Question about my papa’s possible attachment

The question is whether the poster’s feeling—that the more time and money someone invests, the stronger their attachment becomes—is correct, right? Generally speaking, that tendency may exist, but it depends on ① the papa’s financial situation and ② his personality. At least when it comes to time, the papa is probably enjoying himself, so it doesn’t feel like a burden at all. In other words, it doesn’t necessarily lead to attachment. The amount of money may seem shockingly high to the poster, but it probably doesn’t feel like that much to the papa. Ultimately, whether he becomes attached depends on the man’s personality. The fact that you say, “I have other papas too, but I strongly want to become his number one over those other men,” suggests that he has a strong competitive streak. But even that doesn’t necessarily lead to attachment. Some people simply want to establish clear winners and losers in everything, almost as if it were a sport. That said, he probably has a lot of pride, so it may be safest to be careful not to anger him. Wealthy people can be troublesome when they get angry because they know all kinds of ways to retaliate. They have both the time and the money to do it. I feel like you’ll probably be fine as long as you don’t lie as much as possible and treat him with a reasonable degree of sincerity as a person. If you’re worried, why not ask him directly and get his answer on record: “The terms are almost too good, and that scares me. If I happen to get a boyfriend, would you be able to let me go without becoming attached?” Confirming that might cause the papa to lose interest, but a papa like that would probably be prone to attachment anyway, so cutting things off would actually be the right choice. It’s similar to how you treat a stray cat. Even if I feed one, I wouldn’t capture it, have it neutered, and keep it confined in a small cage under the pretense of giving it shelter. That doesn’t seem like happiness to me. Still, the food might not be leftovers—it might be expensive food bought at a drugstore. There are probably people who believe you shouldn’t feed stray cats. That’s similar to the attitude of people who disapprove of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). Papa-katsu women really are a lot like stray cats. Some cats might even say, “I don’t care if you neuter me—just keep me.” I’m sure Loser Guy will write again, “Unlike the poster, I’m having trouble because girls become attached to me.” Come to think of it, there are currently three or four girls who clearly tell me, “I’m not going to get married. I want to stay by your side forever.” About six months ago, there was one girl who made me think, “If I had just this one, I wouldn’t need anyone else.” I genuinely came to want her—to possess her, in a sense—but she disappeared after leaving a note. She had severe binge-eating and purging problems. I was pretty depressed, and although I knew where she lived alone, I made an effort not to become something resembling a stalker. It was painful in its own way. Attachment is a lot like drug addiction. So it’s not impossible that the poster’s papa might become attached, but if he’s someone with strong self-control like me, he’ll deal with it himself so as not to cause trouble. It isn’t about how much time or money was spent. It’s about whether the person really gets under your skin. I never thought I would become attached myself. Looking back, I think our physical compatibility played a major role. She was the only person with whom I could climax three times in one night, even at my age: before going to sleep, when I woke up in the middle of the night, and toward morning. If possible, I’d like to experience that again. Maybe she sensed how attached I had become and left because of it. I’ve recovered now, but for about a month afterward, being with other girls felt strangely bland, which was difficult. > Loser Guy My attachment was physical, so I have no lingering feelings for her emotionally at all. I like analyzing and organizing people’s emotions, but I’m not emotionally invested in them. Maybe that’s why it never became that intense. People who become attached to someone’s heart must have a hard time. While you’re still in a relationship, it’s dependence; after the other person tells you it’s over, I think “attachment” or “lingering feelings” is more appropriate. Earlier I wrote, “Loser Guy will probably write again, ‘Unlike the poster, I’m having trouble because girls become attached to me,’” but in that sense, maybe I used the term incorrectly. My apologies. Still, can there really be dependence without attachment? I suppose it’s possible if you have strong self-control like me, but women tend to place more emphasis on emotional aspects, so isn’t it difficult? If a girl doesn’t become attached to you, perhaps she wasn’t dependent on you in the first place. By the way, what happened to that woman Loser Guy was seeing without an allowance, the one who became incredibly troublesome? Has she become attached to you since then? Pressuring someone to get back together when they’re saying they want to break up is almost like violence—close to psychological rape. I think it’s one of the most insensitive and ugly things people can do emotionally. Perhaps being conscious of that is why I have such strong self-control. “Protect,” “I want to protect her,” and “Let me protect you” may be less about attachment to the other person and more about one’s own pride. The other person is certainly part of the equation, but it doesn’t feel like an emotional movement directed toward them. > If I’m the one who has to break up with this problematic girl, she’ll get so offended that it’ll become incredibly troublesome. That’s probably the right approach. You’re quite experienced, as expected. So in this poster’s case too, the safest option would probably be to play the role of a “bad girl” and make him be the one to cut things off. But I wonder whether there are actually girls who use that kind of tactic. I’ve never seen one.

