Falling for a Woman You Met Through a Dating Club

This is almost exactly what I would have asked. I’ve been thinking about the very same thing over and over for years, and I still haven’t found an answer. Would you like to grab tea together sometime? lol There’s no doubt that I care about my monthly arrangement partners. But it’s completely different from being in love. I’m definitely not the type to become emotionally dependent or unstable. If I had to choose one word, “love” is probably the closest. I want to protect them. I feel like I have to protect them. I want to take care of them. I spend so much time thinking about protecting these women that maybe I’m forcing the word “like” onto the feelings I have for women I want to protect. (That’s how it feels to me.) One of my highest-priority monthly arrangement partners is a woman I call “Queen.” She’s married and has children. We stopped being intimate after she found out she was pregnant, and we didn’t see each other from the final month of her pregnancy until six months after the birth. However, I gave her six months’ worth of her monthly allowance in one lump sum during the final month of her pregnancy. These days, we go on dates with her child, and I sometimes look after the baby and take them out for a walk so she can have a break from childcare. What I’m doing is basically babysitting, but I’ve continued giving her the same monthly allowance as before. Because I want to protect her. It isn’t payment for intimacy. I give her money because I want to protect her. Life is difficult for women. What exactly do I feel for Queen? I’m not really sure myself. I don’t think there will ever be a day when we’re intimate again. She once said she wanted to have at least two children. The day will definitely come when we can no longer see each other. But I’ll probably continue giving Queen her monthly allowance—to protect her. I know for certain that it isn’t romantic love. “Love” is probably the closest word, but I still don’t really understand it myself. There’s another woman, “Ace,” who is also one of my star monthly arrangement partners. I’ve never seen a woman more popular with men than Ace. She’s incredibly cute, but my feelings for her aren’t romantic either. My feelings for her are probably similar to what I feel for Queen: “I have to protect this girl too.” What does it mean to protect someone, anyway? Is it love, after all? Or is it simply that I like her? I’ve met several women through Universe Club and entered boyfriend-girlfriend relationships with them, and some of those relationships are still ongoing. There’s no doubt that I care about them, but it’s completely different from being in love. So is it about money? I’ve realized recently that it isn’t. I have some monthly arrangement partners I don’t give money to, but I don’t develop feelings for them at all. Ace and Queen are far more important to me. I made offers to two women today as well. What I’m looking for through Universe Club is “meeting a girl I genuinely feel I want to protect.” I suppose that’s my conclusion for today. There are plenty of women I want to be intimate with, but very few I genuinely want to protect. P.S. I forgot to mention this, but I have to say that a no-allowance arrangement means “the worst possible world awaits you.” We papas tend to think of women who are considerate toward us because we give them an allowance as “ideal women,” but women like that don’t exist. I’ve experienced the no-allowance world with several women, and what awaits you there is a living hell filled with raw emotions and selfishness. They have no reason to be considerate of you. After all, money isn’t involved. They can be as selfish as they want.

I’ve experienced both unpaid and paid relationships. However, in my case, when things became unpaid, I started to feel that the other person was using the word “partner” as a way to have sex for free—or as cheaply as possible—so I could no longer enjoy the relationship wholeheartedly. That’s why I feel that a club arrangement suits me better. For me, allowances and gifts aren’t about the money itself; they’re expressions of the other person’s feelings and of how much they value me. That way, I don’t have to deal with any uncomfortable uncertainty, and I can honestly feel, “I enjoy being together,” “I want them to be happy,” and “I want to cherish them.” So I think the feelings you’re experiencing are perfectly natural. For me too, precisely because I like someone, I feel more comfortable seeing a person who shows it not only through their time and feelings, but through their actions as well. There’s no need to force those feelings into the framework of romance or possessiveness. I think it would be best to nurture them while maintaining a comfortable distance for both you and the other person.

