I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on relationships through an upscale dating club.
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I know everyone has their own approach, but I feel that to maintain a relationship over the long term, it may be necessary to spend some time deepening the connection—not just meeting for a meal and having an adult relationship (intimate).
For example, going out together, meeting in a different setting than usual, or occasionally meeting in the evening even if we normally see each other during the day. I feel that being able to spend time together in slightly different ways makes a man more likely to think, “I want to see her again” and “I want to treat her well.”
On the other hand, from a woman’s perspective, could that kind of deepening relationship or suggesting different ways to meet feel burdensome or unwelcome?
Is this way of thinking too serious for an upscale dating club? Should I take a more transactional and casual approach? Or have I simply not met someone compatible yet, and are there women out there who share similar values if I keep looking?
I’d like to hear both men’s and women’s opinions on whether it’s important to meet various people and find the type of relationship that suits you.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
People in these arrangements have all kinds of attitudes and expectations, so women who are a good match for you may be in the minority—but I’m sure they’re out there.
My condition for continuing is that the other person has genuine romantic interest in me as a man. In other words, I want to feel at least a little like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. I proudly consider myself one of those relatively rare “delusional papas who dream of romance” (lol).
No matter how beautiful she is, or how well we get along personality-wise or in an adult relationship (intimate), I won’t continue if I can’t feel any affection from her. For example, if she never contacts me outside of our dates, seems eager to leave once the adult relationship is over, or doesn’t seem to want to see me, then that’s the end of it.
I think the chances of a woman developing romantic feelings for her papa (a male supporter) are quite low. I’ve had first meetings with more than 150 women, including through apps, but I’ve only continued seeing three of them. That’s how hard-won these relationships are.
I think you and I have a similar outlook, so let’s both keep at it!
That said, even when you think she genuinely likes you, there are plenty of cases where she’s simply a step ahead and is just acting that way. But if you don’t realize it, maybe you’re happier that way (lol).
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There are plenty of men, like you, who want to gradually deepen the relationship rather than keeping things limited to dinner and an adult relationship (intimate).
So rather than you being too much, you may simply not have met a woman who feels comfortable with that kind of closeness yet.
That said, until you meet someone like that, you’ll need to gradually communicate that this is the kind of relationship you’re comfortable with. At times, you may get a reaction that doesn’t align with what you’re looking for and end up feeling hurt.
But I don’t think that means you’re too intense—it just means your preferred distance was different.
Of course, forcing yourselves to match won’t make things last, so in the end, I think it comes down to whether you can meet someone who feels comfortable with that kind of closeness too.
As long as you have a goal, I believe that if you keep looking without giving up, you’ll gradually get closer to the relationship you ideally want.
I’m rooting for you.
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Even though it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you’re still dealing with another person, and they have their own hopes and preferences. If you basically try to be considerate of their feelings, do you think the relationship is more likely to last?
If you want to make the asker’s wishes come true, I think you should send lots of offers and find women who accept what you’re looking for—women who are comfortable with a somewhat deeper relationship, even within papa-katsu, and who share similar values.
Fuu’s value is that I want to have fun with different types of women. Honestly, it’s hard to find one woman who’s perfect in every way, so I divide the roles among several monthly arrangements—my starting rotation, so to speak. lol
Here’s an example of my rotation. lol
Early 20s: Cool, and prefers meeting directly at her place. Very much a trendy, K-drama-inspired girl. Pretty face, amazing figure, and incredibly tight. No real cuddling, but she seems to like intimacy. She gets very wet, and her breathy sounds are irresistible.
Mid-20s: Her face, body, intimacy, and charm are all great. She has an excellent overall balance, and at home she gives off a girlfriend vibe, but emotionally she keeps a clear boundary and doesn’t let me get too close—very much a professional papa-katsu girl. Apparently her ex was very passive, so she seems happy about Fuu going for a second round. Is that just lip service? lol
Early 30s: Maybe it’s just lip service, but she says her physical compatibility with Fuu is the best. She’s sexy and amazing, reaches her peak quickly, and it’s fun because she keeps going. We try all kinds of positions.
Late 30s: She’s married, so we only meet during the day while her children are being looked after. Her husband is too passive, so she’s unsatisfied. Even though she’s in her late 30s, she looks like she’s in her 20s—she works hard on maintaining her figure and taking care of her skin. She has the best tightness and really knows how to squeeze. She also has another generous (well-paying) papa, and she’s been doing papa-katsu longer than Fuu, so she knows the ropes, which makes things fun.
And so on.
Besides my starting rotation, I also get to see women who join me occasionally, so I’m having a great time.
