Why is she opposed to marrying someone much older, yet able to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
This content is machine-translated.
My friend’s older sister, who is in her 30s, currently earns money through papa-katsu. She originally wanted to find a partner through a marriage agency and get married to someone younger or around her age. She preferred a dual-income, split-the-bills relationship and didn’t care if the man’s income was low. However, the marriage counselor told her she was being too demanding, and apparently only introduced her to men who were considerably older than her. Some were even about the same age as her parents.
She turned down all the much older men who were introduced to her or sent her offers, quit looking for a partner, gave up on marriage, and apparently started papa-katsu to save money for her retirement. She seems to exaggerate her age slightly on the papa-katsu app, where she meets considerably older men and receives money from them.
But when I was talking with my friend, they said, “I seriously don’t understand how she can do papa-katsu with men that much older than her when she doesn’t want to marry someone with a large age gap.”
My friend lives separately from their sister and doesn’t contact her very often, so they don’t really understand it either.
So my question is: Why can my friend’s sister do papa-katsu with older men even though she doesn’t want to marry someone much older? What’s the difference between marriage—particularly a marriage with a large age gap—and papa-katsu?
Sorry if this is a strange question. Guesses are welcome.
Is it the difference between free sex and paid sex?
Wouldn’t you hate having to look at some old guy’s face 24/7? If you’re being paid and it’s only for a short time, you can put up with it.
I think choosing to give up on marriage and live off your savings is a reasonable option. Marriage isn’t something you have to force yourself into.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
> So my question is: Why is my friend’s older sister able to do papa-katsu with older men when she says she doesn’t want to marry someone much older?
I couldn’t do a large age-gap marriage or serious relationship either, but I enjoy papa-katsu with older men.
For women, someone willing to give them money is valuable, so I think papa-katsu is doable as long as the man meets basic standards of cleanliness and grooming. On the other hand, us older guys pay money so women will keep their demands in check, and so we can be intimate with women who aren’t showing their completely unfiltered selves.
This is entirely my own fault, but things really haven’t been going well lately. I’ve been meeting more and more women who are just being their natural, unfiltered selves, and I never realized how exhausting that could be.
When money isn’t involved, you have to be careful with every single word. Today, for example, I said “girls,” but apparently she only heard the “women” part and said, “You just said ‘women,’ didn’t you?” It was incredibly tiresome.
I never have to deal with this kind of stress with my regular partners, to whom I give a substantial allowance. Papa-katsu is comfortable for both sides precisely because money is involved.
There’s no such thing as a serious relationship between a man and woman with a large age gap. It’s nothing but exhausting. Long live papa-katsu. I wrote a column along those lines, so give it a read. It’s still under review and hasn’t been published yet, though.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Thanks for the question—it’s full of things to comment on!
If a woman in her 30s can make money through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), she should still have plenty of options in the marriage market, so that must be a pretty awful matchmaking agency.
Marriage isn’t everything, so maybe it’s actually a good thing that your friend’s older sister realized what she’s really like and who she truly is.
papa-katsu is probably a good fit for her. Since it’s someone else’s life, I think whatever makes her happy and satisfied is fine.
There’s no point worrying about other people, so you’d be better off focusing on making your own life enjoyable and fulfilling.
Your friend’s older sister seems to be enjoying life and is quite attractive. Thank you for doing papa-katsu, sis!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
> Why is my friend’s older sister willing to do papa-katsu with older men when she doesn’t want to marry someone with a large age gap?
I think you should ask her directly.
We don’t know what your friend’s sister is like, and there doesn’t seem to be enough information here to make that judgment.
To begin with, is it really true that she doesn’t want to marry someone much older? Could you simply be assuming that?
And is it actually true that she does papa-katsu with older men? Could it be that she doesn’t do papa-katsu at all?
The reason we can’t even tell whether the premises are correct is that you’re asking about someone else, not about yourself.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Well, money, obviously. Plus, with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you can end things quickly if you’re not happy, and you’re free to do things your own way. Though I don’t know how experienced that woman is. Marriage is a whole different story.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
The questioner seems to be in his 20s, but if a 50-year-old woman said, “I’ll give you ¥50,000 as an allowance, so sleep with me,” what would you do? You might not be interested yourself, but surely you can agree that it wouldn’t be unusual for a guy her own age to accept, right?
Now suppose that woman said, “Marry me.” Don’t you think it’s perfectly normal for someone to feel, “I’d be okay with getting paid to sleep with her, but I wouldn’t want to go as far as marriage”? It’s the same thing.
Also, a single older man using a matchmaking service and a man doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are probably much more different than the questioner realizes. My friend’s older sister might even be willing to marry a wealthy man she met through papa-katsu, despite an age gap as large as the one between her and her parents.
To MakeOtokosan:
I’m not trying to one-up you; I’m just stating the facts, but I don’t feel that much more stressed with the women I’m dating now than I did with the women I used to date. I’m guessing Paper Airplane feels the same way.
The biggest difference is whether they’re okay with me dating multiple people.
That said, I’ve never had a non-papa-katsu age-gap relationship, so maybe that’s a completely different world.
Have you noticed any difference in stress between dating when you were young and dating younger women now outside of papa-katsu?
Ah, maybe you were popular when you were young, MakeOtokosan, and women showered you with attention even without you having to pay. If so, that explains everything. I’m outmatched 😆💦
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You sound like a little kid, going, “Why, why?”
I think it’s because ending a marriage is difficult, while an allowance-based relationship is easy to walk away from.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Marriage means living together for the rest of your lives, whereas papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is, if I had to put it bluntly, just a fleeting whim. Comparing the two by the same standards is clearly misguided.
Even I feel that it’s obviously unusual for someone in his 60s to be dating a woman in her 20s. That said, I’ve experienced many things—financially and otherwise—that are still unfamiliar territory for her, so I suppose meeting once or twice a month for a few years doesn’t feel particularly burdensome to either of us.
If a matchmaking service recommends only men in their 50s or older to women in their 30s, that sounds like a somewhat questionable agency. Normally, you’d expect them to recommend someone around the same age or perhaps up to 12 years older.
In any case, treating marriage and papa-katsu as if they belong on the same playing field is simply nonsensical.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Isn’t that a rather silly question?
Marriage, where you’re looking for the one person you want to spend your life with, and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) obviously aren’t the same thing.
When it comes to marriage, it’s perfectly normal for both men and women to primarily consider people around their own age. And if someone you genuinely want to marry does come along, the age gap probably won’t matter anymore.
Regardless of age difference, though, it’s not as if the person you want to marry comes along very often.
By contrast, papa-katsu can be started smoothly at any time, as long as there are no issues. For women, the primary motivation for getting involved is the allowance, so as long as that condition is met, the age gap is unlikely to be a major problem. Depending on the situation, a larger age difference may even offer a sense of calm, comfort, and security—as well as a maturity and generosity that someone of the same age might not provide. Since it can enrich a woman’s life while giving her financial support, there’s generally little reason to turn someone down solely because of the age gap.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