You seem to be thinking only about yourself. Even if you ignore the woman’s financial circumstances and focus solely on how you feel, I don’t think that kind of self-centered approach will work out. Why not try thinking about her perspective as well? After all, a relationship only exists when there’s another person involved.

I think you’re probably being skillfully “rolled,” “handled,” or “played” by that papa-katsu woman. I’m not necessarily saying that in a bad way. If anything, it’s one of the positive aspects of papa-katsu, and she sounds like a very capable papa-katsu woman. We do pay money, but you could also say that it’s an arrangement where we’re asking to be given only the pleasant parts of dating between men and women. So, compared with an ordinary relationship where no money is involved, women hide at least some of the things they would want to say to a man or the attitudes they would want to show him. That’s why it feels so comfortable, and because it feels good, we start to feel that we want to “cherish” them. But wanting to cherish someone really means wanting to enjoy that pleasant feeling even more—it’s actually quite self-serving, and similar to the urge to spend money on your favorite idol or celebrity. Not feeling like you want to “have her all to yourself” or “be the only one she looks at” is, in its own way, a proper attitude for a papa, since it means you aren’t causing her trouble. But I think part of it may simply be that you gave up on those things from the start. It’s the same reason why few fans develop those kinds of feelings toward their favorite idol. I realize this may put a damper on what was otherwise a nice story, but at our core, we papas are extremely self-centered. Well, women are more or less the same, and all human behavior is self-serving to some extent. Still, I think it’s especially important in this kind of arrangement to take a clear-eyed look at your own feelings and examine them. Here’s another thought for you. Looking back at my own experience—though this may just be a quirk of my personality—I do sometimes find myself feeling that I dislike someone, but I rarely feel that I like someone. Could it be that “liking” doesn’t actually exist, and that there are simply varying degrees of “dislike”? Maybe it’s just a question of whether you use a system of deducting points or adding them. What do you think of this antithesis? If you’re going to say, “Since both liking and disliking are emotions, if one doesn’t exist, doesn’t that mean the other doesn’t either?” then perhaps you could replace “dislike” with “wariness.” Or maybe “a sense of distance” would be more accurate. The ultimate form of “liking” is identifying someone with yourself—valuing them as much as your own body. I’ve actually thought, “If a truck came barreling toward us right now and this girl were about to be hit, I’d probably sacrifice myself to save her.” That goes beyond identifying someone with yourself, haha. Though part of it is probably that I’ve already lived long enough. What about you? Could you feel the same way toward that papa-katsu woman? If not, there’s still a lot more depth to explore, so keep letting her play you and enjoy it.

The situation probably differs quite a bit depending on whether the man is single or married, but speaking on the assumption that he’s married, I do develop feelings for her—but not romantic feelings in the usual sense. It’s more like wanting to cherish her and hoping she’ll be happy. Since it’s generally understood that she has other men in her life—whether another papa, a boyfriend, or a husband—even if their existence becomes apparent, I don’t particularly feel jealous. In that sense, it isn’t romantic love. Still, if you’re able to continue seeing a woman for more than three years, I think you must genuinely like her in some way. I enjoy the time we spend together and feel happy, and she seems to enjoy it too. I’ve also supported her in various ways beyond the allowance, helping her achieve both her dreams and more practical forms of happiness. Lately, perhaps because I’ve stepped away from the front lines of running my business, I feel like my brain produces fewer of those chemicals, and I no longer get so swept up in a woman or emotionally invested to that degree. It feels a little lonely, though. Maybe part of the reason is simply that I haven’t met many women lately who can pull me that deeply into the relationship.