It took a huge number of offers, plenty of trial and error, and a lot of searching to build this perfect rotation. So I’d recommend that the asker also send lots of offers and find women they really like.
The one thing I want you to be careful about is getting seriously attached when you let one person get too close. In papa-katsu, falling genuinely in love is strictly forbidden—it will eventually fall apart. I recommend seeing multiple people and spreading out your feelings.
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You may just have to look for someone who shares your values using an approach like those old Vision Megane commercials.
The idea is: if you don’t look, you won’t find the kind of relationship you’re looking for.
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If you feel you need some time to deepen the relationship a little, I think you should simply do that.
If you’re wondering whether that makes you different from other people or might seem strange, relationships through a dating club aren’t the same as the sex industry or compensated dating. So I don’t think it’s strange to want a relationship that includes time together beyond just intimacy.
> Is it possible that this could be a burden to them?
This applies to both women and men, but some people approach it like a service at a sex establishment—in other words, they’re only looking for intimacy.
They may not be suited to dating clubs, but as long as they don’t violate Universe’s rules, they can still participate as members.
If the woman you went on a date with was that type of person, she may well have found it burdensome. But there are all kinds of people, so that’s unavoidable.
It’s up to you whether you want to look for someone who shares your outlook or adjust your dating style to suit the woman.
If you want to continue seeing a particular woman, you may need to accommodate her preferences. On the other hand, if you want to find someone you’re compatible with, you can meet women who suit you better.
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It probably depends on the person, so it would really help if you asked about it at the first meeting so you can work out your terms together. Once you’ve met a few times, it can become harder for both of you to bring it up, right?
If you tell her that you’re hoping for a long-term relationship, and explain that you’d like to spend time together at different times and go on different types of dates to deepen the relationship, she’ll probably take that into consideration too. If she doesn’t know that your goal is to deepen the relationship and you simply make dates at various times, she may feel that you’re difficult to make plans with—especially if she works full-time or is a homemaker.
Of course, some girls prefer to keep things casual, while others want a long-term relationship with one person. Hopefully, you’ll find someone whose values align with yours.
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In papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), my top priorities are the allowance amount and having the schedule work around me. People who are okay with both are more likely to become long-term arrangements.
You might be thinking, “Can things really work out that conveniently?” Well, no—it’s not that easy.
I’ve had a huge number of people who ended things after the first meeting or just a few dates. When I first started, I was still inconsistent about both points, so things never felt quite right, and I also received some completely off-base offers.
Now that I have people who meet both of those requirements, I can accept their “resignation” immediately, and even if they use a resignation service and block me, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
That said, now that I’ve settled on this arrangement, I only make offers to people I genuinely want to meet, assuming they’ll be willing to accept it. From there, it’s simply a matter of whether they agree. Even if I’d like to meet someone, I can no longer make an offer unless they meet both requirements.
I’m satisfied and enjoying myself. I hope you continue with your activities in a way that makes you happy as well.
I hope this helps.
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You’re still in your 40s, aren’t you? Try making lots of offers. You might just find the woman who matches your ideal. It took me 10 years, though…
I met one woman when she was 18, and after eight years without any adult relationship at all, there’s no longer even an allowance involved. She’s become like a real daughter to me—someone I enjoy sharing drinks with, haha. We only go on dates about four times a year, but I enjoy listening to her talk about things like calling off her engagement or job hunting, and watching her grow. For someone like me who doesn’t have children, our relationship has become one of the ideal forms of papa-katsu.
That said, since this is papa-katsu, when I also sought an adult relationship, my long-term arrangements ended up being mainly with married women who wanted to fill their loneliness and find some comfort.
With one woman in her mid-50s, whom I’ve been seeing for three years, we went through a period of having dinner-only dates with no adult relationship. But eventually, it became more like, “I want you to hold me every time we meet…” Still, it’s not just about spending time indoors—she’s also taken an interest in hobbies I introduced her to, and we’re expanding that world together.
I also see women in their 30s and 40s, but I feel that I’ve been able to maintain long-term relationships because we share the same hobbies, or they have work related to my interests—something we can always talk about. I hope this helps.
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> I feel that it’s not enough to simply meet, have a meal, and have an adult relationship (intimate); you also need to spend some time deepening the relationship a little.
Personally, I think it’s important to carefully observe what the woman wants. Here’s what my monthly arrangements are like. The dates are different with each woman, but one thing they all have in common is that we only have an adult relationship when she wants to. I never initiate it myself.
**Tied for 1st:** The ratio of intimate dates to meal dates is about 50/50. I’m essentially supporting her financially.
**Tied for 1st:** No intimacy at all. She has children, so I want to give her some time to herself. My main role is basically babysitting.
