I’ve been seeing a woman through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for about 11 months. Is that considered a long time?
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Also, we met for an adult relationship (intimate) the day before yesterday and yesterday, and she felt looser than usual during penetration. She says she hasn’t seen anyone else during the 11 months since meeting me, but I’d appreciate your thoughts.
She apparently doesn’t want me to suspect that she’s been seeing someone else, so she sends me several LINE photos a day with Instagram effects and timestamps showing what she’s doing.
“I want you to be mine alone.”
I can understand where that feeling comes from. But being controlling never does anyone any good. We papas have lived plenty of life already, but their lives are only just beginning. I hope you can give young, beautiful women the freedom they deserve.
Edit:
I’m dead 😂😂😂😂😂
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Whether it’s long or short depends on how long you’ve been active. After one year, it would be considered long; after five years, short.
If you haven’t been seeing anyone, I don’t think it would feel loose. If anything, it would fit better and feel snugger.
If you haven’t been seeing anyone, you probably wouldn’t think to send photos every day in the first place.
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In my case, it feels like the relationship officially starts after we’ve done H about 11 times—not 11 months. Until then, it’s basically a trial period while we see how things go.
After about 110 times, I start to develop an emotional attachment. By that, I mean I won’t be the one to end things unless there’s some truly serious reason.
I’m being fairly serious here.
To be more specific: up until the 11th time, I might end things by deleting your unread messages. After that, even if I decide to end it, I’ll at least say, “Thank you for everything.” Once it’s been over 110 times, I won’t end things.
For me, 110 times would probably take about two years, assuming things continued smoothly.
It feels looser simply because it’s right after she’s been with another guy. That much is certain. But if it’s happening on consecutive days, she may have already opened herself up beforehand.
As for getting a ton of messages on social media, maybe that’s simply the kind of person she is.
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People naturally compare things.
In real estate, for example, they say it’s effective to show someone the worst property first, then gradually introduce better ones. That way, the better property feels even better than it would have if they’d shown it first.
So if the person asking had been with someone else before, that could be part of the comparison. Even if not, it’s possible that the questioner’s own was smaller than usual.
There isn’t enough information to know whether the other person had been with someone else, and if you can’t trust them that much, perhaps it would be best to end things.
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I’d say three years or more counts as “long-term.” There are quite a few people who’ve been together for a year, but once it reaches three years, you can count them on one hand.
After three years, you really start to feel comfortable with each other in every sense. It’s easy being together, and the intimate side becomes more natural too. You learn what feels good for both of you, so you can get in sync without having to say much.
I’m not at all attached to having someone all to myself. In fact, I’m more of the opinion that, for both people’s peace of mind, it’s better to manage around three reasonably trustworthy partners well.
As for a woman’s vaginal feel changing, I do think it can happen when she starts being intimate with another man. A gynecologist once told me that, especially when she finds someone she truly likes, the female body—particularly when it functions well—adjusts to him.
There have been several times when I thought, “Something feels different,” only to find out she had met someone she liked. So I don’t think it’s entirely untrue.
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The women most likely to be exclusive are:
- Women who aren’t short on money, or who are being generously supported by a papa.
- Women who are busy with work.
- Women with more niche looks.
With the exception of these three types, they definitely have other papas too and are seeing other well-endowed men.
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Isn’t it about how much allowance you’re giving her?
If you’re giving her around ¥100,000 a month, then it’s understandable for her to be okay with some possessiveness, and she may even pretend that you’re the only one she’s seeing.
Rather than her becoming less committed, maybe you’re having trouble getting it up because you’ve done it so many times.
Men are creatures who get bored.
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Am I the only one who feels like this is made up?
Eleven months is actually a fairly long time. Whether it continues depends on the man’s intentions too, so it’s hard to say.
For Fuu, the longer arrangements last for years—sometimes even four years. Other times, it ends after the very first day.
Young women can be unpredictable and often have a lot of life changes. Attractive women also frequently end things quickly because they’re competing with rival papas over the terms.
One possibility is that she had back-to-back dates the day before yesterday and yesterday. Maybe the person you’re seeing is getting bored, or perhaps she’s not feeling it, so things have become rather casual?
I’ve said this countless times whenever questions like this come up, but why bring this sense of chastity—insisting on being exclusive—to something as trivial as papa-katsu? I honestly don’t understand. Are you planning to get married? lol
Since you seem to believe in being exclusive, I think she’s sending you her Instagram out of consideration. You could probably settle it with one simple line: “You don’t need to send me your Instagram anymore.”
Unless you’re paying a pretty substantial allowance, papa-katsu women are doing this because they want the money, so you should assume they’re seeing multiple people and have other papas as well.
If you don’t like that, then pay the woman’s entire required allowance, including what she gets from her other papas, prepare a place for her to live, and keep her exclusively for yourself—like a mistress in the old days.
The women Fuu has monthly arrangements with have other papas, boyfriends, friends-with-benefits, and even husbands. They’re all having a great time with everyone…
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