After being involved with someone for many years, have you ever come to feel that they’re truly important to you?

Are you a dominant too??? I honestly can’t understand what’s so enjoyable about paying women to meet you when you’re in your 20s or 30s… It’s like catching a fish at a stocked fishing pond… Having someone who fishes at a stocked pond lecture you about fishing… It’s only out in the rough waves of the open sea that it really counts… Having to meet over 300 people at a stocked pond… That practically amounts to admitting that you weren’t chosen (or were you just that desperate?). Edit: papa-katsu is a world where even a man who’s grown old, become less appealing, and has to spend money can still receive someone’s attention—and that’s precisely why you can feel grateful and appreciative. While you’re young, rather than taking the easy route and letting yourself be carried along like an escalator, I think it’s better to move forward steadily on your own two feet. It may take more effort, but what you build is completely different. Because it’s a world where you don’t have to work for anything, it doesn’t move you all that much. Life is precious, even if you’re spending it on things that are ultimately a waste, so I think it’s better to use it meaningfully. No matter how many fish you catch at a stocked pond, I don’t think you can really say you went fishing. Likewise, no matter how many people you meet through papa-katsu, it doesn’t compare to even one fish from the open sea—or even one person you truly fall in love with… Mac-san, Exactly. We’re looking for completely different things… I’m submissive, so unlike a dominant, I don’t get annoyed, irritated, frustrated, or angry. And with PATOLO or Type C, they’re also good at providing the right kind of service and technique, making me feel good and satisfied. But unlike a dominant, I probably don’t have my own standards, so even if the woman feels satisfied, fulfilled, has a good time, or reaches climax repeatedly—and even if I lose my erection or can’t finish—the main focus is still on how fulfilled she felt, how much she was able to develop, and whether we built a connection… That’s what matters to me…

You might want to ask an AI for advice, too.

Your question is whether I think being together for many years is important, right? I agree, but I’ve only just entered my fourth year, so I’m sure you know much more about it than I do. I’ve only met 100 people, so please apply to the respondent right away. I’d love to learn from someone as seasoned as you.

It seems like we’ve been getting a string of these annoying questions lately, lol. Once again, it looks like Maezawa-san just had AI write a model answer for him… though I could be wrong. Oh, I didn’t actually answer the question, lol. I have no way of knowing how you feel!

Hmm, you’re a “male member in his 30s,” right? If you’ve met 300 women over ten years, that means you’ve been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) since your 20s. And since you flatly say that what you feel is “different from romantic or familial feelings toward a wife or girlfriend,” does that mean you have a wife or girlfriend elsewhere? Something being important to you equals love, so yes, it is love. Love naturally arises in relationships between men and women. The acute form is infatuation, and the chronic form is love. “Wife” and “girlfriend” are labels imposed by social institutions, but perhaps there are also forms of love that don’t fit into those categories. Maybe you shouldn’t overthink it and should simply trust what’s right in front of you. Adding this because the 21-year-old staying over is apparently on summer vacation, got into the habit of staying up late, and woke me up watching anime. Now I can’t sleep. After meeting more than 300 people, I feel that having only a few—or even just one—person you genuinely want to cherish is a little low. I haven’t counted, but I’ve probably met fewer than 300 people myself. Even so, there were dozens I wanted to take care of and cherish. As for actually showing that through my actions, it was probably only a few people. There were also many girls who drifted away before I had the chance. The anime is loud, but I’m not telling her to turn it down. She’s cute, and she’s someone precious and important to me. The feeling behind “I love her so much I could put her in my eye without it hurting” is probably something like this. “Romantic and familial feelings toward a wife or girlfriend” are often based on quite a bit of calculation. When people get married, many of them consider things like their partner’s education and upbringing. Since the questioner started papa-katsu in their 20s, perhaps they’re a dry, rational person who thinks, “I’ll satisfy my sexual urges with money after weighing the risks.” Even someone like that can end up falling for a woman without any consideration of mutual interests. Maybe their logical mind doesn’t want to admit it, and they’re struggling with that contradiction. Adding this after reading Kami-hikoki’s answer. What Kami-hikoki is looking for and what this questioner is looking for through papa-katsu are completely different. So perhaps the questioner happened to encounter the very thing Kami-hikoki is looking for and is now confused by it. I’m probably closer to the questioner, while Make-otoko is probably closer to Kami-hikoki. But unlike the questioner, even if those feelings arise in me, I don’t get bewildered. I don’t happily lose myself in them like Kami-hikoki either. It’s more like going fishing for rockfish and catching a black sea bream instead—not what I was aiming for, but still a lucky break. Something important to you equals love, but this love won’t grow. It’s a child born with the fate of being culled. At least while it’s in your hands, it may be good to cherish and nurture it without denying it. > Kami-hikoki, Make-otoko Sometimes I envy Kami-hikoki’s immersion. If you could lose yourself in something that completely, it must feel wonderful. Make-otoko seems to represent the ultimate form of masculine resolve: taking responsibility for and caring for a love precisely because it won’t grow. Maybe a love that won’t grow is easier because you can dream forever that it might someday turn out well and bring eternal happiness. Once it actually grows, it would probably become too heavy a burden. I can relate to that, since I’m divorced too. To sum up, the questioner has three options: 1. Take it lightly, like me: “I was fishing for rockfish and caught a black sea bream—lucky me.” 2. Lose yourself in that love and enjoy it, like Kami-hikoki. 3. Pretend to be lovers and indulge in your dreams with peace of mind precisely because it’s a “love that won’t grow,” like Make-otoko. Well, I don’t think the world waiting at the end will be all that different, whichever path you choose.

