I’ve been seeing a woman regularly for about a year, around three or four times a month. At first, I gave her money for an adult relationship, but lately—maybe because we’ve gotten used to each other, or because I’m getting older—I sometimes feel like I’m having an adult relationship just so I can give her money.
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Is it normal to start feeling this way after about a year?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Universe male member
I know exactly what you mean.
At first, it’s more like:
“I want to have sex with a young, attractive woman” → give her money
But over time, the balance can shift toward:
“I want to support this woman” → give her money.
As my sexual interest in her fades, I start to feel something like attachment—or even a fatherly affection—for her. Sometimes I’ll even give her the amount I would have paid for meeting up and being intimate, even when we haven’t actually met.
What each papa (a male supporter) expects in return for financial support varies from person to person, and it can also change depending on the stage or circumstances of the relationship.
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I totally understand what you mean.
The women at the top of my monthly arrangement hierarchy understand that there’s no reason for me to give them a large allowance unless we’re intimate, so we have an unspoken understanding and do so.
The woman at the very top of my list has children. We haven’t been intimate for about two years, but I still want to give her an allowance, so sometimes it feels like we’re both forcing ourselves to meet.
I’d keep giving her money even if we didn’t meet, but she seems to feel that would be “too much,” so I reluctantly go on dates with her and her child.
P.S. I’m glad my way of thinking is the same as Fukuoka-san’s ☆
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For some people, as time goes on, the time they spend with the woman becomes more important, while the importance of the adult relationship itself gradually fades.
In that sense, it seems like they’re in a transitional phase right now: they want to support her with an allowance, but don’t like the idea of simply handing over money without doing anything in return, so they feel that they’re having an adult relationship in order to give her money.
It really depends on the person and what they value. As long as you’re comfortable with your own priorities, I think that’s what matters.
I’ve occasionally heard that people who have been together for many years eventually give the same allowance as for an adult relationship, even when they only go out for dinner.
Perhaps the adult relationship itself becomes less important—maybe because they’ve already had plenty of adult relationships—and they start paying an allowance simply for the time they spend together.
You may be wondering what other people do or whether you’re doing the same as everyone else, but people’s feelings and what they want change from person to person. I don’t think there’s anything particularly strange about it.
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I think that’s how it works from the very beginning.
Women don’t appreciate being treated as though men are only after their bodies.
And if she’d rather you spend the allowance on enjoying the date together, that usually means going out for a meal or doing something fun together.
The man wants to go to a hotel and give her an allowance for an adult relationship, but she isn’t doing it just for the money. She’d rather have him spend that money on a fun date and make the experience enjoyable for her.
In the end, the allowance a woman receives can differ greatly depending on whether an adult relationship is involved or not, but the amount the man spends overall may not actually be that different…
From the man’s perspective, he wants to give an allowance for an adult relationship and may feel that the woman wants that too. But I think it’s also important to let her choose and respect her decision.
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If you’re meeting and having sex with the same person three or four times a month, you’ll probably get bored after a year unless they’re truly exceptional. I’d definitely get bored.
Biologically, the intense rush of pleasure chemicals you get from having sex with one person only lasts for about two or three years. The fact that breakups, divorces, and affairs tend to increase around that point is part of human nature as an animal. Our instinct is to pass on our genes to many different women, and men’s bodies are designed to get excited by having sex with someone new.
Maybe try reducing how often you meet, seeing other women, and then meeting again. It might feel fresher.
Or try something new to stimulate your brain?
Even I’m starting to get a little bored with the women I’ve been seeing for over three years, even if it’s only once a month. I’m thinking about various things because I feel like I need to try something new. Making a sex tape was exciting, but once was more than enough, so I need to think of something else that gets me excited.
Of course, only with the other person’s clear consent...
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He must have discovered the pleasure of making his wallet ejaculate.
A man’s wallet is his second son after his penis, so make him ejaculate plenty and leave him completely drained.
Just as holding in semen is supposedly bad for your health and may raise the risk of prostate cancer, money is the same way.
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It depends on the person—or rather, if we’re extremely compatible and the relationship keeps growing deeper, I don’t think it would ever become that kind of arrangement, no matter how many years passed.
I’ve probably had about five relationships that lasted that way. With women like that, it feels like things continue for at least five years.
If you end up having sex simply because you have to in order to give her money, even though you’ve come to feel genuine human attraction toward her, then I’d think you might as well just give her an allowance for dinner only (no intimacy).
I’ve never found myself in that kind of situation, so I can’t really say how it feels.
If I no longer felt much attraction but continued seeing her out of inertia, I’d choose to end things. A relationship that only leaves you feeling exhausted isn’t good for you, either physically or mentally.
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If all you want to do is give her money, you could simply give her the money. The hotel would just be an unnecessary expense, and you could use that time to earn money by working—or enjoy another hobby instead.
So if you’re still paying to do those things, then surely you’re paying for the experience itself, aren’t you?
People’s motivations can’t be explained as 100% pure or driven by a single reason. It’s perfectly fine to say that your desire to support someone, your desire for that kind of experience, and even your desire to be affectionate without taking things that far are all mixed together.
I’m not sure whether you’re speaking from post-experience clarity or pretending to be a saint, but papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) really isn’t something that noble.
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