What I’ve Learned from Over a Year of Papa-Katsu—and Why I Decided to Move On
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Hello everyone.
Today, I’d like to share what I experienced and how I felt during the more than a year I spent doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), as well as why I eventually decided it was time to move on.
To briefly introduce myself, I’m a single man in my 40s.
At first, I used a regular dating app for about a month, but honestly, I felt it took a lot of time. That’s when a friend introduced me to Universe.
At the time, my thinking was simple: “If I can buy someone’s time with money, maybe that’s one way of doing things.”
Over the past year or so, I think I met more than 20 women through several platforms.
That said, I was never really the type to see multiple women at the same time. When I liked someone, I focused on her, and only met someone new after that relationship ended.
After more than a year of experience, I came to feel that the women I met generally fell into three broad categories:
1. People for whom money is basically the most important thing.
As long as the terms are right, they don’t care much about anything else.
2. People who value not only money, but also the other person’s character and how they are treated.
Their attitude toward the terms changes depending on their compatibility, personalities, and whether they can enjoy spending time together.
3. People who ultimately want a regular romantic relationship and no longer need an allowance.
In reality, I met the first type most often.
In those cases, I generally didn’t meet them a second time. Personally, it started to feel not much different from paying for a professional service.
Of course, since both people understand what they’re looking for, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that. I just began to feel that it wasn’t what I truly wanted.
And the longer I continued papa-katsu, the more my own feelings gradually changed.
Papa-katsu is certainly efficient and convenient. But once you get used to that convenience, spending time on regular dating and relationships gradually starts to feel like a hassle.
That was when I thought, “Maybe it’s time to stop.”
I don’t want to get married right away. But I’m not young anymore, and I do have a desire to have a family someday.
I felt that if I continued papa-katsu simply because it was convenient, I might actually be moving farther away from what I truly wanted.
Then, just as I had decided to quit papa-katsu, I received an offer through Universe that I thought would be my last.
And this woman genuinely caught my attention.
I wasn’t looking for an adult relationship (intimate) from the start. We went on several ordinary dates, spending time together from the afternoon into the evening—eating, talking, and simply having a good time.
However, since we had met through papa-katsu, I gave her an allowance each time.
After we had met several times, she asked me, “Could we date as a regular couple?”
I honestly told her, “As long as there’s an allowance involved, we can’t have a genuine romantic relationship.”
This isn’t about the amount of money.
The amount she wanted was enough to provide some support and certainly wasn’t excessive. In fact, the gifts I gave her were worth much more than her monthly allowance.
What makes this difficult for me isn’t the money—it’s how I feel about it.
As long as money remains one of the terms of the relationship, part of me can’t help but wonder:
“Does she really want to be with me because she wants to be with me? Or is financial support still part of the reason?”
That’s exactly what I’m struggling with right now.
Part of me wants to see where this relationship goes.
At the same time, maybe I’m simply bringing the doubts and assumptions I developed through papa-katsu into a relationship that could potentially become genuine love.
Perhaps “moving on from papa-katsu” isn’t simply about stopping the allowance.
Maybe it also means learning to trust again in a relationship where money isn’t the reason two people stay connected.
I feel that may be what truly moving on means.
This ended up being longer than I expected, but thank you very much for reading to the end.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
They may write that they’re “graduating from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan),” but even if this person eventually gets married, I’m sure they’ll go back to papa-katsu afterward. They’re not quitting because they hate themselves for buying sex with money; they’ve simply come to dislike women who sell sex for money. Their own fundamental nature hasn’t changed at all.
In that sense, this isn’t really “graduating from papa-katsu,” but more like abstaining from masturbation. I’d say it’s nothing more than “papa-katsu abstinence, in the same sense as masturbation abstinence,” and I think it’s fine to leave the post visible just to convey that point.
It also serves as a warning to others that posts not written in the form of a question may be hidden.
They’re basically saying, “I want to meet someone I might marry in a way that has nothing to do with papa-katsu, because I don’t want a woman to date me for money or financial security.” But isn’t that stance itself calculating? The questioner is just as calculating as, if not more calculating than, the women involved in papa-katsu. Am I right that, without realizing this about themselves, they still expect unconditional, non-transactional love from the other person?
Personally, I consider money to be part of who I am, so I have no problem with a woman dating me because she wants my allowance. If she isn’t reluctantly putting up with me for the money, but actually likes me because I give her money, I can accept that as one genuine form of affection toward me.
In short, I feel there’s not much difference between papa-katsu and ordinary romantic relationships. As long as the affection toward me is genuine, that’s enough.
