I’m a young male member who’s fallen in love.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. There have already been plenty of answers to this question, and I’ve found them very helpful myself. I’m sure the person who asked this question has a lot to think about. You’re probably thinking, “Okay, enough from you already!”—but I wanted to say this anyway (lol). My two cents: Don’t dwell on the past. Take a clear look at your current situation and decide where you stand. Once you’ve decided where you stand, let go of any ulterior thoughts and pursue the relationship without wavering from that position. Whether she eventually leaves or you manage to hold on to her, I think time will resolve things.

I’m Seattle, a male member. First, you need to stay calm and figure out whether she likes you as her papa or as a man. If it’s the former, as the other respondents have said, all you can do is keep your composure and endure it, even if she’s seeing other men. If she genuinely likes you as a man, then the only way to have her exclusively is to marry her. Since you’re also a Universe member, I assume you have a higher-than-average income and financial leeway. If you feel you want to cherish her for the rest of your life, give her the lifestyle she wants—and treat her even better. I hope things work out and that you’ll be able to report the happy news to the club.

I’m Joe, a columnist. I’m sure Lula’s answer has already covered everything, but Joe can’t help sticking his nose in (lol), so please allow me to add my thoughts. First of all, although this may sound presumptuous, I was genuinely impressed by how seriously you’re thinking this through and how honestly you described both the situation and your feelings. Taking a good, honest look at your own heart will surely benefit you in the years ahead. As I mentioned earlier, I agree with Lula’s advice. I also think that “staying composed” and “putting on a brave face” are especially important in this situation. We sometimes talk about what it means to be a “gentleman” here, and to me, a gentleman is a man who can stay composed and put on a brave face. That said, I’m not very good at doing that myself. Again, I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but let me share one little trick for staying composed: humor. You don’t have to say anything funny. Start by laughing at your current situation yourself. Actually laughing out loud makes the trick even more effective. What comes afterward is a sense of emptiness (lol), but repeating the process will help you learn to put on that brave face. And when you see her next time, greet her with your biggest smile. It may be a strained smile, but nothing goes smoothly from the start. Persistence pays off. If Lula ever hosts a get-together, please let Joe join too (lol). I’d even like to bring along the women from my past who moved my heart and led me around by the nose. They’d probably tease Joe mercilessly, but if that helps you see things from a new perspective, I’d be happy. I hope your relationship continues to go well.

I’m in my 30s and a new member. I’ve felt the same way about a woman I met outside the club. She opened up to me about similar things—drama involving an affair, an ex getting in touch, and so on—and as I gave her advice, I started developing feelings much like the person asking this question. However, I’m married, and I had clearly told her that I had no intention of getting divorced. So I wasn’t really in a position to say, “You only need me,” which left me feeling pretty conflicted. I even got to the point where I was almost about to say something like that, haha. That said, I’m wondering whether you’re giving her an allowance. If you are, then I think having such personal feelings toward her would be misguided. Why not first try starting a relationship without an allowance? On the other hand, I’ve also had someone in an allowance-based relationship pressure me to marry her. I turned her down and suggested we start a relationship without an allowance instead. Perhaps she eventually understood that I had no intention of getting divorced. She now has a boyfriend, and we’re simply drinking buddies with no physical relationship, haha. I hope this helps.

Maezawa from the Corporate Planning Office here as well. This may sound extremely cold, but: “Please wake up.” Even if the person asking the question has fallen in love, the basic assumption should be that the other person has not. Even if you’ve had a wonderful time together, that may simply be because they’re a kind person. I think it’s best to assume that, ultimately, the two of you will part ways. Please start from that premise. If you truly have fallen in love, then you’ll need to seriously consider what you can do to marry them. It won’t work if you’re the only one in love. The question is whether you can make them want to be with you as well. Normally, people aren’t looking for a marriage partner through a dating club. So while I think it will be difficult, rather than focusing on whether they have an ex or not, you need to focus on whether you can make them fall in love with you. And if you do successfully get married, please let the club know. We’re always happy to hear news like that.

I’m Rula, a male UC member and a member of the new salon. Falling in love with a woman you met through the club… How wonderful. I’ve had many introductions arranged for me, but among them, there’s one woman with whom I’ve developed deep mutual feelings and have a monthly arrangement. I’m in love with her too. As for what you’re experiencing, I think situations like this happen to a greater or lesser extent. My partner has had an ex-boyfriend ask her for money, recently been confessed to by a male coworker, and received an incredible amount of attention from men when she went to a group dating event as a fill-in. Beautiful women naturally attract attention, so it can make you nervous. So, how should you handle situations like this? In a word: stay calm and confident. That’s really all you can do. I understand why you’re so concerned about the man your partner was involved with in the past. However, worrying about it—and especially going so far as to hate him—is too much. Right now, I believe you and your partner are in a wonderful romantic relationship. But each of you has lived your own life and has a past. And because the present is connected to that past, it’s only natural that shadows of former partners may occasionally appear. Your lives didn’t begin the moment you met each other. So, approaching a relationship with the attitude of wanting to go back and rewrite a woman’s entire past will inevitably cause cracks in your relationship someday. Stay calm and confident. Even if you have to grit your teeth a little, hold your ground. By doing so, she may actually become even more devoted to you. And when she’s truly invested in you, our worries as men naturally start to fade. But you might say: “That’s easy to say. What if, while I’m acting so relaxed, she gets back together with her ex?” Well… If getting back together with him would truly make her happy, then perhaps you should be able to support her—even if it takes that much emotional maturity. Of course, parting ways would be painful and heartbreaking. But if she really becomes happy, isn’t that ultimately a good thing? I’m writing this as though I have it all figured out, but honestly… just imagining the woman I’m seeing leaving me makes me feel terribly sad too. If either of us ever finds ourselves in a situation where we have to let go of someone we once fell in love with, let’s go out for a drink together! (笑) I hope your wonderful love lasts for many years to come.

I’m a male member, BB7. > My ex-boyfriend actually had a wife and children, so I was deceived, and his wife filed a lawsuit against me. What concerns me is whether this issue has been resolved. Has she had to pay a substantial amount of money? That made me wonder whether the story was even true—but assuming the woman wasn’t lying… > If the man I was dating after being deceived in an affair gets divorced and becomes single, is it possible for us to get back together? Normally, I’d say no. Especially if it went as far as a lawsuit, most people would be completely done with affairs and wouldn’t even want to see that person again. (It would be a different story if she had knowingly been dating a married man.) > Honestly, I’ve fallen in love with her. That’s what concerns me more. I understand feeling angry at the other man, as well as worrying that she might get back together with him. But nothing will come of it if you let yourself get upset. Unless you remain confident and composed, she may actually pull away. Everyone has their own past. There’s no point in deliberately digging into it. She may bring it up again herself eventually, and I think it’s enough to listen whenever she does. > We’re very compatible, every date is exciting, and we’re even planning a trip together. Rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, I think the most important thing right now is to trust her and build a good relationship while enjoying your time together. At worst, that man may start stalking or harassing her. If that happens, please protect her.