I’m Saito, a column writer♪
I think women would be put off if you told them you’d had a vasectomy for that purpose.
Still, there are surprisingly many men who go without protection.
> “Men who won’t do that are absolutely out of the question!”
We often talk like that among ourselves.
Even in momo’s girl talk, there are actually women who say things like that while quietly mixing in with the others.
Going without protection is rarely mentioned openly because people assume, “You’d have to do that to keep a papa (a male supporter).”
There are plenty of them, so try looking around.
Of course, it’s a different story if his appearance, body odor, or lack of money is unbearable to women.
I’m BB7, a male member.
I occasionally see questions from people who strongly want to go without condoms.
I worry that wording things this way might give some men the wrong idea, but there are a small number of women who are okay with it by mutual consent. (Not because of money, pressure, force, or a one-sided misunderstanding on the man’s part.)
I’m afraid of infections, so I would never offer it, but on very rare occasions, there are women who state in their profile that they’re taking birth control pills.
That said, you should assume that almost all women consider going without a condom unacceptable.
With that in mind…
In a situation like the one described by the questioner, I do think there may be women who would agree if you look for them. Ultimately, it depends on the relationship between the two of you and on the woman herself.
Even if you do find someone like that, please understand that you are both responsible for the risks involved.
Please don’t do anything that could negatively affect those around you.
These days, STIs such as Ureaplasma and Mycoplasma—which weren’t as common in the past—are also spreading, so please be careful. (Many women have never been tested and don’t even know the names of these infections.)
Whatever you do, please don’t spread them to others.
I’m a male member of UC and a member of the new salon as well—this is Ruler.
I’m fine with using condoms, so I always do. But I’ll answer while imagining a situation where, like you, I was unable to perform with a condom.
First of all, broadly speaking, I think it ultimately depends on the woman involved.
And for her to agree to it, there needs to be a relationship of trust. In my view, simply doing the following would not be enough to build that trust:
1. Showing her the scar from your vasectomy
2. Showing her the results of a Partners Check
As for 1, I don’t think most people are very familiar with what a vasectomy scar looks like. So even if you tell a woman, “This is what it looks like after a vasectomy,” all she can really say is, “Oh, I see…”
Regarding 2, even if you tested negative at that particular point in time, since you regularly have sex without condoms, she still can’t shake the suspicion that you may have contracted something from a woman you were with after the test.
Therefore, even if you have had a vasectomy, have a negative Partners Check result, and limit your intimate relationships to that one woman, I think it would still be quite difficult for her to fully trust that.
So what would make the relationship satisfactory? I believe it comes down to the woman feeling, “I can trust this man as a person.”
If I were in the same situation as you and wanted to build a happy relationship with the woman, I would first do everything I could to proactively disclose information and show sincere intentions.
For example, Universe Club allows men to make their profiles visible to women. In that case, I would write something along these lines:
“I’m unable to have sex with a condom (for whatever reason, if there is one). However, I understand that it would not be gentlemanly to simply expect a woman to agree to sex without one. Therefore, I’m considering having a vasectomy, obtaining a Partners Check result, and limiting my intimate relationships to one woman only. If any ladies would still be willing to meet me under these conditions, please send me a ‘Sounds wonderful.’ I will not make an offer myself—I’ll be waiting for your ‘Sounds wonderful.’”
If I couldn’t include it in my profile, I would make sure to explain everything carefully during our first meeting when discussing the terms of the arrangement.
Whatever you do, please don’t respond with something like:
“I’ve had the surgery, I have the test results, and I’ll even pay twice the usual allowance. So what’s the problem? Let’s do it without a condom!”
That will almost certainly make the woman dislike you. (;^_^
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I completely understand how you feel.
This is a very profound question, and I think it’s something many people can relate to.
I hope the two of you can talk it over and find an arrangement that satisfies you both.
