I’d like some advice on suggesting a date plan as a woman.
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How is it generally perceived when the woman is the one to suggest the date plan?
There’s a show I’d like to attend with my papa (a male supporter), but the tickets are quite expensive—around ¥20,000 depending on the seats—so I’m unsure whether it would be okay for me to bring it up myself.
So far, we’ve only gone on dinner + adult relationship (intimate) dates, and I’m worried that suggesting something like this from my side might come across as asking too much.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
It probably depends on the man’s preferences, so I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer.
He’d likely be interested if it were a show that matched his tastes, but if not, he might prefer to pass.
Generally speaking, if you’ve met someone a few times, chatted over meals, and had pillow talk, you should have a pretty good sense of whether it’s something he’d enjoy and whether it would be okay to invite him.
P.S.
There are cases where sharing too many of the same interests can actually be a problem. If his tastes match yours exactly, he may have lots of hobby friends at the show, which could make it awkward for him to know how to act.
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After meeting a few times, you can probably get a general sense of whether the other person is only interested in sex.
If that’s all they want, they likely won’t be interested in doing much besides that, even if you make the suggestion, so they’ll probably just ignore it. But since they do want sex, they may simply let it slide and continue meeting you as usual afterward.
If he wants sex but is also interested in spending time together in other ways, he’ll probably appreciate the suggestion. That said, everyone has different tastes, so it may not happen if he doesn’t think the show sounds interesting. And if you ask him to pay for something he isn’t interested in, he might feel like you’re hinting for a gift.
So, even though it’s not quite the original idea, it might be better to say something like, “I’ll pay for the tickets, so would you like to go with me?”
Of course, he may say, “I’ll pay for the tickets,” but some people might not. Still, doing it this way could encourage him to buy the tickets next time, so I think it’s fine to treat the first one as an initial investment.
Also, this exchange should give you a better idea of what kind of person he is, which may make it easier to decide how you want to continue seeing him.
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① What kind of performance is it?
② Why do you want to go with your papa?
I think the answer depends on those two things.
For example, if it’s a classical concert and you simply want to enjoy it together rather than going alone, your papa may be more receptive. But if it’s a performance by your favorite idol and you want your papa to pay for the tickets—or you’re thinking of adding it to a date so you can kill two birds with one stone—he might get annoyed and think, “Is this person taking me for a fool?”
As for your question about whether it might feel like too much, I don’t think it’s particularly burdensome. Why not start by asking your papa, “There’s this performance I’d like to go to. Would you be interested?” You wouldn’t invite a friend to a performance they don’t seem interested in just because you want to go, right? The same basic consideration applies when dealing with other people.
As for the ticket price and the allowance for the date, ask about them separately in advance and phrase it politely. You could also work out the wording with ChatGPT.
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How would you feel if your papa said:
“I got tickets to a pro wrestling match, so let’s go on a date!” lol ^_^
If you like pro wrestling, you might be happy, but…
What I wanted to say is that it depends on the person.
If you got excited during pillow talk, for example, saying, “We should go see a Shiki Theatre Company show sometime,” then it could work. But I think the papa’s feelings—and both of your feelings—are important.
By the way, I’ve told one of my monthly partners that I’d like to go see a Shiki Theatre Company show together, but we still haven’t gone yet…↓
You have to think about various things, too.
The woman might wonder, “The date will be longer, but will I get extra allowance?”
The man might think, “I’m already paying for two expensive tickets, so the allowance can stay the same, right?”
You really need to work out all those details together.
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I’d be 120% happy to receive date suggestions like the one from the questioner.
I’d love to be taken into a world I don’t know, and it would be a learning experience for me. I’m sure I could even apply it to my business.
The woman I entered a monthly arrangement with this year always suggests fun things to do for our dates.
It does cost money, but I welcome it because it’s always fresh and gives my brain a stimulating change of pace.
If I had to name one exception, I might hesitate if the invitation came from a woman who wasn’t enjoyable to be around at all unless sex was involved.
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To be frank, here’s my impression.
Based on the way this question is worded, it doesn’t sound like she’s suggesting a date plan—it just sounds like she wants him to pay for the tickets.