Don’t you think I’m actually closer to having “graduated from papa-katsu”? That’s what I think, anyway.
And when they say, “I dated 20 people over more than a year, one at a time without seeing multiple people simultaneously,” I wonder what the longest relationship lasted. Was that really a policy of not dating multiple people at once, or did they simply keep moving on from one person to the next without maintaining any relationship? If so, they didn’t just fail to graduate from papa-katsu—they never even enrolled.
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I read this all the way through because it was such a lovely story, but is it a fictional poem?
It feels like the gap between ideals and reality in relationships between men and women is growing wider and wider, so I’m envious of the questioner’s story of how they met.
In my case, through a dating club, I’ve been seeing women who play the role of being in love with me—even though it’s only pretend. After meeting several times, if I start to see signs that they’re forcing themselves, I end the relationship.
Since it’s only pretend, continuing for too long inevitably becomes difficult for both sides. That means I end up needing to meet someone new, and I can never quite graduate from the club. I’m envious that the questioner seems ready to move on. I couldn’t help humming Ozaki Yutaka’s “Graduation.” I hope this isn’t just a poem.
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This isn’t a question, so it would normally be hidden.
However, some people felt it would be better to make it clear that posts like this won’t be displayed in the future, so I’m leaving this one visible. Similar posts will not be displayed going forward.
I honestly don’t understand why anyone would post something other than a question in a place meant for asking questions.
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papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is comfortable and all, but no matter how much experience you get, it doesn’t count as real experience with the opposite sex—not even by a fraction.
You don’t see people go to a stocked fishing pond, catch a fish, and then brag that they went fishing, do you?
You went to a fishing pond…
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Well, I suppose you can talk about whatever you like, but this is basically just self-indulgent rambling—there isn’t even a question.
If this man really is a member of Universe Club, I think he should be permanently expelled.
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I’ve experienced all of these:
- A papa-katsu woman who started out receiving an allowance but stopped accepting one partway through
- Meeting someone in the real world, with no allowance from the beginning
- Meeting someone through Universe Club, also with no allowance from the beginning
They were all awful. Mac-san’s way of thinking is right. Money is part of a man, just as beauty is part of a woman. My appeal is that I can make money. What’s wrong with that?
The reason these arrangements were so terrible is that, without an allowance, the women became selfish. It’s important to give them money so they’ll play the role of a woman who fits my preferences.
A relationship where both people just act naturally is nothing but hell. They’d call me in the middle of the night or suddenly phone me. But since I wasn’t giving them an allowance, I couldn’t complain about anything. I thought, “Work is my top priority, and I’m not going to put up with your selfishness. I’m your boyfriend, not someone who can cater to your every whim.”
So I stopped doing arrangements without an allowance. I pay everyone. I’m paying you, so just behave yourself. Don’t be selfish. I love my work, so I want to work.
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LOL, that’s long.
Since it isn’t really a question, maybe it’s fine to hide it.
If this sets a precedent, the anonymous Q&A box could turn into a column—or a poetry page, LOL. That would be a disaster. 😂
Though Fuu’s answers have been getting pretty long lately too, LOL. We just can’t help wanting to talk about ourselves. Both the questioner and Fuu are basically bundles of validation-seeking. www
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No, no. You’re missing the most important thing. That’s why you’re still single.
It has nothing to do with what she’s like or how much allowance is involved.
The only thing that matters is whether you actually like her and can see yourself wanting to marry her.
Remember how passionate you felt back when you were a virgin. Does anything else really matter when it comes to the person you love? If you truly liked her, you’d put everything else aside and give her everything you’ve got.
To be blunt, once women reach a certain age, they’re realistic no matter what, so you’re never going to get what you’re looking for from them.
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I don’t really have a question.
Even in a regular marriage, the higher-earning spouse would generally provide money for living expenses. And even if you met someone completely outside papa-katsu, you might financially support them if you were considering marrying them.
Whether male or female, some people do enter strategic marriages with wealthy individuals, counting on their financial resources.
Is papa-katsu really only about the allowance? Even if the allowance is generous, it doesn’t mean a woman will necessarily meet him a second or third time. A generous allowance alone won’t make things last.
That said, papa-katsu can’t exist without an allowance, so if there’s no allowance—or it’s too low—it won’t continue.
Rather than overthinking things like “graduating,” I think you should simply decide what you want to do.
If you can’t fully accept how you met in the first place, then no matter how far things go, you may find it easy to end things by saying, “We met through papa-katsu anyway,” lol.
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