I’m feeling overwhelmed by stress from my monthly arrangement… Maybe papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) just isn’t for me?

The frustration comes from seeing him as a man, so just think of him as one more needy child to take care of. That’s how the respondents here—including me—see it. We pay money to have various childlike whims indulged. We’re not trying to shoulder you from the bottom of our hearts through masculine devotion or financial capability. If we were, we’d be married, wouldn’t we? It’s about how much affection you can show a child who isn’t related to you by blood. If you can’t do that, then this probably isn’t for you. How much can you say, “I love you,” in return to a grown man who looks like an adult but acts like a child—someone who isn’t related to you, yet at least gives you your allowance properly? Love is supposed to be unconditional. You’re being paid, so just play the role of an actress who loves this adult-child like his mother would. If I were you, I could keep things transactional and make it work. That papa doesn’t seem to be making any unreasonable demands beyond that, so if you can keep him wrapped around your finger, he looks like an easy mark. There are plenty of much worse papas out there. This is a pretty easy-to-understand example of what strikes a man’s emotional chord—or, more precisely, what makes you realize, “As long as I press this button, everything will be fine.” That’s the essence of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). The fact that the person asking this question doesn’t understand that—and is dreaming of the same sweet romance as a normal relationship between a man and a woman—means she probably isn’t suited to papa-katsu. If I were a young woman with reasonably good looks, I’d cling tightly to Mr. Loser, strip him of everything he owns, work him like a cart horse, and suck him dry to the bone. What a shame, lol. Girl: “I’ve fallen for you, Mr. Loser. Not only as a man, but as a person, you’re the most admirable person I’ve ever met. I want to make you my mentor in life. To improve myself, I’ll need 1 million yen a month, so I’d like to ask you for that. In return, I promise I’ll become the very best woman I can be! I’ll get married happily and have children, but the person I truly love with all my heart will always be you. I’ll keep that secret for the rest of my life and come visit you every month with my children. I’m so lucky to have found an absolute winner like you, Mr. Loser! I never want to let this opportunity slip away! If I had to put it another way, I want to be like the cute junior girl from your club activities. I want to follow you all the way to the national championships, seize glory together, shed tears, hug you, and say, ‘It’s all thanks to you, Mr. Loser, my senior!’ So please take care of me!” Mr. Loser: “Sure, leave it to me. Then training starts today!” How does that sound?

I once stayed in an arrangement because the allowance was good, even though I was forcing myself to put up with it. At first, I thought, “I can tolerate this much,” but I was constantly being pushed around every time we met. Eventually, even thinking about him became stressful. Every day, I wondered, “Why is he so selfish?” and “Why am I always the one who has to put up with things?” Before I knew it, I was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically. In the end, I ended things with him and returned all the allowance he had given me. Looking back, I didn’t need to return it all. But I must have been hurting so much emotionally that I wanted to erase not only the allowance, but the entire fact that I had been with him. My lesson from that experience is that no matter how good the allowance is, an arrangement isn’t worth continuing if it leaves you stressed. There are definitely people whose values align with yours and who will treat you with care. Please remember to put yourself first.

The woman I met today said, “I’ve met three papas so far, and every single one told me, ‘I want to be your only papa.’” Papas who get seriously attached and possessive are such a pain. I feel bad for the person who asked the question. Update after reading Mac’s answer: Lately, I’ve been running into one selfish girl after another—a woman in her mid-thirties who was beautiful but wanted no allowance, and a highly educated college student who turned out to be problematic. I honestly thought, “Isn’t this supposed to be pro wrestling? Papa-katsu is all about playing a role. Please just act the part—don’t become selfish for real.” They were all unbelievably exhausting. I ended things with every one of them. The no-allowance girl dumped me just as I’d hoped. Good job, me. Update: Mac, that was perfect. Thank you for putting into words what even I couldn’t articulate. Exactly. This is what I’m looking for. Wanting to meet a woman like that, I went to meet someone through another club besides Patolo today—the introduction fee was 55,000 yen. Her photos were heavily edited, but she had the most beautiful legs of anyone I’ve met before, so I’ll give her that. From meeting up to finishing and going our separate ways took just under two hours, and it was 60,000 yen. Luckily, we parted without exchanging LINE contacts. Update 2: Katase, you’re awesome. Mac is way too smart. He understands me better than I understand myself.

I think you’d be better off finding another papa (male supporter).

It’s already happened, so there’s not much you can do about it now, but once you say yes even once, it becomes the default standard. So answering the phone in the beginning probably wasn’t the best move. Based on what you’ve shared here, wouldn’t it be possible to just casually respond to his lovey-dovey “I love you” texts, stop answering his calls, and make “I really couldn’t answer” your default excuse? Or am I the only one who thinks that, Fuu? He does sound like a pretty demanding papa, though... If you really can’t stand it, why not end things and stick with a pay-per-meeting papa instead?

Last time, I believe you said it was “four times a month, with an adult relationship (intimate), ¥250,000 per month, plus gifts.” Does that mean the gifts are worth about ¥20,000 a month? If it’s building up so much stress that you feel like you can’t take it anymore, then maybe this arrangement isn’t right for you. Even if the other person gets angry, you should simply tell them that you can’t do something you’re uncomfortable with. If that means ending things, then you probably weren’t compatible in the first place. You’d be better off looking for someone more suitable. > “Should I just put up with it?” If you feel the allowance is worth putting up with it for, then you can choose to endure it. But if you feel you’ve had enough, you don’t need to force yourself. After all, this isn’t something you should have to endure just to continue.

I don’t think it’s right for you. I get that impression from the fact that you’re writing something like this here. I don’t think an arrangement involving an allowance is something you should force yourself to do.