I regularly go on dates with women in all kinds of places. So if you want to try dates that don’t involve just going out to eat, why not first discuss what kind of date would work with the man?
Why jump straight to a show with such expensive tickets?
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I think people are pretty evenly split on this.
Personally, if I got a message like that, I’d start fading out. So I think it’s better to feel things out when you’re actually together. If your papa is the type who enjoys going out or traveling together, he might actually be happy about it.
Personally, I’d rather have her plead for at least the cost of the ticket. I really wouldn’t want to go together.
Hope that helps.
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I always find Mr. Maezawa’s answers very helpful.
If a woman told me she had arranged the tickets, I’d take back what I said earlier and absolutely want to go with her. Afterward, I’d probably quietly give her some money and say thank you.
So I guess the answer really does change depending on how the other person leads you.
Even when we think we’re keeping things transactional, it’s hard to remain completely detached in a relationship between a man and a woman. It’s an advance investment that gently appeals to the part of us that longs for love, even though we know it isn’t true love.
I always end up playing the kindhearted fool, making unnecessary advance investments and encouraging women to take advantage of my generosity. Their demands gradually grow beyond what I can support, and I’ve had many breakups as a hopeless guy. Still, I’ll keep learning from everyone’s answers and do my best until I become more experienced.
Sorry for going off topic, questioner.
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Being invited by a woman is certainly a sign of an intimate relationship, and I’m very happy about that. However, given our age difference, I may feel uncomfortable doing things together because I worry about how it looks to those around us.
If possible, I’d actually be happier if you used your usual allowance to enjoy yourself with your family or friends, and then shared the stories with me afterward.
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What kind of performance is it? Since you’d like to go together, I assume it isn’t a concert by your favorite idol, but…
I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing each other either, but if you’ve been together for a reasonable amount of time, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with suggesting it.
For example, good seats for a kabuki performance can cost more than the amount you’re concerned about, but if your papa (a male supporter) is interested too, I’m sure he’d be happy to arrange the tickets. That’s exactly what I would do myself（笑）
Personally, I’d be happier if someone asked me for an experience like that rather than a specific gift.
It sounds like you haven’t really found out what your papa is interested in yet, so casually try to bring it up. Once you’re confident that it’s something he’d enjoy, you can discuss the details—and that should work out fine.
Even if he doesn’t seem particularly interested, it’s a wonderful performance, so if you explain that you’d like to experience it together rather than going alone, I don’t think he’d react negatively.
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If the papa happens to mention in conversation that he enjoys that kind of performance, I don’t see any particular problem with it. Otherwise, I might find it a little off-putting.
In my case, it wasn’t a date, but a former actress I was seeing for a long time once asked me to come watch her perform in a play, so I did.
On another occasion, I took someone else to a classical concert. Since it was a Japanese orchestra, she said she’d like to see a foreign orchestra sometime. We stopped speaking soon afterward—she broke things off—so that never happened.
I’ve also accompanied someone shopping for a party dress after she asked me to help her buy one for a friend’s wedding reception. I would occasionally buy her clothes for her birthday and things like that, so it was just an extension of that.
These days, it’s basically a matter of having a nice meal and then going to a hotel.
I don’t really feel much desire to enjoy other kinds of activities with women anymore, so I might actually be happy if someone suggested a date plan.
I’m over 60 and have stepped away from the front lines of management, so I suppose the amount of adrenaline my brain produces has decreased.
If you want someone to do things for you or buy things for you, you’d probably be better off looking for an energetic, go-getting man who’s still running a business and has his brain chemicals flowing at full speed.
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I think women should feel free to suggest date plans themselves. If it’s a show or performance, that sounds like a great idea.
If a papa (a male supporter) isn’t comfortable with that kind of thing, he’ll simply say so, so there shouldn’t be any problem.
Whether you’re going to a movie, theme park, meal, golf, shopping, or taking a trip, each option comes with its own expenses, so tickets to a performance are essentially the same.
Also, it’s often easier to go when the woman makes the suggestion. If it comes from the man, she may worry that you’re only agreeing reluctantly.
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