Thank you for your question.
I’m Kida, the representative, and I’d like to answer as well.
When you say “talking about the future,” do you mean marriage?
Let me put your question into my own words to make sure I understand it:
“My offers have been decreasing lately, but one of the people I’m seeing keeps hinting at marriage. He indirectly suggests that I should leave the club, yet he himself refuses to quit. At the same time, I don’t want to be too assertive and risk him breaking things off with me. What should I do?”
If that’s what you mean, my answer is:
“Use him too.”
You’re a woman in your 30s, so I don’t think you’re completely living in a fantasy world. You already know the answer to the question, “Why does he keep saying that I’m all he needs while refusing to quit himself?”
He’s looking down on you as a foolish woman.
He thinks a sloppy lie like that is good enough.
He assumes that trust and integrity have nothing to do with relationships formed through a dating club.
But whether you’re willing to accept that is up to you.
If fewer offers have made you lose confidence, why not completely change your environment? You could take a break from Universe and register with another club, or quit dating clubs altogether and switch to a matchmaking site.
I may be overstepping, but I hope you’ll calmly consider what this man has to offer besides his financial resources.
I’m Saito, a male member and column writer♪
I realize this may sound rude, but I’ll say it anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with starting to think about a future with someone you met through this, but you probably feel uneasy wondering whether he might eventually meet and date another woman through a dating club—essentially cheating on you.
(I assume you’re putting up with it because you’ve seen at least a little sincerity and kindness from him.)
Just as you’re meeting multiple men, you probably assume he’s seeing multiple women too—especially if he hasn’t withdrawn from the club.
> If he says you’re all he needs, why hasn’t he quit himself?
Unless the sincerity you’re talking about is “objective” and “clear,” this is just pretending to have a serious romance. There are plenty of men like that around me.
I agree with what the male member said in his response: if you’re going to do it, commit to it completely…
Best of luck.
If it doesn’t work out, it’s still one more experience.
Maezawa here with some answers.
> What happens if I take a leave of absence?
Taking a leave is almost the same as withdrawing: your profile will no longer be visible on the member page.
However, if you return within about six months, you can reactivate your membership simply by contacting us.
If more than six months have passed, we may ask you to come in for new photos, but this isn’t mandatory, and there’s no additional screening, so you can still reactivate your membership as is.
Withdrawing means registering again, so you’ll have to come in for an interview. Since you passed the screening once already, I don’t think you’ll be rejected, but you’ll still need to go through the standard screening process to re-register.
Withdrawing and taking a leave are similar—the men can’t see your profile either way, so they can’t tell the difference between someone who has withdrawn and someone who is on leave—but taking a leave makes it easier to come back later.
> Will it say something like “This person is currently on leave”?
No, it won’t.
That said, sometimes a male member will pretend not to know and ask, “Did ◯◯, who suddenly disappeared, withdraw? That’s too bad. Or is she just on leave?” In those cases, staff may tell him, “She’s on leave.”
Still, since someone on leave isn’t active just like someone who has withdrawn, I don’t think many men get particularly upset about it.
> Even though he talked about the future as if he wanted to have me all to himself...
I think it depends on whether the conversation also acknowledged that it couldn’t be helped if he wasn’t able to have you exclusively, or whether he was saying he wanted exclusivity no matter what.
Even so, if he talked as though he wanted you exclusively, I imagine he would be happy if that actually happened.
> Would male members be happy to learn that a favorite woman had taken a leave of absence?
If it were someone who had talked about wanting her exclusively, I think he would be happy—but he might also wonder why she took a leave instead of withdrawing completely.
Also, if he liked her enough to want exclusivity, she probably wouldn’t need to take a leave. If she does, though, she should clearly explain that she took the leave for his sake. Otherwise, some men may assume she took a leave because she wasn’t receiving many offers.
> Why would he keep participating himself while saying, “You’re the only one I need”?
Some men have said things like, “Since I was able to have you exclusively, I’ll be withdrawing too—or at least I won’t be making any offers for a while. Sorry.”
On the other hand, I’ve also heard women say, “I was surprised at first that he was making offers to and going on dates with other women even though he was seeing me.”
So, it seems to vary. Some men continue making offers openly and actively.
