I’ve been seeing a woman who is seven years older than me for about five years. She’s married as well, but I’ve heard that she and her husband have been living separately for many years.
We meet about twice a month on average, and usually exchange messages on LINE once to three times a week. When we meet, we have dinner and then go to a hotel. We often stay overnight, and when our schedules allow, we sometimes spend the entire day together. We’ve also gone on hot-spring trips and traveled both domestically and abroad, visiting various places together.
I give her an allowance every time we meet. The amount is always the same and isn’t particularly high.
Once, she told me that, due to her personal circumstances, she wanted to end things, and we stopped being a couple for about a year. Even during that time, we continued messaging on LINE and went out for dinner once every few months. Eventually, things naturally returned to the way they had been, and our relationship has continued ever since.
She seems to enjoy herself when we’re together, and she usually replies to my LINE messages fairly quickly.
In a relationship like this, what feelings do women typically have toward the person they’re seeing?
- Does she have romantic feelings?
- Is she simply comfortable being with me?
- Are we physically compatible?
- Or is she only continuing because she receives an allowance?
I’d be grateful to hear everyone’s opinions.
> Do you have romantic feelings for him?
→ A little. Since I’m married and this has continued, I keep things in perspective to a certain extent.
・Is he someone you feel comfortable being around?
→ We’ve been seeing each other for five years, so obviously, yes.
・Do you have good physical chemistry?
→ Exactly.
・Or are you only continuing because you receive an allowance?
→ That’s the main reason. Compared with getting nothing, I’m sure it feels easier for you too, so just keep things as they are.
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Why do you think a complete stranger could possibly know what an unfamiliar woman is thinking?
If you want someone to tell you something that sounds convincing, you’d be better off asking a fortune-teller.
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A younger affair partner who also gives you an allowance? You absolutely won’t find terms this good anywhere else.
The fact that he continues seeing you because he gets money is probably a significant factor, but it’s likely a combination of things. It’s not at all unusual for a woman to dump a man even when he’s been giving her money, so he definitely finds you attractive. That said, it’s a combination of “attraction × money.” If the affair were continuing based on attraction alone, he’d refuse to accept the money.
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You’re paying her, but she’s still just your affair partner. The sense of excitement probably comes from the distance—or obstacles—between you, but that’s an illusion. If neither of you were married anymore, you probably wouldn’t choose to live together.
Besides, if she had genuine feelings for you in this kind of relationship, she would say, “You don’t have to pay me.” So while you, the person asking, may not have any love left after dragging this relationship along for five years, I think there’s even less on her side.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a form of pseudo-romance, but an affair is also a kind of pretend romance. When you read “I don’t have romantic feelings for her” and felt offended, thinking, “That’s not true,” you were also a little relieved, weren’t you? That’s how you really feel—and she’s even more detached.
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It’s generally unusual for an older woman to receive an allowance every time.
Perhaps the person asking doesn’t understand what kind of relationship they have.
Does the woman have some special circumstances, such as financial difficulties? If not, I think you should stop giving her an allowance every time. Women are very sensitive to being looked down on by men.
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If you’ve been together for five years, why not just ask her directly?
If it’s a purely superficial relationship where you can’t even ask that, then it’s probably just a relationship based on money and sexual desire. Who knows, though.
Women have sexual desires too, so maybe she sees you as a way to satisfy them while getting paid.
Compared with using a vibrator or other sex toy, she gets money and it feels good too—maybe that’s about it. Who knows, lol.
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It’s Fullerene!
As the person who’s been asking these ongoing questions seems to have realized, they’re probably all correct.
But even if you knew that was the answer, what would you do with that information? Do you enjoy taking a test when you already know the answers?
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