He said he’d like to send me some local specialties and asked me to give him my address. However, I’ve read posts here saying that no matter how close you become, you never know how things might turn out in the future, so it’s better not to share your real name or address.
I’m worried he might take it badly if I refuse, though. Would he be offended if I asked him to send it anonymously instead?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Although it says anonymous shipping, even if you have it sent to a convenience store or held at a delivery center, you still have to provide your real name and phone number, so your personal information will be exposed.
He’s a man you met through Univa since he’s a Univa member, right? How about saying something like:
“I’m really happy you feel that way! But I’m sorry—I have a policy of protecting my personal information. If you don’t mind, since we had such a nice connection through Univa, could you send the gift to the branch office? I’d also appreciate it if you could tell them my club name and mention that we’re on good terms!”
If he replies, “I’ll send one to the branch, but I want to send one to you personally,” you could say, “Please send mine to the Univa branch office too. I’ll go pick it up!”
They might even offer to take new photos of you while you’re there, haha.
Mentioning Univa could also put a reasonable amount of pressure on him, like saying, “If you do anything resembling stalking, I’ll report it.”
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You’re only likely to upset him after turning him down about three times.
If he keeps asking even after you’ve refused three times, he probably either thinks you’re supposed to tell him or has a very entitled attitude—the kind of person who thinks, “I’m the one paying, aren’t I?”
Someone like that will probably either become upset afterward or end the relationship.
If you want to avoid that, your only option may be to tell him while being prepared for possible trouble later. If you’re worried about problems, the basic rule is never to tell him.
If that leads to the relationship ending, it’s better to accept it as avoiding trouble in the future.
As for staying anonymous, I think his main purpose is to find out your address, so he probably won’t be satisfied with anonymous shipping.
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If they’re going out of their way to ask, they probably want you to tell them, so refusing may offend them.
Everyone has their own opinion on whether or not to share that kind of information. Saying, “You never know what might happen in the future, no matter how close you become, so it’s better not to share your real name or address,” is simply that respondent’s personal view.
Personally, I don’t go around asking my partners for their names or addresses, but I know the real names and dates of birth of all of them, and I know the addresses of about half. Quite a few women ask for my real name when we have our first meal together, and some even ask to exchange business cards.
As the relationship continues, I’m sometimes invited to their homes, and I’ve even been given spare keys.
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If it’s a local specialty, it would probably be best for her to bring it and give it to him when they meet. It doesn’t seem like something a man would need to go out of his way to ask about.
The only real opportunity to learn her address would be when helping her look for a new place by visiting real estate agencies together. Even then, there’s no need for the man to see or know the address.
The only time an address might be needed is if, during a family trip, he finds something she likes and asks whether he should send it to her. In that case, she’ll simply send him her address and he can mail it to her.
In any event, there’s absolutely no need for the man to ask. She would only share it herself if she wanted him to send her something.
I think her real name, address, and workplace are things she should share only when she wants to. The man doesn’t even need to remember them just because he’s been told.
Also, if the relationship is more about dating than the allowance, I think it’s fine to share those details when necessary rather than hiding them.
If it’s essentially a normal pseudo-dating relationship, it seems perfectly natural for a woman with a proper day job, such as an office receptionist, to want him to visit her workplace. And if she lives alone, it also seems natural for him to come into her home or even be given a spare key.
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If it were me, I’d probably say:
“Thank you 😊
If by local specialty you mean food, I can’t think of anything in particular right now that I’d really like to try. Would it be okay if I asked you myself someday, when I do think of something? 🥺”
Your real name and address are personal information that can’t be changed once shared. So rather than assuming you can’t trust him, I think it’s perfectly fine to simply say that you don’t feel the need to share them at this point, and that you’ll ask when the need arises.
If he says, “I really want to send you something,” I would reply:
“I’ve heard various stories in the past, so I generally try not to share personal information like my real name or address 🙏
I’m sorry, especially since you were kind enough to offer 💦
If there’s ever an opportunity for you to give it to me directly, I’d be happy to accept it then.”
Even after that, if he continues to imply that giving him your address is a prerequisite, it might be worth taking a step back and reconsidering whether you want to continue seeing him.
Please prioritize the level of distance that makes you feel safe and comfortable.
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That papa sounds incredibly creepy...
I readily share my own personal information with women, including my address, but I never ask for a woman’s personal information unless she chooses to tell me herself.
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You could simply say, “As a general policy, I share personal information once we’ve been seeing each other for three years.”
If it’s been more than three years, you probably know the other person fairly well by then, so you can decide whether to tell them based on how much of a risk they seem to pose.
Personally, I generally don’t ask for private information. That said, I don’t think I’ve ever been in an arrangement lasting more than three years without eventually learning at least some personal details. It’s more a matter of finding out naturally when the opportunity arises.
Some women don’t hide anything at all. I’ve even met women who registered under their real names and had tons of search results come up. I do wonder if they’re really okay with that, but I suppose everyone’s different.
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You could say something like:
“I’d really appreciate the local specialties. But I’ve had a frightening experience before when a man found out my address through school or work, so I don’t give it out anymore. I’m sorry.”
At that point, he’ll either find another way to send them or give up.
If you don’t say anything, it’s essentially the same as turning him down, so it’s better to express your gratitude while clearly saying that you don’t want to share what you’re uncomfortable sharing.
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That’s really a matter of following your own policy.
I don’t want to share my personal information either, so arrangements are more sustainable when both people feel the same way. But if someone feels they can’t become close without knowing personal details, they’re probably better off dating someone who shares that preference.
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This is Fullerene!
I think it’s safer not to accept anything if it has to be sent anonymously.
Right now, I think what you’re most worried about is upsetting your papa (a male supporter).
“Please send it anonymously.”
“Just the thought is enough.”
Which one is more likely to upset him?
Well, once you’ve been seeing someone for a while, you can usually get a sense of whether it’s safe for both of you to open up and share various things.
Even with women, if you meet a few times and start thinking, “Wait, could she be trouble?” they may start becoming stalker-like. So I suppose it can go both ways.
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If a papa (a male supporter) gets offended and keeps pressing you after you tell him you can’t share your address, he’s probably more likely to do something strange.
I think it’s best to tell him you can’t give him your address, even if you’re prepared to end things.
What would you do if he became a stalker after you ended the relationship and showed up at your home?
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