There’s a man I met here whom I’ve been seeing for 10 years, and I’m struggling with whether I should end things.
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At first, we met for the allowance amount we had agreed on, but partway through, he stopped paying. Whenever I asked him to pay, he would hit things and become violent. I continued seeing him because I was afraid of him.
But I’m emotionally exhausted, and he started demanding dates lasting around 12 hours a day. I now feel that I want to end things completely.
However, he knows my parents’ address as well as where I currently live, so I’m worried that if I end things the wrong way, something frightening might happen again.
I also recently got married and would like to tell him, but I work as a livestreamer and I’m afraid he might expose me, so I haven’t been able to say anything.
I’ve also developed a women’s health condition, and after I told him about it, he apparently assumed we wouldn’t be able to have sex and abruptly stopped contacting me. Still, I can’t say that we’ve completely broken things off.
Do you think it would be better to let things slowly fade out, or should I clearly tell him that it’s over?
I wasn’t sure whom to ask, so I decided to post here. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Since the other respondents have already answered the question, Fuu is reading this:
To all the women doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), here are a few precautions to keep in mind.
Above all, never share your personal information:
- Your real name
- Your home address or your family home’s address
- Your workplace or company name
Unless you’ve been seeing a papa (a male supporter) for several years and trust him completely—or he’s a very generous (well-paying) papa you absolutely don’t want to lose—be extremely careful about sharing any information.
It’s true that Universe Club is safer than other papa-katsu formats, but don’t forget that you’re responsible for protecting yourself. Minimize the risks so that the questioner doesn’t end up in a stalker-like situation.
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This is Fullerene!
That must have been scary… or I guess it’s still ongoing.
Since he stopped contacting you because of a condition specific to him, it means that appeal is working. You might want to get at least a medical certificate for your own protection in the future.
The fact that he hasn’t contacted you could mean he’s directing his attention toward another woman. Hopefully he’ll just forget about you, but he may reach out again when things stop working out with someone else. Who knows when that might be, but after six months or so, it may be okay to ignore him for a while.
In any case, from that papa’s perspective, it may simply mean that he’s lost one girl he could conveniently use. For now, try to stay calm and get on with your life.
Also, if the initial allowance was considerably higher than the going rate, I feel like papas are more likely to turn into monsters because they want to get their money’s worth. So you may want to be careful. If he’s genuinely wealthy, that’s one thing, but men who only have a moderate amount of money may be more likely to become monsters.
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Once the allowance stopped partway through, I think it would have been best to refuse to meet by claiming you were ill—even if it was just an excuse.
If he became violent, pressured you to continue the relationship, or physically assaulted you, consulting the police would be the next step.
I often hear from women who have experienced domestic violence, and there seems to be a kind of codependent dynamic involved as well.
In many cases, things don’t get resolved unless a third party, such as the police, takes an objective look at the situation.
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I think it’s best to let things gradually fade out as they are. If he reaches out after a while, you can clearly tell him then that you want to end things.
Now that he’s stopped contacting you, I don’t think you need to reach out yourself. Even if he does contact you again after some time, he’ll probably start with something casual like, “Long time no see.” In that case, I think it’s perfectly fine not to reply.
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If he’s stopped contacting you, I think it’s best to leave things alone and hope he doesn’t remember you.
But if you’re in your twenties now and this lasted ten years, does that mean you’ve been seeing him since you were a teenager?
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I developed endometriosis and am undergoing treatment, but it’s not getting any better at all. I’m sorry. Just keep saying that. They’ll eventually disappear.
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For now, I think it’s best to slowly fade out, and if he contacts you, tell him you want to end things. If he starts sending pushy messages or gets angry and shows up at your home, consult the Community Safety Division at your local police station. That should usually settle things.
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