I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We’re both single, and I assume we’ve both had our share of past relationships.
We had sex for the first time about six months ago, and since we don’t get to see each other that often, we’ve only had sex around five times so far.
I’ve given him oral sex every time since our first time, but around the third time, he started holding the back of my head. At first, it was more like he would occasionally touch my head and gently press down, so I wasn’t entirely sure. It was the first time he had done that, and it didn’t seem like him at all—he’s usually gentle and sincere—so I was quite surprised and hurt. After I got home, I searched online about it nonstop.
At the time, I thought I might stop giving him oral sex next time. But I started to wonder whether men’s hands just move on their own when it feels especially good, and I was gradually able to make peace with it. So I gave him oral sex again the last time we had sex, but this time he clearly held my head down.
He doesn’t keep holding me the entire time; he just occasionally puts his hand on my head and presses down. But when he does, I have to move faster, which is a little tiring.
What are men usually feeling when they hold a woman’s head like that?
I’d also prefer to be able to move at my own pace, so I’d really appreciate any advice on how I should handle this with him going forward.
At the same time, I feel like a submissive side of me may be starting to emerge, and I’m no longer sure which direction to take—whether to just go along with it or say something to him.
I didn’t quite understand the point that you have to move faster when you’re being held down. If you want someone to move faster, wouldn’t you guide their head?
It seems like holding someone’s head down is more about wanting them to go deeper. Maybe your previous partner was willing to take you all the way to her throat.
The same goes for your current partner, but I think you should simply talk to them. It would be more productive to discuss it with them than to ask complete strangers here.
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I love questions about sex—thanks!
Very modern, huh? So you’ve only had sex five times in a year.
He’s young, so I wonder if your boyfriend doesn’t get turned on.
Since you’re dating, why not ask him? Something like, “Does it feel better when you hold my head down?” Maybe bring it up during pillow talk afterward.
If he did it the first time and you didn’t refuse or show any signs that you disliked it, he probably assumed it was okay, so it became the default from then on.
If your boyfriend does it every time, it’s probably one of his kinks. He may well enjoy holding your head during oral sex and find it arousing—I don’t know, though.
If you don’t dislike it and want to continue dating him, why not just let him keep doing it? He’s only holding your head down, right? It’s not like he’s forcing himself deep into your throat (imalaatio). If it doesn’t hurt and you can keep going, everyone has different preferences.
Fuu says that P-katsu women get turned on when their necks are squeezed, so I’m thinking of asking them to teach me how to do it. Apparently you should apply quite a bit of pressure—maybe because they’re usually treated gently—so I might even ask how much force to use when they’re really about to climax, haha ^_^
If I get the chance, I’ll let you know how it went.
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I also couldn’t understand the part about “having to move faster when he’s holding me down.”
Since it’s only natural that it would be harder to move when you’re being held down, maybe your boyfriend is actually trying to keep your head from moving. That could be why he’s holding you in place.
When he holds you down, you could try keeping your head still while sucking, moving the hand you have placed there, or using your tongue. But perhaps what he really wants is for you to take it all the way in without moving at all.
Still, I think the best thing is to ask him directly. If you’ve already been intimate several times, it wouldn’t be strange at all to ask.
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First, watch an adult video with an irrumatio-style scene and think, “Ah, maybe this is what he’s been influenced by.”
Then draw the line between what you’re comfortable doing, what you might not be able to do, and what you simply don’t want to do.
You could respond within those boundaries.
That said, he may just be enjoying the atmosphere and feeling satisfied with things at that level. So if you’re okay with where the line is now, I don’t think you necessarily need to dig any deeper.
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I sometimes hold her head down right before ejaculating in her mouth.
It’s my way of saying, “I’m about to come, but if you don’t realize it and slow down or pull away, I’ll end up ejaculating halfway. So please speed up and make it feel as good as possible so I can release a lot.”
The only other time I’d hold her head down is during face-sitting oral sex.
I’d like to ask the other respondents: which feels better to you?
1. Oral sex
2. A lubricated handjob while being kissed
I’ve recently gotten really into option 2.
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Like Kazu, I’m not really sure what “you have to move quickly when your head is being held down” means either. Do you mean, “It’s hard because I’m expected to move quickly while he’s holding my head down”?
There’s an act called irrumatio, which is similar to fellatio, where the woman’s head is held against a wall and the man thrusts forcefully toward the back of her throat. Fellatio is more woman-led, whereas irrumatio is more man-led. Maybe your boyfriend is the type who gradually shifts from fellatio into irrumatio.
Or perhaps you’re simply not taking him deeply enough, and he wants you to take him all the way to the base. It’s the same psychology as wanting to penetrate as deeply as possible during vaginal sex.
If you feel like your submissive side is starting to come out and you’re “going along with it,” then I think it’s fine to keep going. If you can’t accept it and don’t like it, tell him.
I don’t think it’s particularly abnormal, or the kind of thing that will inevitably escalate if left alone.
Actually, next time you give him fellatio, try taking him as deeply as you can from the start. If he doesn’t hold your head down, then it was probably just an issue of depth. If he still does, he may have a sadistic side and simply enjoy irrumatio.
As for the ranking of fellatio, handjobs, and kissing, mine would be fellatio > handjobs > kissing.
Kissing while giving a handjob is such a waste. If your mouth is free, I’d rather you give me fellatio while using your hand.
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