I’m a 30-year-old married woman. I’m planning to start trying for a baby soon, so I’m thinking of taking a break from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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I don’t think I’ll be able to start again for at least the duration of my pregnancy and around six months after giving birth.
I’ve been doing this for over ten years while also working as a livestreamer. Along the way, I met some wonderful people, got married, and feel that my life took a turn for the better, especially since I was originally quite poor.
The money I received through this allowed me to invest in myself and pursue my studies, which ultimately led me to meet my current husband. I’m truly grateful to all the papas (male supporters) I’ve met over the years.
My goal in life is to enjoy a happy married life, raise children because I love them, and continue working hard at my career.
However, I haven’t told anyone that I’m married. The thought of having to say goodbye to the papas I’m currently seeing if I become pregnant makes me very sad.
If I honestly tell them that I’m pregnant or married, I feel like none of them will want to see me anymore. So I’m thinking of giving them some other reason and stopping our meetings.
But even if I tell them I’m temporarily unable to meet because I’m not feeling well, I plan to continue livestreaming as a streamer, so I’m worried they’ll find it suspicious.
Would it be better to tell them I’m a single mother? Or, since I don’t think it’s realistic to ask them to wait for more than a year, should I simply disappear without saying anything?
I know it probably isn’t right to already be thinking that I might want to return to papa-katsu once things have settled down after giving birth. But you never know what the future holds, so I can’t say anything for certain right now.
Papa-katsu is partly about the money, but more than that, I genuinely enjoy meeting men this way and would ideally like to continue.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
If I’ve treated a woman really well while she was single, I’ll continue seeing her if she wants to, even after she gets married or has children, and I won’t reduce her allowance by even a single yen. I consider that my way of repaying her.
One of my two regulars is a mother. We stopped being intimate after she found out she was pregnant, and we didn’t see each other from the final month of her pregnancy through about six months after giving birth. However, I continued paying the monthly allowance we had agreed on—I paid six months upfront.
She’s currently trying for a second child, but even if we stop seeing each other again, I’ll continue paying the agreed monthly amount. That applies to the time when we were constantly intimate, as well as to her present and future.
I can’t imagine treating someone as if she’s no longer useful once intimacy is no longer possible.
In the end, I’d say: don’t get involved with small-minded men, and don’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) with them.
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I don’t think it’s always right to tell the whole truth, but lies that get found out are never a good idea.
I think it’s best to say, “Some things have happened, and I’m going to have a baby. Would you still be willing to continue our arrangement?” and continue only with the papa (male supporter) who stays.
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Why not just be honest and tell him plainly?
I don’t do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) with married men. I prioritize the risk that their wives might get angry and demand compensation, and besides, I’d feel bad for the wife in the first place.
That said, there are men who don’t mind. You should do papa-katsu with those men instead. I’m not so narrow-minded that I would condemn that on ethical grounds.
However, failing to disclose that you’re married means withholding a risk from the other person, which isn’t fair. It’s like a con artist selling someone a defective property without disclosing the defect.
If you deliberately want to hide it, at least send him a message on LINE or somewhere else saying, “I’m not married,” so there’s a written record. That way, if your wife gets angry, he can clearly argue that you lied to him. It’s the bare minimum of basic etiquette.
Above all, “Don’t cause trouble for other people.” That should be a guiding principle in life—almost like a personal constitution. If your parents never taught you that, take this opportunity to burn it into your mind.
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If you become pregnant, you won’t be able to continue papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I think you have no choice but to be honest.
As someone else has already pointed out, married women are a greater risk for men than single women, so I think keeping your marriage a secret is problematic.
If you explain that your husband doesn’t earn much and you’re really worried about the future when you think about raising a child, some papas (male supporters) might even tell you that you can resume after giving birth.
If that doesn’t work, you could always register again as a married woman with children. There are probably men who are willing to take on that level of risk in exchange for potentially greater returns.
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“I was actually married. We’re going to start trying for a baby, so I’ll be taking a break for now. Once the baby is born safely and things have settled down, may I contact you again?”
I think you should send a message like that.
Trying to get by by lying to and deceiving people will only make you unhappy in the end, too.
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I think it would be best to say something like, “I’ve decided to graduate from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so could we meet one last time?”
Meet one final time as a way of closing things out, and casually add something like, “I don’t plan on starting again, but if I ever do, I’ll get in touch.”
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? If you’re going to stop seeing each other eventually anyway, why not tell them you got married and pregnant?
You can simply say goodbye to any papa who says, “I won’t see you anymore,” and if there’s a papa who says, “I’ll wait for you,” then that’s lucky, right?
There may be papas who can support you like Fuu does, so don’t overthink it. Once things settle down with raising your child, you may not be able to meet on a monthly arrangement, but you could say, “Let’s meet up occasionally.” For Fuu, that would be totally fine and stress-free.
Why not just tell them first?
Two of Fuu’s monthly-arrangement partners got married and moved on, and one sent Fuu a photo when his child was born. Once things settled down with childcare, they occasionally met up.
One of Fuu’s current monthly-arrangement partners is married with two children. She was Fuu’s first partner who had been in the club longer than Fuu, registered while she was a student, and continued even after getting married. She has a genuinely generous papa, while Fuu is more like the backup papa lol.
Everyone’s out there living their lives. You only get one life, so you might as well enjoy it.
This married woman in her forties is really tight, you know? Even more pleasurable than Fuu’s partners in their twenties lol.
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It seems easy enough to continue the relationship as it has been without overthinking it.
So far, neither of you has needed to discuss or tell the other about getting married, and it seems like you have a relationship where you simply enjoy the benefits of being involved without getting too deeply involved.
A relationship with a comfortable distance—neither too intense nor too superficial—can be less likely to fall apart and easier to maintain. So if you don’t reach out or your schedules don’t line up, I think it would still be possible for you to meet again after you’ve given birth.
As long as the man feels there’s something in it for him, he’ll probably be willing to meet without any issues, especially since he likely isn’t that emotionally invested.
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