The biggest difference compared with romance or marriage is that romantic and loving relationships have a period when those feelings reach their absolute peak. Even if the relationship lasts forever, it eventually changes into something different from that peak—trust and the bond of a family. As you wrote, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is based on: > financial support Because of that, there is always a certain restraint, keeping things in a controlled state. Also, women don’t begin these relationships simply because they’ve fallen in love. So, as long as things proceed normally, there is no peak like the one you experience in romance. However, because the allowance continues to exist without changing, there will probably come a time when you realize that, unlike romantic feelings that eventually cool, your affection has continued to grow little by little. The allowance is something men give and women naturally receive, but through the accumulated years and number of meetings, its effect can continue without end. The more often they meet—hundreds of times, over many years—the woman may also be gradually led toward feelings of affection that become impossible to restrain. In fact, unless both the man and woman reach that point, it would be difficult for the relationship to develop into something lasting, almost eternal. Mr. Makeo, Whether there is an allowance or not, > “Raw emotions and selfishness run rampant” —that is the essence of women. You have to enjoy that… Eventually, women will properly realize that they are being toyed with, manipulated, and kept… There’s a reason the word “hysterical” is associated with women… P.S. I hope that one day, Yozakura-san, you’ll meet a papa (a male supporter) whose relationship with you goes beyond that of a lover or even a father. Whether temporary or long-term, I believe that clubs, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and encounters between people can create relationships that go beyond those between lovers or even spouses. It’s difficult to build that kind of relationship while hiding behind a shell, though that may also come down to compatibility. Some people may want that, while others may not—it varies from person to person. For both men and women, being able to move on from one offer to the next can be a good or bad thing. Perhaps more often than not, things end without either person ever getting to know the other beyond the surface. If papa-katsu itself is, as the words suggest, something resembling an ideal father-daughter relationship, then perhaps a man’s real daughter represents what women are truly like. Someone like Domi-sama behaves almost exactly like a daughter, but papa-katsu puts a thin layer of wrapping around it, so to speak. After all, women don’t reveal as much of their true nature as they would with a wife… Yozakura-san, When I first joined, I completely underestimated both clubs and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) too… I assumed that sex involving money could never compare with genuine sex with a lover, and that relationships resembling those between best friends, family members, or lovers—or anything beyond that—could never exist… But, but… As you can see from how several of us respondents recently met and how our relationships deepened afterward, there is an incredible hidden world out there. I don’t think it’s possible to build a relationship in the outside world, starting with a first meeting, where you can get to the other person’s true feelings so quickly. I feel that there is an amazing world made possible by the presence of an allowance. Like the women I’ve recently made offers to, there have been several club women who met me again the day after our first date and then continued meeting me almost every day for several days. The reason they can also come to want to see me every day is that an allowance forms the foundation. When compatibility that makes you want to meet every day is supported by an allowance, you’re able to recognize it. The allowance doesn’t cool off like love can; it continues to connect the two people.

I believe you should date someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. To me, caring about the person I’m seeing is only natural. All the feelings you mentioned sound perfectly normal—they don’t go beyond the usual boundaries of an allowance-based relationship.

Once you’ve settled on where that “like” belongs, does it stay there permanently? I don’t think sorting out or categorizing your feelings is all that meaningful, so it’s probably best to just go with how you feel at the time.

As you already understand, you simply need to set your own boundaries. Other people can’t do that for you. If you tend to get emotionally attached, seeing lots of girls will help prevent you from becoming fixated on any one person. On the other hand, if you can completely control your emotions, there’s nothing wrong with seeing just one person. Above all, never forget that you met through a dating club. If you stay active in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you’ll be having so much fun you won’t even have time to fall in love. Hope this helps.

I try not to expect anything in return from them. I, Fuu, make a point of respecting and valuing all my monthly partners as people. I observe them, confirm what they want, and try to maintain the relationship accordingly. I’m similar to you in that I don’t feel the need to put it into words. I just follow my feelings. I genuinely like all my monthly partners as people. That said, I make sure not to focus too much on one person, develop romantic feelings, expect anything in return, or become possessive. I date multiple people as a way of keeping myself in check ^⁠_⁠^ After all, this is papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), involving money, so I try not to get the wrong idea. What I keep in mind is to make things as comfortable as possible for both of us, and when it’s time to part ways, to do so cleanly without any trouble. No falling seriously in love, though lol.