I’m struggling with my relationship with my papa (a male supporter).
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He’s extremely jealous and controlling. He messages me every day, and if we don’t see each other every week, he gets sulky and suspects I’m seeing another man. If I can’t reply to his LINE messages, he unsends them. Even when I genuinely felt sick and had to cancel at the last minute, he came to my home.
He rented an apartment for me, so he knows where I live.
I could accept all this if his allowance alone were enough to support me, but I still need to work, and I can’t manage without other papas as well.
He’s also been trying to make me quit my current job, and we’re in the process of starting a company together so we can go into business as a pair.
The other day, I told him I could meet on a certain date, but then a shift came up at my regular job. When I told him, he got suspicious and sent me a long LINE message telling me to reconsider my priorities.
The day before, he had said it was fine to prioritize my regular job since I’m still working, but the next day he started saying that things didn’t add up after he thought about it.
We argued recently, and I ran out of the house crying. He brought me back, though.
If it’s going to be this painful, I’m considering ending things, but I can’t bring myself to make that decision.
Have you ever felt like papa-katsu was making you mentally unwell? How do you cope with it?
I have no one I can talk to, and I can’t quit because I need the money, so I’m really struggling.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
> Being jealous and overly possessive
can also be a reflection of insecurity, I think.
As someone who’s far too confident, that’s something I could never imagine doing. My mindset is that all that matters is being chosen, so I never try to control someone.
Do you and the man in question perhaps share similar traits?
It sounds like the two of you may have a good relationship—one where your hearts subtly brush against each other, where you don’t fully understand each other but wander together and stimulate one another, eventually settling into something that works.
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I strongly agree with Mac’s opinion.
She’s starting to come across as someone who just wants attention. Or maybe she’s come here to have the kind of chat you’d normally have with a girls’ night group.
I see.
So this is how you analyze it.
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Well, you’ve already convinced yourself that you can’t break up with them on your own.
But since you’re the only one who can make that decision, you probably should have ended it earlier—before renting a place or starting a company, when you already knew how jealous they were.
At this point, it doesn’t seem like you have any option other than preparing yourself and ending things, though…
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I think Mac is right in his answer.
I’ve always felt that way.
If you want to masturbate while being emotionally coddled, you should ask AI.
追加 after reading Yozakura’s answer:
After looking at this person’s other questions, I didn’t get that impression.
追加 2 after reading Yozakura’s answer:
It is consistent, but it seems like they’ve had the same problem since February and have gradually been fanning the flames.
> “It still ends up looking like a survey to me… Why is that?”
Maybe it’s because I’m fed up with it, whereas Yozakura isn’t.
Even if it were a survey, as Mac said, it isn’t really a “question” seeking ideas for any concrete solution.
Whether or not other people are on the verge of breaking down has nothing to do with what the questioner is asking.
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Since you’re in your 30s, and he’s rented a place for you and even started a company with you, this seems to have gone beyond papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and is becoming more like being a mistress—or simply a long-standing, complicated relationship.
You say that “P-katsu is making me depressed,” but it doesn’t really sound like you’re asking for opinions aimed at an essential solution, such as breaking up. It seems more like you just want someone to listen to your dissatisfaction about this relationship.
I suspect that if one of the people here answered, “Just break up with a man like that already,” you’d probably feel, “That’s not the kind of answer I’m looking for.” You simply want someone to empathize with you and listen to you vent, right?
It would probably be enough if you had a friend you could talk to. Unfortunately, we answerers don’t know you well enough to do that. When the question box is used in a way that basically asks us to just empathize with you despite that lack of relationship, it does cause a little stress for those of us answering. That’s because we read your question while making the effort to think rationally, “How can this situation be resolved?”
So the most appropriate answer would probably be: “Your ‘question’ is just a complaint, not a question seeking ideas for any specific solution. Please recognize that first.”
I’m not blaming you. I’m simply saying that it’s becoming apparent that no matter what anyone here says, you probably aren’t going to change. It’s your life, so you should think for yourself about what to do and then live it however you choose.
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The fact that your papa (a male supporter) rents an apartment for you is the root of all your problems and what’s keeping you tied to him.
Yet on top of that, you’re trying to start a company together. You say it’s painful, but it honestly just seems like you’re accepting his control.
If you’re truly serious about creating some distance, you should start by saving your allowance and moving out of the apartment he rents for you.
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If his allowance alone is enough to live on, I put up with it.
If he’s not paying me that much, I tell him, “You’re an old man—don’t be so possessive. You’re creepy,” and end things.
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> Since he’s paying for your rental, he already knows where you live.
That seems like the biggest issue here.
If you need multiple papas, I think some men may start thinking, “I’m paying for her apartment, yet she’s meeting other papas?”—especially if they know where you live.
I’m sure having your rent covered helps a lot, but considering the stress you’re under, I think it would be best to find a new place without letting him know where it is, move without telling him, and completely vacate your current place first. Then you could tell him, “I’ve moved, so you don’t need to cover my rent anymore, but I’d like to continue seeing you if you’re okay with that.”
He may say that he can’t cancel the lease immediately, but I think it’s fine to simply say, “I’m sorry.” As for why you moved, you could give some general reason, such as wanting to become independent or your parents saying they would start stopping by more often.
Even if he stops paying your rent, he may still be quite controlling if you continue seeing him. But if he doesn’t know where you live, I think it would still be much easier on you mentally.
Also, if things become completely unbearable and you decide to end things with him, I think it would be a good idea to start looking for a new papa as well.
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