I’d like some advice about a papa (a male supporter) with a very emotionally unstable personality.
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I’m a woman in my 30s.
I have a papa I’ve known for about a month, but I’m finding his emotional instability a little difficult to deal with.
Our terms are four meetings a month, including an adult relationship (intimate), for ¥250,000 a month, plus gifts. Today, I mentioned that I wanted some jewelry, and he ordered me a bracelet worth around ¥1 million.
He’s the type who prefers giving presents rather than handing over cash.
The terms are genuinely great, and if possible, I’d like to continue seeing him for a long time.
The problem is, he’s extremely emotionally unstable…
He messages me whenever he has free time and says things like, “I want to talk on the phone for at least one minute every day.”
Then, he’ll suddenly say, “Let’s break up,” but the moment I pull back and say, “Okay, then I guess that’s it,” he desperately tries to stop me from leaving.
We’ve had this kind of exchange so many times that I’m honestly exhausted.
I once told him, “Please stop testing me like that,” but he just replied, “I’m insecure. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” and that was the end of the conversation.
He also sometimes asks me, “In the end, you’re only interested in me for my money, right?”
Of course, I can’t exactly say what I really think, so I just smile and reply, “That’s not true.” But honestly, I’m getting tired of that exchange too. Sometimes I want to point out, “We’re both seeing each other because we each have our own reasons,” haha.
That said, he’s not a bad person. He’s very kind in many ways, and the terms are genuinely good, so I’d like to keep seeing him for as long as possible if I can.
If you have any tips or advice for getting along with this kind of insecure, dependent man, I’d really appreciate it.
I don’t think he’s mentally unstable—he just wants constant attention.
The person asking may find him tiresome, but they’re getting paid for it. If they want to keep receiving the allowance, they should put up with it and continue; if not, they should end things.
It’s the same as any job: “Stop complaining and work if you want a paycheck, you idiot! If you don’t like it, quit! There are plenty of replacements!” I’d never say that to my own employees, but I can say it to the person asking.
>As for tips or ways to improve the relationship with this kind of insecure, dependent man:
He isn’t “insecure and dependent”—he’s simply a pain to deal with. And the person asking is lazy and taking papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) too lightly. Realizing those two things might change something, but if they’re just going to read my answer and get angry, there’s nothing anyone can do.
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This is just a guess, but I think men like that repeat the same pattern over and over.
They probably do the same thing with every woman they make an offer to and start seeing. Eventually, the woman gets tired of putting up with it, or the man gets tired, and the relationship ends. Then he looks for another woman and makes another offer, repeating the cycle. In some cases, he may even be doing this with several women at the same time.
On the other hand, even among women I only see pay-per-meeting once or a few times a month, there are some who message me on LINE every day without me asking, or who end up talking with me on the phone every day.
So if the man the questioner is seeing meets someone like that, the relationship may settle down and continue smoothly.
I don’t think this is something that can be fixed with a few little tips or adjustments. As long as you’re torn between “This is a hassle” and “I want the money,” I feel like there may be no end to it.
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You know what kind of person he is, you’ve dealt with him before, and you’re still seeing him now. That makes me think you’ve already figured out how to handle him.
At this point, I think it comes down to whether you can put up with it. Maybe you’re looking for tips on how to endure it, but perhaps the key is to remind yourself that you want to keep seeing him because the terms are good.
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I’m Fullerene!
They’re only two years old!
They’re going through the terrible twos, so it can’t be helped.
Keep up the great work as a childcare worker.
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It’s kind of strange that someone with that kind of personality could be so wealthy. At the very least, he doesn’t seem like a business owner.
My guess is that unless you’re the one who ends things, he probably won’t be the one to cut you off.
As long as he continues to be financially reliable, why not accept that this is simply how he is and enjoy the relationship almost like a game? It might be best to act like a queen and keep him on his toes.
But if you really can’t handle it and it starts affecting your mental health, you can always end things quickly and move on to the next person.
That said, I get the feeling he might turn into a stalker if you cut him off, so I’d recommend keeping your personal information as private as possible.
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More than anything, you need to be prepared to accept being cut off.
Once you’ve made peace with that, you can do whatever you want. You can leave their messages unread or read them without replying. Do as you please. Then they’ll gradually become your underling—because they like you.
Don’t become a fence-sitter here. Keep telling yourself every day, “I’m okay with being cut off.”
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