I’ve ended up genuinely falling for a woman I met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I’d like some advice.
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It’ll soon be a year since we met. We’ve been in touch every day from the beginning, and she always replies immediately. She regularly sends me photos and updates about what she’s doing every few hours.
Apparently, she doesn’t meet anyone else and insists that I’m the only person she sees. Her parents own a company, and she says she plans to quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), work there, and become financially independent for my sake.
Is there any chance this could develop into a romantic relationship?
Instant replies, sending you photos every few hours without fail, telling you “you’re the only one”…
Isn’t that basically being completely hooked on papa-katsu? Would someone do that in a romantic relationship? We’re not high schoolers anymore.
To me, love is more about feelings than words or actions.
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This question sounds fake and is full of holes.
It’s entertaining, though, so I’ll answer.
I’ve never met a papa-katsu girl who was so annoying that she contacted me every day.
If her parents run a business, she’d probably get plenty of money and spending cash without doing papa-katsu anyway.
Since you both seem to want to be exclusive with just one person and have such strong ideas about fidelity, you should probably get married.
If you installed GPS on each other’s phones and monitored each other, you’d probably both be satisfied, haha. Creepy!
Or so I assume, haha.
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Are you seriously in love with her? I’ve never done papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I’m not sure how much help my answer will be, but I think it’s over once the other person starts thinking you’re a pain in the neck in any sense of the word.
Also, I honestly can’t imagine the two of you dating without an allowance when you met through papa-katsu, but if you’re single, go ahead and give it a shot.
If you’re in touch every day, don’t ask about it here—take action and see how things go!
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When the money runs out, so does the relationship.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is basically like slapping a woman across the face with a wad of cash.
Why not first send her, “I’m not going to pay you an allowance anymore, so… take care!!” and see how she reacts?
If you realize that was a mistake, unsend it and reply, “Sorry, that was a mistake. I guess this really is difficult after all. I’ll gladly keep paying you an allowance without limit,” then return things to how they were.
Or you could reply, “You greedy money-grubber!!” and end things there.
Give it some thought.
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Something crossed my mind. You won’t know unless you test it, so if I get the chance, I’ll give it a try.
What got me thinking was this: in a certain community I was banned from, one respondent made the outrageous—or perhaps brilliant, perhaps nonsensical—remark, “Pussy is free.” So, when trying to determine whether someone is genuinely in love, what do you think of changing the allowance terms as follows?
① Pay an amount equivalent to the adult-relationship allowance for a dinner date
② No allowance for an adult relationship
- If she clearly starts coming to see me more often for adult meetings only, consider it proof that she’s genuinely in love.
- If she continues to include a dinner date every time, rule out genuine romantic feelings.
Even with the unusually high number of first meetings I’ve had, an opportunity to test this might come only once every three years, so it’s probably just a theoretical idea—but I’ll try it next time.
*Suddenly asking, “Would it be okay if there were no allowance from next time on?” would make things awkward for both of us, which is why I came up with the plan above.*
Update: I recommend putting women first in every possible way, though. I wrote “in every possible way,” but to me, putting women first is as natural as breathing. Come to think of it, one of my friends apparently published a column.
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This is Fullerene!
Does love mean there’s no exchange of money? Staying faithful? Not dating anyone else? There’s no law that says, “This is where love begins” or “Up to here, it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
Even the boundaries between friends and lovers, or family and strangers, haven’t always been clear to me, so in a way, I’m a little envious of you.
Be careful, though—if you don’t properly communicate and agree on what kind of relationship you both want, things can quickly turn into a bad ending!
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If you’re an unmarried man, why not just keep pursuing the relationship?
That said, at some point you’ll need to make it clear that this is no longer papa-katsu—in other words, that it’s not a relationship based on an allowance. In that sense, I think it might be a good idea to suggest living together. The idea would be that you’re giving her living expenses, rather than an allowance.
Whether she can adjust to that or not will determine how things turn out.
Personally, since the relationship started out as one based on an allowance, I feel it would be quite difficult for it to develop into the kind of relationship generally understood to be dating with marriage in mind.
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You can’t read men and women at all—it’s practically impossible!
She might have zero interest, or there might still be a chance…
For now, just ask how she feels—something like, “Do you want to get married?” (It doesn’t have to be those exact words.)
If you’re not close enough to ask about her true feelings, then it’s still going to be difficult. By now, she should have hinted at that kind of thing, either jokingly or in passing…
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All you have to do is message her, “I want you to be my girlfriend, so please see me from now on without an allowance. I’m asking you!” You should definitely give it a try. The odds of success are low, but they aren’t zero.
If you don’t have the courage to do that, stop overthinking it and just be her papa (a male supporter). You’ll be able to keep things peaceful.
**Addendum**
Even if she says yes and you start dating as boyfriend and girlfriend, the relationship will probably be different from what it was in the papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) context. She’ll become more clear-eyed and realistic, and she won’t flatter you or cater to you as much as your girlfriend. That version of her was a persona she had created as a papa-katsu girl.
Taking that into account, I think the style of people like Makeo and Paper Airplane is to start the relationship by adapting as much as possible to what the woman wants, rather than treating her simply as a papa-katsu girl. It’s less about having a woman do papa-katsu and more like doing “papa-katsu-girl-katsu” yourself. I find myself thinking, “You’re paying money for this—what are you doing?” But apparently the women feel comfortable with it, Makeo seems to gain a sense of victory from that, and Paper Airplane seems to get a female friend, someone to provide for, or someone to look after. Woof.
People call it love, but basically it means becoming unable to leave each other. In other words, it’s about how useful and convenient you can make yourself for the other person. Romance isn’t for me. I’m perfectly satisfied paying someone to accommodate my needs.
I get the impression that Flag Maker was aiming for something in between—a mutually supportive friendship—but it didn’t seem to work out very well. Sorry if I’ve got that wrong. I guess you have to put the other person first as thoroughly as Makeo does. Anyway, that’s a world I have nothing to do with.
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I’m not quite sure what you mean.
When you say you want this to develop into a romantic relationship, do you mean you want to get married?
As for whether that’s possible, I don’t think anything is ever completely impossible—but haven’t you asked how they feel?
If you regularly talk about various things, you should be able to tell whether this is a relationship that requires money or one that could continue without it. What do you think?
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It’s not impossible. I know several people who met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), host clubs, or the adult entertainment industry and eventually got married.
That said, all of my female friends who married someone they met that way now live in luxury high-rise condos or mansions, wear designer brands from head to toe, and spend money like there’s no tomorrow. It really makes me feel they got married for the money.
I can’t say whether there’s love involved without asking them, but if you can give a woman that kind of lifestyle, I think the relationship could develop into romance and eventually marriage!
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