I’m in my 30s and will have been registered for two months soon. I’ve met four men so far.
Because my child is still young, the amount of time I can make available each month is limited. So while I’d like to build a long-term relationship with one person, I’ve also lived in a very small world and would like to meet a variety of people. I’d appreciate your thoughts on my situation.
There was someone who seemed to like me and said he wanted to start seeing me regularly. I was completely fine with that too.
However, he then said that he wanted to stay in contact as often as possible, that he had decided to see only one person, and that he was probably the type to become emotionally demanding. That made me hesitate a little.
I was still considering it, but since he could work around my schedule and I hadn’t received any offers since my first month, I decided to try seeing him. I explained that I might not be able to stay in frequent contact and that I preferred a more casual, low-maintenance relationship, and he agreed.
After that, while we were arranging the date for our next meeting, he asked about the details of the other three men, why I had chosen him, and whether I really wasn’t receiving any offers. I thought, “So this is what he meant by being emotionally demanding.”
Then he asked again, “Are you really not getting any offers?” When I said no, he told me, “I’m going on hiatus, so you should take a break too!”
Some people choose to see only one person, while others see several. But being told this made me feel an unsettling anxiety, and since I’ve only met four people and have no prior experience, I’m confused about whether this is normal or unusual.
I suppose you could say the answer is already clear, but for future reference, I’d like to hear from anyone who has dated only one person or has been told, “You’re the only one.” If this kind of thing is just a standard line, what would be the best way to respond?
I’m not sure I’ve explained myself very well, but I’d really appreciate your advice.
Thank you.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
It’s flattering that he likes you enough to want you all to himself, but you clearly told him from the start that you ideally wanted a straightforward, uncomplicated relationship, didn’t you?
Even so, someone who comes on strongly and tries to monopolize you may become even more demanding over time, so I don’t think you should ignore that feeling of discomfort.
If it were me, I’d say:
“I might consider it if the terms and relationship made me feel secure enough to willingly end all my other arrangements.”
Rather than simply demanding restrictions from the woman by saying he wants exclusivity, a man who can build a relationship that makes her naturally want to choose him—and feel comfortable doing so—is more likely to make things last in the long run.
Please value your own feelings.
P.S.
It’s sad not having an answer from Makeinu-san 😢
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Telling you to take a break is against the rules, so he’s a bad guy. It’s fine if you choose to leave on your own.
Try negotiating by saying, “I’ll quit, so please raise my allowance.” Name a generous amount—enough that you’d be satisfied even if you cut off your other backup options.
If he really likes you and wants you exclusively, he should be able to do that. That’s what an exclusivity agreement is for. Being exclusive—or being kept exclusively—for the going rate is too sweet a deal.
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Whether you put all your trust in him and focus on just one person, or cut him off and keep things casual with other papas, I think either choice can be the right one.
You’re a single mom, right? If so, you’ve been through a divorce, and maybe you’ve lost confidence in your ability to judge men for yourself. Isn’t that why you’re asking here—because you want someone else to make the decision for you?
I understand not wanting to get hurt or regret your choice, but you should still decide for yourself. Otherwise, your life will stop being your own.
There’s no way to know what the right answer is. What matters is making the decision yourself.
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It’s questionable whether a man who says he’s taking a leave of absence will actually do so. The fact that he says he’s suspending his membership rather than quitting altogether is suspicious in itself. Of course, even if he says he’s quitting, I doubt he’ll actually follow through.
As for what you should do, judging from your question, it sounds like you don’t really want to take a leave of absence, so I don’t think you should.
As for how to explain that to him, you could say that you’ve suspended your membership even though you haven’t. In your LINE messages with the staff, tell them that he asked you to suspend your membership and that you’d like his profile hidden. Since you’ve already gone on a date, his profile may already be hidden, but it’s worth confirming.
Be careful, though: if he asks a friend who’s already a member of Universe to check whether you’ve really suspended your membership, he may find out.
That said, even if you tell him you’re not taking a leave of absence, there’s a good chance this will end things between you. So I think it would be better to have his profile hidden individually.
He’s the one breaking the rules in the first place, so I don’t think you need to worry about it.
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There’s no one right answer to something like this, but speaking personally…
If you like being controlled, you can continue seeing him as is. But if not, I think you’re better off cutting ties with this possessive papa and looking for someone else.
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Isn’t it too early to decide? Since it sounds like a hassle, I’d say end things with that one person and continue seeing the other three—maybe once a month each.
In the meantime, accept any new offers that come along and narrow it down to someone you genuinely feel safe staying with long term.
Or just choose the papa (male supporter) who offers the best terms and doesn’t insist on being your only one, lol.
Why bring the idea of sexual exclusivity into papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? I honestly don’t get it. If he wants to control you, why doesn’t he get married? Or offer enough allowance to cover what all your other papas pay you and take you on exclusively? ^_^
It’s far too convenient for him. The whole “I’m not sure if it’s true, but I’ll narrow it down to one, so you should too” argument isn’t fair.
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With my biggest smile, I’d say, “I understand. I’ll date only you and put my account on hold. So, what terms would you offer each month?” Then I’d decide.
I had a first meeting today too, and I told him, “You’re free to see other papas or have a boyfriend as well.” If a papa expects her to turn down everyone else, he should be prepared to show that he’s serious too.
In my case, I don’t have enough commitment or financial means, so I suppose that’s my only option…
Hope this helps.
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Personally, I’ve never pressured anyone I was seeing to take a break from or leave the service, but I’ve heard from women that there are quite a few men who do ask that of them.
I’ve also been told by women that some men date multiple women during the setting process.
So I don’t think it’s unusual—it’s fairly common.
No one can tell you exactly what the right way to respond is. I think you need to make your own decision based on your circumstances and what the man you’re seeing wants and thinks.
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