know it hurts without hurting his feelings?
I think it’s fine to tell him directly.
For some reason, being told they’re big doesn’t hurt men’s feelings. They probably also understand from past experience that many women find it painful.
That said, he’s likely looking for someone who’s physically compatible with him, so he may appreciate hearing that it hurts but that you’d be happy if he tried other ways to please you.
In that case, using plenty of lubricant and taking time with his hands before penetration might be one option.
But if it hurts, you shouldn’t force yourself. You could simply decide that you weren’t compatible and look for another man.
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I’m in my 30s and new here.
If you find it difficult to say no, why not try using a specialized lubricant to help prevent pain during sex—perhaps something like personal lubricant? There are many different types available, so you may be able to find one that suits your needs. It might also make the man feel more positively, as though you’re making an effort to be receptive.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I agree with what everyone has said.
You shouldn’t force yourself. As for how to handle it, simply turning them down isn’t the only option—I also think Te’s and Mac’s suggestions sound good.
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I’m a male member named Seattle.
You should keep telling him when it hurts. As for penetration, 15 minutes of vigorous activity is about the limit. An hour would leave both people sore and isn’t good for either of your bodies.
Based on what you’ve written, you and the man who made the offer simply aren’t physically compatible. It would be better to stop seeing him. Larger men are often more compatible with women who have given birth. Men like that have no choice but to look for someone they’re physically compatible with.
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I’m Saito, a columnist ♪
> He did say, “You don’t have to push yourself if it hurts,” but I can’t exactly tell him, “It really hurts, so I can’t.”
No, no—please tell him. You don’t need to worry about it.
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