**3rd:** We only have an adult relationship. We meet for no more than two hours. Our physical compatibility seems perfect, and she shows no interest in regular dates. We only had a meal date once, at our first meeting; every meeting since then has been intimate.
**4th:** We only have an adult relationship. We stay overnight every time and are intimate twice—once before bed and once in the morning.
**5th:** We have more meal dates, at roughly a 2:1 ratio of meals to intimacy.
I only have intimacy with the women ranked 3rd and 4th, but we’ve still become more than close enough.
All you can do is observe the other person and offer them what they want. If she wants a long date, have a long date. If she prefers short dates, you might meet, become intimate right away, and part ways within two hours.
Also, most of the respondents here have their own dating style. Those who prioritize intimacy seek out women who don’t need meal dates, those who prioritize driving continue seeing only women who enjoy going for drives, and people like Mr. Paper Airplane, who focus mainly on meal dates, continue seeing women who love meal dates.
I’m probably rather unusual in that I don’t have a particular dating style of my own—I adapt entirely to the woman. I think the person asking the question should first decide whether they want to put themselves first or the woman first, and then move forward by asking, “So what should I do?”
**Update:** The beautiful woman in her mid-30s who joined my monthly arrangements this year prefers meal dates, and even on days when we’re intimate, she almost always wants to start with a meal or afternoon tea. Aside from my ace, she’s the first woman of this type I’ve met, and she’s made me think, “Dates can actually be fun.”
**Update 2:** Nice to meet you, Ringo-sensei. Welcome☆
**Update 3:** Hello, Masato from Fukuoka. You’re more than welcome♪
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① From a woman’s perspective, can that kind of deepening of the relationship—or suggesting a different way of meeting than usual—sometimes feel burdensome or bothersome?
→ It depends on the woman. If you’re asking whether it can happen, then yes, I’d say it can.
② Is this kind of way of thinking too serious for a dating club?
→ I don’t think it’s particularly too serious, but I do feel that the questioner’s way of thinking itself is a bit much. Why worry about it so much? Wouldn’t it be enough to simply ask each woman?
③ Should I think about it in a more detached, casual way? Or have I simply not met someone who suits me yet, meaning there may be women with similar values if I keep looking?
→ “Think about it in a more detached, casual way” basically means giving up on looking, right? I don’t think there’s any need to do that. You might eventually meet someone who thinks similarly.
I’m guessing you’ve made offers to several women and gone on dates, but whenever you suggested “going out together, meeting in a different way than usual, or occasionally meeting at night even though weekday daytime is the norm,” they turned you down, leaving you disappointed. Since the offer fees add up, you’re wondering whether to settle for the women you’ve already met or make even more offers in search of some unseen “bluebird,” so to speak. Is that right?
If you’re undecided, you should make the offers. You might meet a woman whose values align with yours. You might not, but keep making offers until you reach your own point of acceptance. Actually, I suspect you’ll make the offers anyway. The fact that you’re still conflicted means you haven’t given up on the possibility.
That said, is “going out together, meeting in a different way than usual, or occasionally meeting at night even though weekdays during the day are the norm” really so difficult? It may not be a matter of having matching values, but rather matching circumstances. A woman who doesn’t want to run into friends or acquaintances probably won’t want to go out together, and someone who lives with her parents and has strict parental supervision may not be able to meet at night. Why not listen a little more carefully to each woman’s circumstances? Stop treating “values” like such a grand, profound issue.
P.S.
Are you Ringo-sensei from Yakurigaku Kyoshitsu? I watch you on YouTube all the time.
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As you said, everyone has their own approach.
Some women do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) purely as a job, while others treat it more like looking for a romantic partner who will give them spending money over the long term.
I enjoy going on dates at different times and places, such as shopping centers and theme parks, so I look for women who feel the same way and maintain long-term arrangements with them.
That said, plenty of women probably find that kind of thing bothersome.
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I think we should stop treating people as if they all fit the same mold.
Why do so many people insist on saying things like, “Women are this way,” “Men are that way,” or “People with Type C dating styles are like this”?
The other person is human, just like you. Everyone has different preferences and ways of thinking, and they won’t always react the same way.
People who lump everyone together and treat them like mass-produced products will, in turn, be treated that way by others.
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It’s important to do what makes you feel comfortable.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is about bringing each other joy, so more than anything, meeting the woman you’re seeing should genuinely make you feel happy, excited, grateful, and glad to be with her. If she can feel that from you…
That’s when she’ll gradually feel comfortable opening up about her own feelings too.
Time and worrying about what to do don’t really matter here.
What matters is whether your feelings can reach each other.
I think relationships with someone you can express your feelings to early on are the ones that tend to last.
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