I’m a male member.

This is Saito, the columnist♪ It’s important to work on yourself so you can stop letting things bother you. Everything has a hidden side, so I think it’s enough to simply assume that she may be off moving her hips with another man by now… “She’s looking for someone better…” Isn’t that actually admirable, showing ambition? I think you should improve yourself alongside her and become an even more wonderful man.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. That’s a good question. We often hear about women getting jealous, but men get jealous too. My approach to dating has always been to focus on one person at a time—something even a lower-income member of a dating club can manage. With that approach, I feel that situations like the one described in your question are probably unavoidable to some extent. Of course, I imagine there are monthly arrangements as well, but I don’t think the basics really change even with a monthly arrangement. As Maezawa mentioned in his answer, if a woman feels she needs to continue seeing other people for various reasons, then I suppose that’s something we simply have to accept. That’s how I understand relationships within the framework of a dating club. But what about relationships outside dating clubs? I understand that men and women do also form relationships without money being involved, for various reasons—though I imagine those cases are relatively rare. If that’s the case, I think multiple relationships will continue unless things reach the point where both people can say, “You’re the one I’m happy with” and “I’m happy with you.” I think it comes down to whether I can settle on that person, and whether the woman sees me as the person she wants to settle on. I’m a lower-income member of a dating club, but I could make offers to other women if I wanted to. However, I don’t. There are plenty of other women I get along well with, but as I continue this relationship, I keep asking myself—and her—“She’s good enough for me, isn’t she?” and “What do you think? Could you settle down with me?” Once you’ve been seeing each other for more than three months, deeper conversations naturally start to come up. I feel that understanding each other through those conversations can help build trust. I think it may be worth watching a little longer to see where this woman ultimately wants to settle. If she decides, “He’s not the person I want to settle on,” she’ll leave. After that, it’s simply, “Don’t chase someone who chooses to leave!” (laughs)

I’m Rula, a UC male member and a member of the new salon. I understand how you feel. I’ve also had times when one of my favorite women told me she had a date with another man the next day, and I was pretty shaken up by it… (lol) But both men and women are adults. Even if you’re married and see each other every day, you can’t—and shouldn’t—keep track of what the other person is doing 24/7. There are countless stretches of time when you simply don’t know what the other person is doing. Why not accept that this is just how things are, and focus fully on the woman who is right in front of you now? She may have updated her profile, registered with another dating club, or perhaps she has a few other papas. But I don’t think there’s much point in trying to get to the bottom of it all. Here’s a little analogy: Imagine playing rock-paper-scissors with someone. “Rock, paper, scissors!” “It’s a tie—again!” That only works because the two of you are facing each other and can see one another’s hands. If one person hides their hand under the table so the other person can’t see it, then the game can’t move forward at all. “I’ve got paper.” “That’s a lie. You had paper last time too. So this time it must be something else, right?” “No, I really do have paper.” …Something like that, I suppose. (lol) Worrying about what someone you met through a dating club is doing when they aren’t with you is like obsessing over the hand hidden under the table. In other words, if you focus on that, neither the conversation nor the relationship can move forward in a constructive way. Have you seen her recently? Do you have plans to meet again soon? I think what matters most is how you feel when you’re actually together. If you sense that your conversations have become distant, that she’s started avoiding kisses during sex, or that she seems eager to end your dates as quickly as possible, then it may be worth considering whether you want to continue the relationship. But if you still have just as much fun together when you meet, there’s no need to investigate any further. For now, try not to worry about it. When it comes to dating-club relationships, I think you need both a sensitive antenna for picking up on a woman’s feelings and a deliberately insensitive one that doesn’t constantly monitor her every move.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here. > What do you think the woman is feeling? Even when things are going perfectly with a man, the relationship could suddenly end one day. I think women act with that possibility in mind as well. If that’s the case, perhaps the way you treated her simply wasn’t enough yet. When you never know when the relationship might end, you need to maintain relationships with other men—or at least look for other options—so you’ll be okay if it does come to an end. Also, people naturally become more ambitious. At first, you may think you’ve reached your goal with a certain amount of money, but then you start wanting other things as well. When that happens, your goals get revised upward. It’s possible that her current allowance is no longer enough. Since she may not be able to tell you that directly, she may feel the need to look for other men. It’s also possible that something about you has been bothering her, and she’s looking for other men for that reason. Originally, dating clubs weren’t intended for one-on-one relationships. Arrangements involving multiple men and multiple women are more common. If a man wants an exclusive one-on-one relationship, he generally needs to offer a fairly substantial allowance. If you want to continue seeing her while accommodating her revised expectations as well, you could try negotiating that with her. But personally, I think the best approach is to pretend you don’t notice and continue seeing her as you have been. I’ve heard women say things like: “He told me to quit the club, so I did—but then I was shocked to find out that he hadn’t quit and was still meeting new women.” (They were surprised at first, but eventually concluded, “I guess that’s just how it is.”) Men and women are all different.