I’ve fallen for a man I’ve met several times now. Ever since our first date, I’ve felt a different kind of excitement around him, and I think I probably fell in love at first sight. I’ve reached the point where I feel I wouldn’t even mind seeing him without an allowance. I think about him all the time. My chest feels tight, I miss him so much that I can’t sleep at night, and the thought that this love may never come true is so painful that I can’t stop crying. What should I do with these feelings? Would it be okay to tell him how I feel?

I’m Saito, a columnist♪ I think he’s probably just here to have fun and doesn’t intend to get serious... Given that, perhaps the best way to resolve things would be to tell him how you feel, seeing it as a chance to gain some experience. It’s hard to do anything about these feelings unless the other person ends up disliking you, isn’t it? Even if things work out, finding out whether you can truly be happy together in the long run could be a valuable learning experience in itself. An exclusive dating club is a place to gain those kinds of experiences. I look forward to hearing how it goes.

I’m Mac, the columnist. This is my third answer. If anyone’s upset and thinking, “Write this as a column!” please tell me off. Sorry—I have some ADHD-like tendencies, and I don’t notice things unless people spell them out for me (汗). If someone tells me directly, I’ll do it. Probably. I’ll earn more points that way, too. I just got back from a nighttime date. Since I stayed over last night, she was my third girl today—early morning, lunchtime, and tonight. Sixty years old and still going strong. I even managed to finish properly. Though, admittedly, things almost went soft during the nighttime session, which had me worried. Anyway, I asked the girl about the categories of “liking” I mentioned earlier, and apparently there’s one more: “liking handsome guys.” It simply means finding someone’s face attractive. Apparently, that alone is enough for some women to open their legs—or their wallets—for him. I told her about the theory I’d heard from the female employees at my company: “Pseudo-romance means genuinely liking someone for that period of time.” She laughed and said, “That’s only because your female employees don’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).” So I guess that’s true. A woman who thinks pseudo-romance means genuinely liking someone, at least for that moment, probably couldn’t do papa-katsu. But it did make me wonder whether women who take the relationship seriously and try to act out pseudo-romance like actresses might unknowingly slip into a mode of genuinely liking the person. When you think about it, maybe it started out as acting. I know this sounds like I’m going on and on about something unrelated, but to the person who asked the question: When you read things like this, don’t you gradually start forgetting the pain of your heartbreak?(^^; While pillow-talking with the girl, we got into another lively discussion about what kind of woman would be someone you wouldn’t feel embarrassed to walk around with. Whenever I see a couple with a large age gap at a top-floor hotel restaurant or bar, no matter how beautiful the woman is—in fact, the more beautiful and mismatched she looks with the man—the more they appear to be a papa-katsu couple from the outside. The man may think he’s walking around with “a woman he wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with,” but honestly, it’s blatantly papa-katsu and plenty embarrassing. Then we started talking about how, before we began doing papa-katsu ourselves, we never really thought anything of couples like that. Thinking about it carefully, maybe those couples are actually mirrors reflecting the minds of people like us who laugh and say, “That’s obviously papa-katsu.” So we concluded that perhaps our own minds were the most tainted of all for noticing, “Oh, that’s papa-katsu.” Just then, the taxi we’d called from the hotel arrived, so we hurriedly got dressed and went our separate ways. To the person who asked the question: The world isn’t made up of just that one man. I’m sure there are plenty of more interesting things out there.

