Maezawa from the Planning Office here as well.
When men join the club, we explain that for the first meeting, they should give the woman ¥5,000–¥10,000 as a transportation allowance.
If a man still only gives ¥5,000 after receiving that explanation, it’s easy to predict that the amount will be extremely low even if the relationship progresses beyond the club.
The club should clearly explain at the time of registration that this is a payment given under the name of transportation expenses. However, there are occasionally men who say things that make no sense, such as:
“I heard she lived near the neighboring station, and she still demanded transportation money,”
or,
“I drove her home, so I didn’t give her any transportation money.”
I’m not sure whether they only remember the part about transportation expenses and forget that it’s also a form of payment, but people like that do exist, so you should be careful.
This time, he did pay the prescribed transportation allowance, but the fact that he chose the minimum amount makes me feel that he isn’t a particularly gentlemanly man.
Normally, even without being asked, a man who likes the woman would give ¥10,000 or more. Some men give ¥20,000 or ¥30,000 even when they only have dinner and then part ways. (I suppose that simply reflects how much they liked the woman.)
With that in mind, ¥5,000 could also mean that he wasn’t particularly interested in her.
If you’ve never negotiated the amount before, I don’t think you need to negotiate with this man either. When a woman doesn’t say anything, she looks like a very lovely woman from the man’s perspective. Precisely because of that, a gentlemanly man should make sure to give her an amount that won’t leave her feeling uncomfortable.
Looking at it that way, I don’t think this man can really be called a gentleman, so wouldn’t it be fine to simply say goodbye and move on? I don’t think you need to make allowances just because it was your first date.
If anything, men tend to give more on a first date.
However, if you feel that ending things just like that would be a shame, you could tell him directly:
“Even for dinner only, I’d like to receive ¥___.
If we’re moving on to a private relationship, I’d like to receive at least ¥___.”
That would be perfectly fine.
The choice is yours, but you should be careful not to enter into a private relationship for an allowance that you’re not comfortable with.
I’m Rula, a male member of UC and a member of the new salon.
First of all, I don’t think you should hold back just because you’re worried the other person might be offended.
Rather than agonizing over whether to say something, I think it’s especially important in a dating club to decide, “I’m going to say what I want to say,” and then think about how best to express it.
You wrote, “How should I bring this up with someone who’s new to dating clubs?” It seems you’ve already decided that you want to talk to him, which I think is wonderful.
As for how to say it, my instinct is that, in this man’s case, it might be better to ask him through LINE, email, or another message rather than bringing it up verbally on your next date.
For example:
“Hi, XX. Thank you again for the lovely date. I had such a great time that the hours flew by. I’d definitely like to see you again. This is a little difficult to ask, but what are your thoughts regarding the allowance? At the current amount of ¥5,000 for dinner, it’s honestly difficult for me. I’d appreciate it if you could let me know your preferences, including what you have in mind after dinner or for an overnight stay.”
Something along those lines might work well.
I hope this helps.
I’m Joe, a columnist.
For specific advice, please refer to Mac’s answer.
Ideally, rather than making it feel like a negotiation, I believe a gentleman should avoid putting the woman in a position where she has to worry as much as you do. That said, given your situation, anything you really want clarified should be addressed directly. As Mac mentioned, this may also serve as a litmus test for whether the relationship should continue.
Female members may not know this, but in the profiles of female members that male members can view, staff often use the word “resolve.” It usually means “a woman who is prepared for an adult relationship (intimate).” However, Joe believes that “resolve” means clearly communicating your own intentions to the other person and building a relationship based on them.
You said you’re not good at negotiating. But after reaffirming why you joined Universe in the first place, I hope you’ll find the resolve to communicate your intentions to your partner—and build a good relationship together.
