What goes through the mind of a married man with children who has a good relationship with his wife, yet still does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), including an adult relationship (intimate)? Is he simply looking for some excitement?

As animals, men are wired to pass on their genes, so the male body is designed to get bored with one woman after about three years. With a new woman, our genes make us feel joy and pleasure, haha. Fuu has written about this in columns and said the same thing in an interview for the book *Papa-Katsu Report*: My wife was the one who cheated first, so that’s why I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), haha. In a divorce, property is basically split 50/50. As for damages for adultery, you’d normally get about ¥1 million, or ¥2–3 million at most. What a joke, haha. It’s way too disadvantageous for Fuu (the husband), so I figured I might as well go out and have some fun, haha. You need someone to cheat with, after all. Women also have plenty of opportunities to cheat now, since it’s easy to meet people through social media and so on. I think a lot of wives whose children have grown up and whose marriages have become sexless are doing it too… haha. Love hotels in rural areas are even fully booked during weekday afternoons. Women are better at it than men—at hiding things and lying. They have their livelihoods at stake, especially those who are being supported by their husbands. Fuu and my wife get along well. We’ve been together longer than either of us has been with our own parents, so we’re family. In the past, she was also a parenting partner I could trust. We simply outsource sex to other people. I personally call it “outsourcing the excitement,” haha. Since the questioner is in their twenties, you may not understand yet if you haven’t had much experience. Fuu was unpopular with women at first and devoted only to his girlfriend and wife, too, haha. Now I’m having a lot of fun, though, haha. Once you’ve been in a long-term relationship, lived together, or gotten married and gone sexless after three years, you may come to understand how we feel. Lately, I feel like more women in their twenties are starting to understand this side of things, too, haha. It’s easier to gain experience now. Once you’ve gained enough experience to understand, why not come over to our side? Don’t let yourself be bound by the notions of fidelity created by human society. You only live once, so you should enjoy life to the fullest by following the animal instincts hidden within you. As long as you don’t commit a crime. Cheating isn’t a crime—it’s a civil matter between the people involved. Sex is a legal drug permitted to humanity. I’m grateful for the godlike ingenuity that created it. The dopamine and oxytocin from sex…www. I just can’t stop, haha. P.S. Apparently, even the brains of people who anonymously criticize other people’s cheating on social media release pleasure chemicals. Neuroscientists call it “righteousness addiction,” don’t they? Just like sex, dopamine and oxytocin are involved. People fall into the illusion that justice is on their side and can’t stop. I’ve decided to give it the name “righteousness masturbation,” haha. They’re both as bad as each other, haha. Am I the only one who feels that sex is healthier, if you’re going to choose between the two? Haha.

Apparently, among all living creatures, there aren’t even five species that practice monogamy. Humans are naturally polygamous too. So men who have money but don’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are the abnormal ones.

Men get tired of even the most beautiful women after three years. Even Nozomi Sasaki has been cheated on. The better-looking and wealthier a man is, the more likely he is to cheat.

I’m married with children, but my wife and I haven’t been intimate in a long time. I haven’t done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for quite a while either—and I’m not having sex—but every now and then I think, “I’d really like to have sex with an actual human being,” and end up browsing the profiles of female members on UniVa.

“Going well” doesn’t mean “everything is perfectly fulfilled.” Every marriage is different. You should stop trying to lump everyone’s individual circumstances into one neat definition.

People are all different. Women may see this activity as cheating and find it unforgivable, but for men who engage in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) despite having a good relationship with their wives, it’s probably just a bit of fun. At the same time, women would also be troubled if a papa (a male supporter) started taking things seriously. And that’s perfectly fine.

The other respondents have already covered most of what I wanted to say, but I wanted to add a little, so I’m writing this answer. This is based on my own experience and on what I’ve heard at length from women I met through the club, but relationships tend to go more smoothly with men who have happy home lives and aren’t particularly on bad terms with their wives. If you think about it, a man who complains about his wife every time you meet, or constantly vents his frustrations to you, is understandably a bit off-putting. One of the old sayings among Kyoto’s traditional male patrons is that you should only play around while firmly remembering that your wife always comes first. I suppose the idea is that unless your foundation is solid, neither work nor your personal life will run smoothly. Of course, I think it’s a completely different story when the man is single.

I think it varies from person to person, and it also depends on how you define “things going well” when it comes to a married man who has children, gets along well with his wife, and still does papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), including an adult relationship (intimate). What does it mean for things to be going well? Is a marriage considered successful as long as he doesn’t want a divorce? Or does it only count as going well if he sees his partner as 100% his ideal woman? I think the answer changes depending on that definition. Perhaps the most successful arrangement is actually to think, “Things are good with my wife, but it wouldn’t be right to expect her to fill whatever is missing. Eighty points is ideal, and the remaining 20 can be found in other people.” That reminds me of a story called “The Silent Wife.” An unbelievably beautiful, hardworking, and completely complaint-free woman marries a man. She is perfect in every way—except that she never speaks a single word and is unable to talk. At first, the man is satisfied, thinking, “She’s quiet and a wonderful wife.” But little by little, he becomes greedy. He starts saying, “She’s so perfect that if only she could talk, she really would be perfect.” Desperate to make her speak, he consults fortune-tellers and doctors, prays at temples, and even tries feeding her special foods, such as yams and unusual dumplings. Eventually, his efforts pay off, and one day, the wife suddenly becomes able to talk fluently. But the moment she opens her mouth, she turns into an incredibly loud woman, unleashing a nonstop stream of complaints about her husband, gossip about the neighbors, and pointless rumors from morning until night—as if all those years of silence had never happened. The story ends with the man covering his ears and bitterly regretting it: “She was perfect when she couldn’t speak. Please go back to being silent…” By the way, did this question change anything about what you do? Did you come away thinking that papa-katsu is a wonderful thing? It’s a shame, but I couldn’t really understand the point of your question.

If there are women looking for financial support, there will be men willing to provide it. It’s simply a matter of supply and demand. Conversely, if there are men seeking physical intimacy, there will be women willing to respond in exchange for an allowance.

Because marriage and romance are two completely different things. Aren’t there men who want a romantic relationship but don’t want to get married?

Regardless of whether their marriage is going well, I think men basically always want to be popular with women, and that desire may be one of the secrets to staying young. Perhaps the only difference is whether they actually act on it or not. The desire for excitement may also be one reason. A well-known celebrity once said that “adultery is a culture,” and although he was heavily criticized at the time, looking back, I feel it was actually a pretty accurate answer. In some countries, adultery can apparently result in criminal penalties, but that isn’t the case in Japan. I can’t help wondering if that’s because adultery really is part of the culture here. At least, that’s what I suspect...

Is it psychological? I just find myself wanting to do it regularly. I also want to meet new women. I know I’m a little crazy, but that’s basically it.