I’m currently seeing a man on a monthly arrangement.
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He’s a nice person, but he messages me a little too often. If I’m slow to reply, he immediately gets sulky and says things that make it sound like I’m the one at fault, which is difficult for me. Even if I tell him that directly, it doesn’t seem to help…
I think he’s probably just lonely, but from a man’s perspective, what would you want to be told to feel reassured? (I’d also love to hear women’s opinions.)
I’m BB7, a male member in my late 40s.
You could suggest setting a time limit—for example, explaining that you may not be able to reply right away when work or school is hectic, but that you’ll always respond within 24 hours at the latest.
It’s nice that the other person is so enthusiastic, but when it happens too often, it can get annoying.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here.
> What could a man say that would make her feel reassured? (I’d also love to hear women’s opinions.)
I think it probably depends on the man’s personality, so I get the feeling she may not feel reassured no matter what he says.
It might be worth being straightforward and saying something like:
“I can’t reply while I’m working. Even when I have time, I may not reply right away. I’ll respond in the morning and at night, but sometimes it may be late. Please understand that this doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”
But honestly, I get the feeling that nothing you say will have much effect.
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I’m Saito, a columnist♪
I agree with Seattle-san. Since he’s that kind of male member, you may be the only one he has.
(That said, some people simply don’t listen to others, so sometimes nothing you say will get through.)
I think cutting off the relationship would be less stressful.
If it’s within the limits of what you’re willing to put up with for the allowance, I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem—but please be careful, because men like this tend to escalate.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I think that man is very fond of you.
When someone contacts you too often, it can affect your work and private life.
For example, you could say:
“I’m at work right now, so how about we talk from [time]?”
or
“I’m tied up at the moment, so please wait a little while.”
Would that work?
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I’m a male member in Seattle.
You may well be the only one he has.
After telling him that you care about him, it would probably be best to honestly ask for a reasonable frequency of seeing each other.
To keep things going, it’s better to discuss it carefully and directly beforehand rather than leave things vague. I think being straightforward is fine.
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