Have you ever suggested ending the allowance to see how she really feels? I’m thinking about trying it, but I’m scared and unsure.

This is Saito, the columnist♪. In that case, why not say, “I’ll pay, but I’d prefer there not to be any physical relationship,” and see whether they refuse the allowance? It would be unfair if the person being tested had to take on the risk.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. As for “to find out how the woman feels,” I assume this probably means finding out whether she genuinely likes him. But I don’t see how abolishing the allowance is any different from simply being cheap. Rather than testing her feelings, it seems only natural to interpret it as him not wanting to pay.

I’m Rura, a male member of UC and a member of the new salon. At the heart of your question seems to be the idea that if a woman agrees to stop receiving an allowance, it proves she genuinely loves the man. Personally, I think that idea is complete nonsense. A similar sentiment I often hear is: “Even though we’re practically like lovers, I feel hurt every time I hand over the allowance. It’s not that I’m stingy, but I feel a wall between us whenever I give her money.” I think that’s equally misguided. Whether you call the money an “allowance,” an “advance severance payment,” “living expenses,” or “marriage preparation funds” depends on the relationship between the man and woman. The role that money plays can change within the context of their relationship. However it’s defined, when a financially comfortable man and a woman who needs financial support develop feelings and pursue a relationship, providing financial support should be an absolute prerequisite. Treating the money as something impure and thinking, “If the allowance—this impure element—disappears, then our relationship will become truly pure. That will prove our love,” is simply the wrong way to look at it. Let’s imagine, for example, that they met through a matchmaking party rather than a dating club, got married, and the woman chose to become a full-time homemaker. The husband gives his wife living expenses every month. Does that exchange of money make their relationship impure or something they should avoid? If you dislike the image associated with an allowance, the two of you can agree to interpret it as “dream-support funds” or “because you’re always so cute” money—whatever works. But you shouldn’t undermine the basic premise that financial support is being provided. With that in mind, I have to say that asking, “Would you be okay if I stopped giving you an allowance?” just to test a woman’s feelings is extremely foolish. For us men, the ultimate goal should be to meet a woman who says, “I love you so much—and I still need the money.” “I love you so much. I don’t need your money. In fact, I’ll pay you,” sounds more like mama-katsu or a romance between teenagers. Rather than asking, “Would it be okay if I stopped the allowance?” it seems much more effective to say something like, “I’d like to start thinking of the money I give you each month as marriage preparation funds from next month onward. Would that be okay?” That would be a better way to gauge how deeply she feels about you. That is, of course, assuming the man is genuinely that serious about her....

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. In my case, I’ve never suggested eliminating the allowance, nor have I ever considered trying it. I’m pretty sure that the moment a man over 60 suggests getting rid of the allowance, it’ll almost certainly be “Okay, goodbye.”

In My 30s, New Member Since you haven’t given many specifics about the situation or the nature of the relationship, I’m not sure what kind of answer you’re looking for. However, I once stopped giving an allowance to a woman who proposed marriage to me. I liked her too, and by giving her an allowance, I realized that I had been keeping a certain distance and letting myself get my way in some respects. So I felt that maybe it would be okay to start seeing each other on equal terms. As a result, our adult relationship (intimate) ended after a while, and we’ve had a dinner-only relationship (no intimacy) for about two years now. When we meet, I sometimes feel like I’d like to do that sort of thing again, but I’m afraid she might propose to me if I said so, so I can’t bring it up… Based on that experience, I suspect that whether a woman’s feelings are genuine has less to do with whether she receives an allowance and more to do with the emotional connection between the two of you, as well as her feelings and timing at that point. So I feel it’s difficult to judge someone’s feelings based on whether or not there’s an allowance. Some people may also think that once you’re married, you’ll be responsible for supporting your wife financially anyway, so there’s nothing particularly strange about giving living expenses to someone you love. Men tend to worry about what it means when there is or isn’t an allowance, but I feel women may interpret it in ways that are more convenient for themselves.