It’s basically just the way nature—or the laws of physics—works, isn’t it? You get bigger returns because you’re taking bigger risks, and you get stronger because you put yourself through tough training. Those are pretty basic, universal principles. In manga terms, it’s like the restrictions and vows in HUNTER×HUNTER, or the binding vows in Jujutsu Kaisen. There’s obviously something being offered in return, but if there’s a gap between that and the allowance, maybe it’ll come back in some other form. As for preventing that, either offer something to make up the difference or set the allowance at an amount that matches what you’re offering. Women’s intuition is usually pretty accurate, so if you have a bad feeling about it, I think it’s better to trust your gut. My mom is almost always like, “See?! I’ve had a bad feeling about that person for a while!” whenever a celebrity gets divorced or ends up involved in some scandal.

Basically, I’d say he’s one of the top-tier papas (male supporters) in the compensated dating scene. He does seem fairly possessive, though. I believe it’s dangerous for anyone—men or women—to become dependent on just one person. So I think the best arrangement for both sides is to make each other feel, “You’re the most important person to me,” while quietly seeing a few other people as well. Looking back, if you ask whether the amount of money and time invested is proportional to how attached someone becomes, I’d say no. The more satisfied someone is during the relationship, the more graciously they seem able to let the other person go when it ends. Then again, you wouldn’t stay involved with someone for that long if you weren’t highly satisfied in the first place. Well, I’m simply grateful that someone as young and beautiful as these women would choose to spend time with an old man like me—even if, of course, it’s for the money. There are probably many men who can’t be that detached and become deeply attached and unable to let go, so my experience may not be very helpful. In reality, even if a man is extremely possessive, there probably isn’t all that much he can do when the woman initiates a breakup—especially if he has a high social status. If anything, I think the greater risk is that a woman becomes too dependent on one man, to the point where her entire life falls apart if he cuts her off.

Just my opinion, but… If you’re getting ¥700,000 a month and haven’t had any problems so far, I’d say your only real option is to keep things going. If he starts asking for personal information or seems like he’s going to become a hassle, you can just cut things off and say goodbye right away. I don’t know how often you meet each month, but I’d say you’re in a pretty fortunate situation. If you’re also getting generous allowances from other papas, you could always drop him and find someone new.

Well, if he’s giving you ¥700,000 a month, it’s understandable that he’d become attached, right? Maybe. If he’s a papa who’s dated a lot of women, though, he might get bored after about two years and want to move on to someone else. From a genetic perspective, the brain’s dopamine response supposedly lasts for a maximum of about three years. So if the terms are that good, you might be able to continue for around three years—but the papa could eventually lose interest, find another woman, and cool off toward you. It’s ultimately at your own risk, but I think it’s fine to see how far you can take it. The returns will be smaller, but if you don’t want to take too many risks, you could avoid a monthly arrangement and instead have several pay-per-meeting papas who see you once or twice a month. If something unpleasant happens, you can end things right away, and having other papas would give you a backup, which might make things feel less stressful. A generous (well-paying) papa can be both good and bad—it really depends on the person.

> I can’t help feeling that your papa’s behavior is leaning quite heavily toward an affair. Actually, I think dating clubs may have originally been places where men looked for mistresses. So his behavior is fairly typical, and I think he’s drawing clear boundaries so as not to put you in a difficult position. > You have good physical chemistry > and you’re satisfied with the terms of the arrangement Given that, I don’t think you need to consider ending things right now. If he’s maintaining clear boundaries, it also seems less likely that you’ll run into trouble later. Besides, no one knows what the future holds. The time you’ve invested may have some bearing on things, but when it comes to money, I think it depends on how it compares to his income. And if it’s only been two months, you could simply continue seeing him and reconsider whether things are okay after two or three years.

