Men from Universe sometimes ask me to be their girlfriend or date them, but I end up thinking, “Does that mean they want to see me without paying an allowance?” and I can’t bring myself to say yes…
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Once, a man gave me a ring as an engagement ring, and after I accepted it, he said, “I thought you’d date me if I gave you this.” I still didn’t really understand why.
What does it mean when someone asks you to date him even though he has a wife?
I know I should ask him directly, but I’m afraid he might bring up seeing me without an allowance, so I can’t bring myself to ask.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
A lot of men attach more meaning to “we got intimate” than just “we got intimate,” even when an allowance is involved.
And this really varies from person to person. To me, an allowance-based relationship is just that, but from what I’ve seen, far more men interpret it as “we’re dating.”
So I get the feeling that “dating” in this context often means a relationship involving an allowance. But if women also clearly call it “dating,” it could lead to misunderstandings, so it’s complicated.
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From the context, I think your interpretation is basically right.
Your papa (a male supporter) got the wrong idea. He’s married, but wants you to be his mistress—someone he can date and have sex with “without paying.”
So I think it’s best to keep dodging the subject or simply turn him down.
That said, I do understand how the papa side feels, at least somewhat. Even though I knew that catching real feelings or becoming possessive was against the rules of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and meant I’d “lost,” I once genuinely fell for someone, told him I wanted him to date me, and got blocked…
But in papa-katsu, that’s still breaking the rules.
As for you, don’t overdo the “acting like you’re genuinely in love” approach. If you give too much or try too hard to please him, you may end up getting hurt, so keep a healthy balance and don’t push yourself to the point of feeling miserable.
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> Sometimes men from Universe Club ask me to be their girlfriend or date them.
That’s a clear sign he’s weird, so you’re better off cutting ties.
Then again, just like a host using romantic tactics, you could play along and give him the impression that you’re his girlfriend while getting money out of him. But that takes a certain talent, and the questioner still has a long way to go.
**Edit:**
This seems to overlap somewhat with the question here:
https://lab.universe-club.jp/help/view/18495
Does this mean that a certain percentage of men think a formal confession—“Please date me,” followed by “Yes, I’d be happy to”—is necessary when starting a mistress-type arrangement through Universe Club?
I honestly find it ridiculous, but if it’s a cultural thing and you can’t maintain an ongoing allowance arrangement without going through that ritual, then I suppose you just have to play along.
In that case, “Please date me” doesn’t necessarily mean “I want to sleep with you for free.”
Still, the cultural difference makes me uncomfortable, so if I were a woman, I’d probably keep my distance from that man anyway.
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I’m a papa-katsu girl, but there are some girls I’d actually consider dating. I’d keep giving them an allowance, though.
That said, generally speaking, “dating” usually means no allowance.
Today, I went out for sushi—of course, the conveyor-belt kind—with a regular girl I met at a legitimate massage parlor three years ago. She was being playfully sexy and cute, so maybe I’ll give dating her a try.
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It’s called papa-katsu because an allowance is involved. In the dating scene, a “relationship” without an allowance is considered pretty unconventional. Especially when the man is married, the allowance can serve as a kind of reassurance—almost like a moral alibi. So anyone trying to turn it into a no-allowance casual relationship is basically breaking the rules and going rogue.
I’d suggest saying, “A relationship without an allowance isn’t an option for me, so I’d like to keep things as they are,” and then seeing how they respond.
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As I mentioned in my answer to a question a few posts back, “dating” is a word whose meaning can vary widely from person to person and depending on the context.
For you, does “dating” mean entering into a marriage? lol
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There really are some strange men out there who think they’ve “won” if they can get into a relationship where they can be intimate without paying an allowance, or who consider themselves impressive if they can negotiate the allowance down.
I find myself thinking that women can simply choose not to go along with it.
> I can’t bring myself to say yes because I wonder if he means he wants to meet without paying an allowance.
I think that’s perfectly fine, and there’s a good chance that’s exactly what he means. That said, there are also people who want to meet on a monthly arrangement.
If you can’t ask, it’s probably best not to worry about it. But if it’s bothering you, I think you should just ask.
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