I’m a university student, and this was my first Universe date.
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At our first café meeting, the man I met as a B2 type told me, “Since you take such good care of your hair, I can regularly send you money through PayPay each month for your salon and clothing expenses. If there are any clothes you want, just send me the URL and I’ll buy them for you. I can have them delivered to your home, or I can bring them to our next meeting after they’re delivered to me.”
We had a pleasant conversation at the café for about two hours, then went our separate ways.
Afterward, along with a thank-you message, I told him, “I really appreciated your thoughtfulness, so I’ve already booked an appointment at the salon.” After that, he stopped replying.
Did the way I phrased it make him uncomfortable?
Also, since this was my first date, should I report something like this to the staff through a survey or some other channel?
I currently have offers from three other men, and communication with another man I met yesterday has been going smoothly. I want to continue receiving offers with peace of mind, so I’m unsure how to interpret this situation and how I should handle things going forward.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
On a first date, both people are often excited, so some men may say all kinds of nice things.
However, once they part ways and get home alone, they may calm down and suddenly feel that things moved a little too quickly. It seems there are quite a few men like that.
So when a man says things during the first date like, “I’ll pay for your hair appointment” or “I’ll buy you some clothes,” it may be emotionally easier to take those offers seriously only after the relationship has actually continued and become established.
I don’t think there was any ill intent behind your message saying, “I’ve booked my hair appointment.” However, the man may have panicked a little, thinking, “Wait, have we already moved on to assuming I’m paying?”
So this time, I think it’s fine to view it simply as a slight mismatch in timing.
Since you’ve been communicating smoothly with other people, there’s no need to blame yourself too much.
Personally, I also think it’s best to believe in any extra generosity only after you’ve actually received it.
Take things at your own pace, and I hope you find someone you feel comfortable with.
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Maybe you came across as a wary, hard-to-catch bass—like one that barely reacts when you cast a lure?
To keep it from happening again, maybe bite with enough enthusiasm to get the hook caught in your lower lip.
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It’s basically the ABCs of psychological tactics for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but women should never directly ask for money. Instead, subtly appeal to him by repeatedly whispering in his ear that you’re struggling financially or want to become more beautiful.
Even if a man is starting to feel inclined to help, the moment a woman directly says, “Then please give me some money,” his enthusiasm will instantly disappear. It’s like fishing: even after you get a bite, if you pull too hard, the fish will get away.
The only situation where you need to be clear and direct is when negotiating the allowance amount. Other than that, never ask for anything yourself. Just keep waiting for him to offer it.
Keep working at it. The world of papa-katsu has more depth than you might think.
To put it in a more relatable way than fishing, it’s kind of like a livestreaming idol encouraging viewers to buy paid content or send donations. You show how hard you’re working, then act overjoyed only when someone pays. It’s a psychological trick that leaves the person who spent the money feeling good afterward.
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I believe the conversation was that, since this was a B2 arrangement, once you started meeting regularly for an adult relationship, he would send you money regularly via PayPay for things like your monthly salon and clothing expenses, so there would be benefits for you—and that you should meet on a monthly arrangement.
That said, you haven’t entered an adult relationship yet, nor have you started a monthly arrangement. So if he received a message saying,
“I really appreciated your thoughtfulness, so I went ahead and booked an appointment at the salon,”
he would probably be taken aback.
You might want to message him something like:
“I’m sorry—I misunderstood. I’m okay with an adult relationship next time. (That is, if you’re genuinely comfortable with it.) When would you be available to meet?”
I thought it was nice that, for someone in her twenties, you seemed somewhat inexperienced. However, he may have gotten the impression that you’re only interested in money, so try to recover the situation smoothly.
Also, even if you do enter an adult relationship once, that may be the end of it if he feels you’re not quite right for him or that things aren’t what he expected. So it seems you still have to keep working at it.
That said, please be careful not to push yourself too hard.
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After reading your question, I understand that you sent a message implying you would accept what the other person offered you.
In return, did you offer the man anything?
Personally, unless it was something interesting enough to make a good topic of conversation with the staff, I wouldn’t report such a minor matter in a survey.
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What do you mean by “I’ll send you money regularly via PayPay”? I’d understand if he said, “I’ve sent you some money—use it for things like a salon appointment,” but...
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I’d just chalk this one up as a no-go and forget about it.
That papa may have meant that he intended to support you in that way if the relationship continued, but if he was saying that at the first meeting, it would have been much cooler if he’d simply paid for your salon appointment on the spot.
Anyway, as others have said, the safest approach is to take things slowly while seeing how it goes.
I’m glad the other three arrangements seem to be working out. Enjoy yourself!
Hope this helps.
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Yeah, that was probably a little too soon, lol.
If you’d gone on one more date, had an adult relationship (intimate), and gotten to know each other better, he might have given it to you.
But right after the first meeting? From the papa’s perspective, you could just take the PayPay transfer and ghost him, so I don’t think he’d pay.
You might not be that kind of person, but since you haven’t even had an adult relationship (intimate) yet, he can’t trust you just yet.
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