I’ve been active in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for just under 10 years. Recently, I’ve noticed that around 10–20% of the women I meet for a first date wear pants, including jeans. It seems more common than it used to be.
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We usually meet at places like hotel lounges. I understand that some women may be coming straight from work and need to dress accordingly, but in most cases, when I ask, that doesn’t seem to be the reason. I’m usually wearing a suit or equivalent business-casual attire.
Of course, I have no issue with women wearing a variety of outfits once we’ve met several times, but on a first date, it does feel slightly out of place to me.
So I’d like to ask the female members here: Do you think this reflects changing values over time, is it simply coincidence, or does it indicate lower expectations for the date? I’d really appreciate hearing your perspectives.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
It’s Fullerene!
I think you could simply tell her what kind of outfit you’d prefer, but if you deliberately chose not to, then you should blame your own lack of judgment for not picking a girl who’s your type, haha.
Sorry, but that part didn’t sit right with me!
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Compared with 10 years ago, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) itself has become much more casual, which may be part of the reason.
Another possibility is that more people now start using dating clubs with the same mindset as meeting someone through an app.
If you would like to maintain a certain atmosphere at your dating club, one option would be to ask the staff:
“It would be helpful if you could let them know to come dressed appropriately for a hotel lounge.”
That way, the women will have less uncertainty, and it may help both parties enjoy a more comfortable first meeting.
I hope you meet someone wonderful.
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Lately, for first meetings, I try to reserve a private room at a restaurant or somewhere similar whenever possible and meet there. Partly because we often need to discuss sensitive topics—such as what kind of relationship they’re looking for or the terms of the arrangement—but it also means I’m not bothered if she arrives dressed somewhat inappropriately for the occasion, and her behavior won’t inconvenience anyone around us.
So, whatever she chooses to wear, I don’t really worry about it.
Of course, there may be times when she couldn’t change because of work, but I think most women choose the outfit in which they feel they look their most attractive. So the most reasonable assumption is that a woman who comes in trousers felt that style suited her best and reflected who she is.
As the man, I think all you really need to consider is whether the outfit suits her and whether it feels different from the image of her you had imagined from her profile and so on.
Just as with a job interview, first impressions are very important when people meet. Women who understand that will generally come dressed appropriately.
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Trends seem to be changing faster and faster.
What surprised me was how popular sweatpants have become. I always thought of them as loungewear, but so many women—especially younger women—are wearing them out in public. That said, I don’t think they have quite enough mainstream appeal to become popular with everyone, so it still feels like something limited to certain people.
You might even arrange to meet someone and have her show up wearing gray sweatpants.
Quite a while ago, someone told me they were surprised when a woman showed up to a meeting in Ginza wearing sneakers. But these days, sneakers are considered more fashionable, and leather shoes are apparently met with a “What are those?” kind of reaction.
It’s easy to judge everything by our own fixed ideas—our old-fashioned sense of what’s normal.
But I sometimes think that learning about things like this is one of the benefits of a dating club. If you want to hold on to fossilized values, you could simply date women your own age. When you date younger women from a different generation, you get to learn about the present—about how things are different from the past. That has value too.
So I think it’s best to approach everything with an open mind and accept it.
Even without asking about it here, you’ll probably naturally learn these things through conversation when you meet and spend time with a woman you’ve approached.
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I’m a losing male member who’s almost about to become a former member.
When making an offer, you can specify the woman’s outfit, so try checking the option that says, “I’d like her to come in somewhat formal attire.”
That said, I think there’s a slightly higher risk that your request may be declined.
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I don’t think it really matters.
Personally, my interest is more focused on the underwear she’s wearing once her pants are off, and especially after the underwear comes off.
If you have specific preferences about what the woman wears, it’s probably best to mention them when making the offer or include them in your profile.
I’m fine with anything, but I’ve written in my profile about the styles I’m not fond of. Every now and then, women I meet tell me it was helpful as a reference.
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Apparently, trousers have been coming back into fashion over the past six months to a year. It seems the trend is shifting from cute styles to more elegant ones. Idols are following it too, and above all, the “jirei-kei” mass-produced girls seem to be disappearing.
Also, apparently denim and trousers are a different story depending on whether they’re skinny or baggy. The girl next to me eating soba says baggy is a no-go, but skinny is totally fine.
Don’t you have any other girls in a monthly arrangement, questioner? You’d get a much more useful answer by asking a girl you already know than by posting in this question box full of old men and grandpas. Are you bored?
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LOL. So, are you saying you’re more motivated to go on a date when she’s wearing a skirt, and less motivated when she’s wearing pants? That’s not really how things are these days. As you’ve already realized, that feeling of discomfort is probably outdated.
Maybe you feel that meeting at a hotel lounge is difficult if she’s wearing pants? As the other respondents—including Fuu—have said, for a first date after receiving an offer, a private room is the only way to go, since you’ll also be discussing an adult relationship (intimate). So if you’re worried about people watching, you might as well choose a private room.
Fuu once had a terrible experience in a hotel lobby, surrounded on both sides by groups of middle-aged women, so ever since then, private rooms are the only option. From the second meeting onward, though, I’ll go somewhere other than a private room...
Also, if Fuu likes the woman and thinks the style suits her, pants are totally fine from the first meeting. Either way, once she’s undressed, her bare legs are the same ^_^
Nurses’ uniforms, high school uniforms, and even flight attendants’ uniforms have shifted toward pants for warmth, ease of movement, and in this more gender-neutral era.
Personally, I love the sexy glimpse of a panty line beneath a pair of pants! I stare shamelessly on escalators and such. LOL. What a pervert!
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