This is Mack, a columnist. I found BB7 and Rula’s answers really interesting, so I’d like to add a few thoughts of my own. They’re a little off-topic as an answer to the question, but I hope they may still be somewhat useful to the person who asked, so please bear with me m(_ _)m Actually, like BB7, I’m not entirely sure what it means to genuinely like someone. So I asked two of the women who work for me, “How many different kinds of ‘liking someone’ are there for women?” “There are more than you could ever count.” “Okay, narrowing it down as much as possible—if we’re talking about liking a man romantically, how many kinds are there?” “Hmm… There’s genuinely liking someone, and…” “What does ‘genuinely liking someone’ mean?” “Wanting to be together 24/7, wanting the other person all to yourself, and no longer wanting to be intimate with anyone else…” I’ve never experienced that. I see. BB7, have you? Rula, you seem to have plenty of experience with it. “What other kinds are there?” “‘Admiration-love,’ like a first crush where a high school student falls for a teacher or an older student.” “Isn’t that the same as genuinely liking someone?” “No.” (The two women looked at each other and nodded.) “What else?” “Like when you fall for a younger guy or a hopeless man. The ‘he’s so cute, I have to take care of him’ kind of liking. I guess those are the three main types?” “At dating clubs, people often talk about ‘pseudo-romance.’ What does that kind of ‘liking’ feel like to a woman?” “I think it’s like the way actresses and actors portray romance in a drama.” “If you’re acting, does that mean you don’t actually like him at all?” “No. At that moment, it’s the same as genuinely liking someone.” “Huh? It’s the same?” “If it weren’t, you couldn’t act it out. For that time, it’s genuine.” (Once again, they looked at each other and nodded emphatically.) “For men, I think pseudo-romance is probably just getting swept up in the atmosphere.” “That’s because you, boss, don’t have any ‘love’ in you.” “Exactly. The boss has deep feelings, but no love.” (They both laughed.) I hope this is helpful to someone.

I’m Ruler, a male member of UC and a member of the new salon. I’m going to offer a slightly blunt opinion. I’ve been in a situation similar to yours before, and it brought back memories of my previous marriage. Back then, there was a woman with whom I had an affair—both of us were married—and we ended up genuinely falling in love with each other. I even shed tears over that impossible love. When you find yourself in this kind of situation, I don’t think it will lead to a good outcome to simply tell the other person exactly how you feel or to think, “I’ll take my chances and see what happens.” I believe the best thing to do is to quietly let yourself get carried away on your own. You say that even thinking about the other person is painful, and that you cry over this impossible love. That certainly sounds like you love them deeply, but I’m not sure that’s really the case. In situations like this, I feel that, more often than not, the person you love most is actually yourself. In other words: I like this person ↓ I want to make them mine somehow ↓ Specifically, I want to see them more often, be loved by them more, and have them look only at me ↓ But the situation makes that extremely difficult ↓ I care about them this much, and yet it’s impossible ↓ I’m so pitiful ↓ I start crying and can’t sleep at night I think many people end up caught in this kind of thought process. Rather than thinking about the other person, it could be seen as self-directed affection driven by a powerful desire to fulfill your own wishes at any cost. In my case, I parted ways with my affair partner after we both broke down crying. But once we had decided to end things, I was able to move on and forget her surprisingly quickly, as if all those tearful days had never happened. I even found myself thinking, “Now that we’ve broken up, maybe I wasn’t actually that in love with her after all…” I’m not saying your situation is exactly the same, but can someone really fall that deeply in love simply by meeting a person “several times”? That part does make me wonder. Rather than crying because you feel lonely when you can’t see the other person, I think it would be wonderful to love someone so deeply that, as long as they’re living happy days, you could sincerely be happy for them—even if you couldn’t see them or even if they rejected you. I hope this turns into a beautiful love story.

I’m BB7, a male member. As BB7, I’m still not entirely sure what the difference is between genuinely liking someone and not really liking them. Feelings are temporary (or so I believe). Wouldn’t spending your days crying over unrequited love be more wonderful than living an ordinary, uneventful life? It’s still one page of your life. That said, if you start thinking up or carrying out actions that cause trouble for the other person—such as stalking or trying to break up their marriage—you’re finished as a human being. If you’re not confident you can control yourself, leave him. What happens if you confess your feelings? I suppose that depends on him.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. At this stage, I think the man you’re seeing is probably happy to have become close to you. He likely believes this will develop into a long-term relationship. > What should I do about these feelings? Is it okay to tell him how I feel? I think it’s best to share only part of your feelings, rather than everything. For example, tell him that you look forward to the days you can see him, or that you have a great time when you’re together. If you express your feelings in that general way, he’ll probably think he’s met a wonderful woman. Something along the lines of, “I’m happy you say such nice things to me, but maybe you’re just flattering me?” is probably just right. If you come on too strongly and make it seem like you’re completely serious, the man may back off. The basic strategy is to make him fall for you. While keeping your current feelings in check, think as hard as you can about how to make him fall for you, and act on it as much as possible. Once he falls for you, your love will come true. It’s not too late. Find out everything you can about what kind of women he likes and what sort of partner he’s looking for, and do your best. When you fall for someone and they fall for you too, I think that’s when it becomes a truly happy relationship.