I’m a UC male member and also a member of the new salon. My username is Rula.
> It’s not that I’m only interested in intimacy, but I do become intimate with them because I’m giving them an allowance.
Ah, I understand that.
Usually, when you first discuss the terms, you agree on something like, “〇〇 yen for dinner, and 〇〇 yen if things go further.”
A fairly common arrangement might be “1 for dinner, 5 if things go further,” for example.
So if you meet twice a month with no intimacy, the total is just 2.
If things do go further on both occasions, the total is 10.
From the woman’s perspective, that makes a big difference in the amount of support she receives.
Even when I’m not particularly in the mood for intimacy, I sometimes think about the allowance and decide, “Well, I suppose it’s fine,” and go along with it.
> I also don’t think it’s right to give an allowance for nothing.
I feel the same way.
Some members may give the same amount every time, whether they only have dinner or things go further, but I can’t bring myself to go that far.
As the commenter mentioned, of course it would be wonderful to find a woman who genuinely enjoys spending time together without intimacy and doesn’t feel that giving her that amount is a waste. But that’s not easy either…
I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but this is how I approach it:
1. When choosing a woman, I try to avoid those who have set a specific monthly support amount as a goal.
→ If she can manage her life without support but would be happy to have a little extra, I think the relationship can continue without stress even if the amount of support happens to be lower one month.
2. Regarding intimacy with a woman, I decide in advance on a standard amount and a maximum amount that I personally feel comfortable with.
→ For me, that would be “5 as the standard” and “10 as the maximum” (with 1 for dinner).
For example, suppose I make a monthly arrangement to meet a woman twice a month for 100,000 yen.
If we’re intimate both times, that’s “5 × 2 = 10,” which matches what I had in mind.
However, having intimacy every time isn’t especially interesting either. So if one of the two dates is dinner only, then under the standard calculation it should be “5 + 1 = 6.” Since I’m paying 100,000 yen for the month, I might feel as though I’m somehow losing out.
But if I reconsider it based on my maximum amount, I can think, “The maximum would be 10, plus 1 for dinner, so it would normally be 11. I’m able to see her for 10, so that’s actually a good deal!”
That’s why, no matter how much I like a woman, I feel that a monthly arrangement of 150,000 yen for two meetings, one of which is dinner only, is “a little unbalanced.”
On the other hand, if we meet twice a month and are intimate both times, setting the amount somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000 yen allows me to continue the relationship without feeling stressed.
In short, I think it’s important to have your own 기준 for self-control so that you don’t end up thinking negatively, “Somehow, I’m getting the short end of the deal.”
I’m Joe, a columnist.
I’m in my 50s now. In my 30s, I didn’t know dating clubs existed, so I had “club activities” and affairs with married women who were also married—mutual affairs, you could say. Looking back, I had a lot more energy back then.
Once I entered my 50s, I joined a dating club and ended up in the same situation as you. I thought age was a major factor, but perhaps this is the magic of dating clubs. I understand exactly what you mean by “if I quit, I’ll wither away,” and at my age, it feels even more urgent for me.
That said, this year I’ve been having sex almost exclusively with two women: one I started seeing again and another I newly approached. (Laughs.) Clearly, it’s about five times more than when I was in my 30s. (Wry laugh.) I still don’t attach much meaning to sex itself, but I feel like I’m watching them grow.
This may not be much help, but I hope you’re able to find some new value or meaning in it.
Maezawa from the executive suite here.
> Don’t you ever find yourself getting tired of sex as an act in general?
I think that can happen temporarily if you have sex with a lot of women over a short period of time.
> I suppose some people would say that if I took a break from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I’d eventually want to start again. But I feel that if I take some time off, I’ll lose all interest and never have sex again for the rest of my life.
You may feel that way right now, but after a while, I think your interest will return.
If you’re still in your thirties, you’re still quite young. I don’t think you’re at an age where your desires have completely faded.
And even if you did never have sex again, if you had no interest in it, it wouldn’t really cause you any problems. There’s no need to let yourself become obsessed with the idea that you have to do it.
> I’m not interested in women only for their bodies, but I do become intimate with them because I give them an allowance.
If you’re not doing this purely for sex, then you could give them an allowance for dates without intimacy—going out for a meal, a movie, a play, golf, and so on.
You might want to look for women you can genuinely enjoy spending time with, even if it’s just a date.
And if you truly enjoy their company, I don’t think you’ll begrudge giving them an allowance.
I’m Saito, a columnist♪
I’ve also been involved with a dating club since my 30s, and honestly, I’ve gone through the same cycle as you.
In the end, it turns into a situation where we just have dinner, I give the same allowance without an adult relationship, and we continue more out of habit than anything else.
If you feel like you may never have sex again for the rest of your life, I think experiencing that can be worthwhile in its own way.
Things may change with the seasons or as you get older. It’s quite common for the future to turn out differently from what you’re thinking now.
