Today, I upset my papa (a male supporter) over where we were supposed to meet for dinner. I’d really appreciate some objective feedback from those with more experience on what I could have done differently and how I should handle things going forward.
This content is machine-translated.
We had arranged our second dinner date through Universe (the first had also included an adult relationship), and he had sent me the restaurant’s address. Since the restaurant started seating all guests at once, people began being shown to their tables as soon as the scheduled time arrived.
When he still hadn’t arrived at the meeting time, I messaged him, “Is it okay if I go inside?” He replied, “Yes. I’ll be there shortly.” So I assumed it was fine to go in ahead of him and wait inside.
However, the restaurant asked me for the name on the reservation, and I didn’t know his last name, which was the reservation name, so I couldn’t answer. In the end, I didn’t take a seat and simply waited there.
Looking back, I realize I should have been more considerate and not entered the restaurant without knowing his last name, and I regret that.
After he arrived, he reprimanded me rather strongly, saying, “If you go into the restaurant without knowing the reservation name, people will realize this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), won’t they?”
Apparently, he wanted me to wait outside the restaurant. He said that even if the staff were seating everyone at once and told me to go inside, I should have declined and said, “I’ll wait here.”
When we parted, I wanted to end things peacefully, so I apologized, but he became even more severe and said, “That’s not what anyone with common sense would do.”
I was also having stomach pain, possibly from food poisoning, so I asked to end the date as dinner only (no intimacy) and declined to continue.
Even when we first met, he repeatedly harshly criticized the way the restaurant staff served tea, and eventually the manager came over to apologize.
I do think there are things I should reflect on, but if apologizing doesn’t calm the other person down, should I just keep apologizing? Since he had given me permission by message to go inside, should I have clearly stood up for myself on that point?
I keep wondering what the right way to handle this would have been.
Part of me feels that, since I’m receiving an allowance, it may be inappropriate for me to argue my side. At the same time, I genuinely want to become close with the men who approach me, so I wonder whether I should honestly express what I’m thinking.
I’m sorry for the poorly written post, but I would be very grateful for any advice. Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Unless he’s offering an exceptionally generous allowance, you have no other papas, or you aren’t getting any offers, I don’t think papa-katsu is worth doing if it means putting up with unpleasant experiences.
I’d say it’s perfectly fine not to make another arrangement and simply block him on LINE.
Even if you explain how you feel, he’ll probably get angry and only make you feel worse. So I’d just leave without saying anything.
Wait for an offer from a papa like Fuu—someone who respects the woman he’s seeing, is kind, and treats the staff at the restaurant well.
Lately, I’ve made it a hobby to find delicious hidden-gem restaurants, become friends with the owners, and get to know the staff too.
This month, I’ve even been invited to an event for regular customers only.
Getting angry and blowing up when he has nothing to gain—what a foolish papa he is ^_^
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You didn’t do anything wrong. The power-tripping older guy was in the wrong for not answering when you called and for failing to tell you to wait in front of the restaurant.
Besides, I’ve never once had someone make the person in charge apologize. What a disgusting man. I’ll be careful not to become someone like that.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If you’re asking how the questioner should have handled it, then if you’re young and want the money, you simply say, “That’s right,” when the other person says, “Crows are white.” People from my Shōwa-era generation were raised that way, regardless of gender, so it wouldn’t bother us much. But I suppose young people these days tend to overthink it.
If you start talking about what’s unreasonable or what’s morally right, the fact is that by doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) in the first place, you’ve already stepped outside conventional common sense. So don’t agonize over it. Weigh the allowance against the stress it causes you: if it’s a net positive, meet him again; if it’s a negative, end things. It’s that simple.
As for the fact that there’s nothing to learn from him as a person, just treat him as a negative example. Haven’t you heard the expression “let it roll off you like wind through a willow”? You were upset because you thought, “I wasn’t the one at fault, so why did I have to apologize?” and came here to ask about it, right? That lingering frustration is also a weakness shared by the questioner and many young people today. Truly strong people naturally think, “I’ve found what makes this man unpopular with others—this is my chance to get close to him and pull some money out of him.”
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If he’s just a money tree, I think you should simply play along.
That said, a man who treats restaurant staff or other service workers arrogantly probably isn’t going to make a particularly good papa, to be honest.
What I find puzzling is why you want to genuinely communicate with this man so badly.
I’ve both hosted and been hosted at countless business dinners, but I’ve never met a successful person—someone who can do their job well or grow a company—who treats people in the service industry condescendingly.
If anything, I’m more curious about why you’re so fixated on this particular man.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
The questioner isn’t at fault at all. It’s entirely the papa’s fault.
That said, you’ll probably run into idiots like this from time to time in life, and since they’re basically a source of money, there’s nothing wrong with learning how to handle them skillfully.
Just politely apologize and say, “I’m not very familiar with the usual etiquette, so could you please explain it to me?”—while secretly sticking your tongue out at him in your head.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
When it comes to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the questioner is being pretty clueless.
Trying to enter without knowing either his real name or the name under the reservation was foolish, but that’s still within the bounds of being endearingly scatterbrained.
The real problem is this…
If he acted arrogant at the first meeting, then he’s a seriously abusive, power-tripping man. Meeting him a second time is out of the question. If you can’t see that much, you’ll never find a papa (a male supporter) you’re truly compatible with.
The man was extremely abnormal for booking a restaurant with a fixed simultaneous start time for the second meeting, even though the woman was a C-type. And on top of that, he showed up late… With a man like that, she couldn’t even say something like Yozakura-san did; all he can do is blame others.
I think it’s perfectly fine—indeed, the more perceptive and strict, the better—for you to judge men based on how they make you feel.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If those are the only two options, I think you should keep apologizing if the other person still hasn’t calmed down despite your apology.
From what I’ve read, when you messaged, “May I go into the restaurant?” they replied, “Yes. I’ll be right there.” So I can’t help wondering why you didn’t give them the reservation name at that point. Wasn’t that inconsiderate? Not giving them the reservation name seems unthinkable.
That said, if you want to continue seeing them, I think it would be wiser to keep apologizing until they’re satisfied.
I do worry, though, that a relationship where you can’t say what you really want to say would become exhausting. Ultimately, what you do is up to you.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
