This is Mack, the columnist. Rather than a question, I’d like to hear everyone’s opinions.
This content is machine-translated.
This is related to the question about “taking a bath,” but there’s a girl who takes 10,000 yen from my wallet every time we go on a date.
I like her, so I have no intention of cutting her off, but I’m wondering what I should do.
In my head, I keep going back and forth between: 1) continuing to observe her behavior as a kind of field study, or 2) hinting at it by saying, “If the allowance really isn’t enough at 50,000 yen, should we make it 60,000?” I’d say I’m wavering between options 1 and 2 at about a 4:1 ratio.
Honestly, whether I’m out 10,000 yen more or less makes no difference to me. But I feel like it isn’t exactly good for her personal growth. At the same time, I have absolutely no complaints about anything else, and I don’t want to rock the boat and ruin this happiness.
Feel free to lecture me or say whatever you like—I’d appreciate your thoughts. I’d like them to give me something to think about.
I’m Saito, a column writer♪
Ooh, she sounds like an interesting woman.
One of the appealing things about dating clubs is getting to meet all kinds of people.
Though I’m sorry to say this, I think I’d go with option ②.
- I’d mainly be testing whether she’s quick-witted enough to realize, “He knows I skimmed 10,000 yen off the top…”
Then, if she skimmed another amount later, I’d say, “Do you need another 10,000 yen?” and add another 10,000 yen on top.
I’d keep playing along indefinitely.
↑ Since she clearly likes Mac, it might be better for him to leave things as they are. But I enjoy observing people, so I’d take the opposite approach and have fun with it.
(That said, this is assuming I wouldn’t really care if things ended.)
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Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well.
Since you seem intent on continuing your “behavioral observation,” maybe you should just keep observing them as you are.
As others have mentioned, you could see whether they take it or not when you have only ¥10,000 in your wallet, then try ¥20,000, and see what happens with ¥30,000.
Of course, once you know how much money is in their wallet, you might start worrying things like, “I wonder how much allowance I’ll get today?” But since you can’t admit that you looked in their wallet, you could observe how they handle the situation.
What would they do if they had very little cash in their wallet but were carrying something that looked like a gift?
And when you give them their allowance, you could carefully put the money back in their wallet like a magician, then take it out again and hand it to them to see what they think.
There are so many things you could observe—it sounds like fun.
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I’m in my 60s and not sure what to do.
If it were me…
For starters, I’d make sure there was only 10,000 yen in my wallet before disappearing into the bathroom.
Then I’d see how she reacts…
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In my 30s, and new here.
I really respect Mac-san as someone with more life experience, for being broad-minded enough to think, “Even if she takes money from me, what matters is whether this is actually good life education for her.” Haha.
You probably don’t need advice from someone as inexperienced as me, but if you like her, maybe you could just continue with ① observing her and seeing how things go, then decide what to do if and when you genuinely start feeling fed up with it.
And if, while you continue observing her, she naturally reaches a point where she stops taking money, you might even be able to think, “She’s grown up,” and feel happy for her.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
As it happens, I’m a low-income member of this dating club, so perhaps the women can tell from my appearance or the way I carry myself that I don’t have much cash on me. I’ve never had anything stolen.
It might be a good idea to stop carrying cash around altogether.
They steal it because you have money on you—if you don’t have any, they can’t take it.
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I’m a male member from Seattle.
I agree with UST. I mentioned this briefly in a column too, but after getting taken once, I started bringing my wallet with me to the bathroom.
Rather than saying it outright, subtly let her know.
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In my case, having common sense is a basic requirement, so once I find out, I simply end things without saying anything. It’s too much hassle, and over around ¥10,000, I don’t think I’d bother bringing it up.
Mr. Mac says he doesn’t want to disrupt the current relationship over just ¥10,000. But even if you increased it to ¥60,000, I suspect she’d repeat the same behavior.
She’s probably treating it like a game—thinking that around ¥10,000 won’t be noticed, or simply enjoying the thrill. If she genuinely needed the money and knew she was favored, she would probably ask for more. And if she were worried about being cut off, she’d likely take even more, as if it were her last chance.
It feels less like a matter of money and more like a bad habit or a character issue.
If she’s an honest, receptive girl, you could gently explain it to her from an educational standpoint. But if you want to avoid even the slightest risk of damaging the relationship, I think you should continue observing her “in the wild” for now.
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