I’m new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I went on a date with my first papa (a male supporter), and I’m unsure whether to move forward into an adult relationship (intimate). He seemed very different from my ideal papa. I didn’t sense any masculine allure or energy from him, so I don’t feel like taking things further. Is this what it means when you don’t click with someone? Sorry—I feel like a beginner when it comes to romance.

I’m Saito, a columnist♪ I make my decisions based on intuition too, so I think it’s better to move on. Also, if you just keep waiting for offers from the dating club, your perspective may become limited. You could try attending an event, asking other women for advice, or meeting several men. Please do your best to experience it for yourself and see how different reality is from your ideal.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. This is another great question! Since everyone else has already answered, I thought I’d leave it at that, but I wanted to add just one thing… Regarding the often-mentioned ideas of “knowing your limits” and “being prepared”: “Knowing your limits” is a phrase Romane often uses here. And “being prepared,” which columnist Joe has quoted and which is also used in club comments… I believe everyone has their own sense of what is within their means, as well as their own level of readiness. With that in mind, when I read your question, I felt that the key point was this part: “This was my first date, and because he was such a kind and sincere gentleman, all the more so… I never imagined I would be this troubled by it.” First, I think you should reconsider whether your chemistry with him—including his appearance, how comfortable you feel around him, and your overall impression—is truly within your means, and whether he fits your idea of what you’re prepared for. Then, make your decision.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. I’ve heard that women intuitively decide almost the moment they meet someone whether he’s a person they could be with or not. So if you feel it’s impossible, then it may already be a no-go. There’s even a theory that women make this judgment based on their genes. So if that’s how you feel, I don’t think you need to force yourself. I think it would be best to explain it to him in a way that doesn’t hurt his feelings as much as possible. That said… Everything can be a learning experience. You could first explain the situation to him—that you’re really struggling with it—and try going on a few more dinner dates. Maybe you simply weren’t used to older men. As you spend more time dating him, he might gradually start to seem like a good person. If that happens, perhaps you’ll have gotten used to being around older men. Once he starts to seem like a good person, you may find that an adult relationship (intimate) is okay too. You don’t need to force yourself, but if you’re still unsure, it might be worth going on a few more dates. If he says he’ll give up if that’s how you feel, then he probably wasn’t someone worth agonizing over in the first place—and that would resolve the matter.

I’m Rula, a UC male member and a member of the new salon. The other respondents have already shared their opinions, but I’d just like to add one thing: You should never force yourself to continue an arrangement when you feel that you and the other person aren’t a good match. Don’t worry at all about the man having paid the setting fee and other costs. In fact, one could argue that continuing the relationship out of obligation is more disrespectful to him.