I recently spent half a day with someone I met, and we had an adult relationship without him taking precautions. The ¥30,000 allowance felt too low. I fully understand that my biggest mistake was not speaking up for myself, but since it was our first meeting, I found it difficult to negotiate the amount or bring up protection. I would like to avoid meeting him in the future, but since I registered with your agency and met him through your introduction, I also feel that simply treating him dismissively would be inappropriate. I would appreciate any advice on how best to turn him down. I would also like to hear how others politely decline invitations from someone they would rather not meet again. Thank you.

I’m Saito, a column writer ♪ Please take responsibility for protecting your own body. Since I haven’t met him, I can’t say whether ¥30,000 is a high or low allowance.

I’m a male member, BB7. “My requested amount is ¥〇〇. Protection is required. I’m sorry, but I can’t meet any men under different terms.” That’s all you need to say—there’s no need to worry about finding a clever way to turn someone down. Just make “I” the subject and state, “I am…” A bad example would be: “You don’t use protection, and you don’t give me any money, so I won’t see you anymore.” That makes “you” the subject.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. Assuming you’re a woman… > I fully understand that my biggest mistake was not expressing my own opinion. But since it was our first time meeting, I found it difficult to bring up things like negotiating the amount and contraception. Regarding this, as columnist Joe says, you should work seriously on “improving yourself.” Since it was your first time meeting him, I imagine you missed the right moment to bring up the subject. However, I think you should have discussed it well in advance, when you had time—and even at the last minute, you could have said, “Please use contraception.” > I’d appreciate advice on how to turn him down politely. I’d also like to know how everyone else declines invitations from someone they don’t want to meet again. The best way to decline is to politely tell the other person how you feel. I imagine that’s all anyone else does as well: they simply communicate their feelings respectfully. Working on “improving yourself” means preparing yourself to express what you really think. > I’d like to avoid seeing the person I met the other day again in the future. This is a good opportunity to practice “speaking up.” Imagine how you would respond if he invited you to meet again, and practice clearly expressing how you feel now. Then, when he actually invites you, you can say what you practiced. That’s probably the best approach.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. > The 30,000-yen allowance felt a little low. If you didn’t say anything to him, I assume he believed that the two of you had agreed on that amount. If you both agreed to it, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that free-form relationship. However, since you’re asking about it here, I assume you were dissatisfied. From the way you wrote it, it sounds like the amount was the issue. It’s unfortunate to think that you might both have been satisfied if you had clearly stated your desired amount from the beginning. No matter how difficult it may be to say, you should communicate your wishes clearly. If you can’t accept the terms, you can simply leave. You’re both adults, so if the man gets angry about that, I believe he’s the one at fault. > I also feel that it would be wrong to disregard someone I met through your company. I don’t think you need to worry about that. As long as you remain polite, whether or not you choose to meet someone is entirely up to you. That said, I do hope you explain the reason clearly. You could simply say, “The allowance wasn’t what I was hoping for, so I won’t be able to meet you going forward.” I think that would be perfectly fine. > When someone I’d rather avoid asks to meet, how do you all turn them down? As I mentioned above, if you clearly explain the reason, I think the other person will understand.