What’s the difference between attachment and dependency? I’ve hardly ever had anyone become attached to me, but girls do become dependent on me. I take all 1,000 rounds of their “knock-knock” treatment with a smile, so they gradually become more and more cheeky. Probably. Isn’t your papa (a male supporter) in the best possible position right now? Because she’s mildly dependent on you—or attached to you—you’re able to receive a high allowance of 700,000 yen a month steadily over the long term. I honestly don’t see any reason to cut things off now. It just sounds like you’re showing off your happy situation. What surprised me more than your question was that Mac had a woman who was on the verge of becoming attached to him. I don’t think he had ever written about it that clearly before, which makes it feel all the more credible—like it was the real deal. After dating her for five years, my No. 3, who ranked just below my Ace and Queen, has gotten a boyfriend with marriage in mind, and her graduation from my roster is drawing near. She’s told me, “I don’t know whether we’ll continue our physical relationship, but even if that ends, I definitely want you to keep seeing me.” That’s what’s allowing me to maintain my mental state somehow. Writing this, I’m realizing that I may well be attached to No. 3 myself. I still want to see her and sleep with her even after she gets married. That said, I have absolutely no intention of getting in the way of her happiness. If she says she wants to see me, I’ll be happy to meet her, but I don’t think I’ll be the one to contact her. Tomorrow is my second date with a girl who might become a monthly arrangement. She’s exactly my type, and since No. 3’s position will be opening up, I’m hoping this girl might become my new No. 3. I’d like us to grow close enough that someday she can take the place of my Ace when she eventually graduates. She also said, “I become dependent on my boyfriends, so I’ve decided not to get one.” I listened while thinking that I’d really love for her to become dependent on me. By the way, my Ace is extremely dependent on me and strongly attached as well. I rejected her once, and she became a stalker at the time. But if she’s genuinely cute, I don’t find it painful at all even if she becomes attached, dependent, or even turns into a stalker. I just find it cute. Update: > By the way, my Ace is extremely dependent on me and strongly attached as well. My Ace is both dependent on me and attached to me. She sent me a really heavy LINE message this morning too. As a person, the word “attachment” doesn’t really fit my Queen, but she’s at least as dependent on me as my Ace, if not more so. However, I think she’d accept it fairly easily if I rejected her. In that sense, she doesn’t seem attached. My Ace became a stalker when I rejected her, so there’s no doubt that she’s attached. So, Mac, does that mean yours is physical dependency and attachment? That’s a little different from me. For me, “protecting her,” “wanting to protect her,” and “wanting her to let me protect her” come first. It isn’t about the heart or the body. That’s why I still protect my Queen, even though our physical relationship has ended. Even if I could no longer sleep with my Ace, I’m sure I’d continue protecting her. And neither my Ace nor my Queen has stolen my heart. I wonder if it’s something like seeing them as daughters who aren’t related to me by blood. Update 2: I’ve been gradually reducing how often I message that Black girl on LINE and watching how she reacts. She’s scary. I have no idea what she’s thinking. I don’t think she’s dependent on me, but she does seem attached. When we break up, if she can’t be the one to reject me, her pride will be hurt and things could become incredibly troublesome. So for now, I’m gradually acting like a “bad guy,” rather than a loser. I’m occasionally doing inconsiderate things and talking more about “my heroic exploits” in conversation, hoping to make her lose interest. To the person who asked the question: Talking things through with Mac helped me sort out my thoughts. As Mac suggested, I think it might be a good idea to gradually show her your “bad side.” However, since breaking up isn’t the goal, I think you should reveal those flaws little by little and see how she reacts. Perhaps start with a “slightly shorter-date strategy”—for example, acting like you’re a little concerned about what time the date will end.

The time and money you’ve invested can certainly intensify attachment, but so can having good sex or strong chemistry. Attachment can grow when a relationship is going well, and it can also grow when things aren’t going well. Problems caused by attachment happen even outside of relationships, such as at adult entertainment venues. I don’t think people’s emotions work in such a simple, straightforward way as “because of A, therefore B.”