If you’re in your 30s and have been doing papa-katsu for 10 years, does that mean you became a papa in your 20s and have met 300 PJ girls? Even I’ve only met a little over 200. There’s always someone above you. > What is this feeling? It’s probably just attachment. What else could it be? Naturally, when you spend a long time with someone, you grow attached. My top three monthly arrangements have all lasted five or six years. I’d be lonely if they were gone. I want them to stay forever. But I don’t tie them down, and they’re free to graduate whenever they want. Still, I’d be sad. I have virtually no romantic feelings for them, but I do feel something close to familial love. Adding this after reading Mac’s answer: > Something important is something you love, but this kind of love can’t grow. They were born destined to be culled. At least while they’re in your hands, it might be good to cherish and nurture them without denying them. Love can’t grow, huh… I guess that’s exactly what I’ve been avoiding facing. I feel like I’m acting creepily, secretly searching for a girl I can genuinely connect with without being afraid. I’m totally lost right now. One more addition: > Maybe love that can’t grow is easier because it lets you dream forever that it might someday become something wonderful. If it actually grew, it would probably become too much to bear. I can relate to that too, since I’m divorced. That makes sense. Maybe that’s it. In the end, I’m probably just running away. The one I can’t run away from is Queen, I guess. I still see her even after she had a baby, so I completely missed the chance to break things off. After getting burned out on the 34–39 age range, I’m now trying my luck with 19- and 23-year-olds and catching feelings. I’m starting with the less serious kind of love. Younger girls haven’t been jaded yet, so it’s more relaxed and fun. Mac and I are alike in that respect.

To be frank, you don’t need information like “10 years” or “more than 300 people” to ask about your feelings. If you want to boast about having had a long-lasting relationship, I think you’d be better off doing that somewhere else. What matters here isn’t how many people you’ve met, but what kind of time you’ve spent with a particular person and why you came to care about them. With that in mind, the psychological concepts that most closely match the feelings you’re describing are “companionate love” and “attachment.” Psychologist Robert Sternberg primarily explains love in terms of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to closeness, connection, and an emotional bond with another person. Passion refers to romantic or sexual desire, while commitment means the willingness to maintain the relationship. Even when romantic passion isn’t particularly strong, deep affection can still exist if there is intimacy and a desire to value the relationship. Psychologist Elaine Hatfield and others describe companionate love as a calm form of affection—different from intense romantic feelings—that combines attachment, trust, intimacy, and closeness. Put simply, it’s less the feeling of strongly desiring someone as a romantic partner and more the sense that “this person’s life has become something I can no longer consider unrelated to my own.” For example, if your feelings have changed from: “I care because we can see each other.” “I want to continue because the terms work for me.” to: “I hope they stay healthy even if we stop seeing each other.” “If they were in trouble, I’d want to help even without getting anything in return.” “Regardless of our relationship, I want them to be happy.” then what you’re feeling is more than simple fondness or compatibility within a transactional relationship. It is attachment and affection formed through a long period of interaction. This change can also be explained through the distinction between “exchange relationships” and “communal relationships” in relationship research. Clark and Mills distinguish an exchange relationship as one in which “you return something of comparable value because you received something,” while a communal relationship is one in which “you act with the other person’s needs and happiness in mind, rather than calculating what you will receive in return.” They also suggest that a relationship that began as an exchange relationship can become communal as the people involved grow closer. papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) generally begins as an exchange relationship involving terms and compensation. However, after continuing to meet for years, feelings such as: “How are they doing?” “Are they having any problems?” “I don’t want to lose this person.” “I want to care about them even if I get nothing in return.” can develop alongside thoughts like: “What am I getting?” “Is this worth the terms?” It may be easiest to understand this as a communal relationship emerging within an exchange relationship. Therefore, what you’re feeling is neither the typical romantic love one has for a wife or girlfriend, nor the kind of familial love based on blood ties. It is attachment, affection, and companionate love that developed through spending a long time together—feelings that aren’t necessarily romantic. This isn’t a special emotion created by having met more than 300 people. Regardless of the number, it seems that you’ve formed psychological bonds with a few particular people that can’t be explained solely by the terms of the arrangement or the roles involved. Before trying to find a name for your feelings, think not about what you want to get from the other person, but about what you wish for them and what loss would make you feel lonely. That may help you understand your feelings more clearly.

I’m in my 30s now and have been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for 10 years! So you’ve been doing it since your 20s. That’s amazing. Fuu also cares deeply about my monthly partners and has a lot of respect and gratitude for them. Do feelings really need to be clearly labeled as black or white, or put into neat categories? Isn’t it okay not to spell everything out so precisely? If you enjoy being together and feel comfortable with each other, then it’s nice to stay together for as long as possible. But papa-katsu is still a relationship involving money, so if a woman wants to end things, let her go cleanly and quickly. Take the good memories with you and move on to find the next woman—someone who’s an even better match...

It’s Fullerene! You sound like a kind person with a lot of heart. I really think you should give that feeling a name. I’ve also been seeing someone for nearly ten years, and I honestly don’t know what to call the relationship either. By the way, if you and this person were to part ways, would your feelings afterward be the same as they are while you’re together—or would they be different?