I’d love to hear from the answerers about how to spot a good papa (a male supporter)—whether it’s possible to tell from the messages or over tea at the first meeting.

Even though I’m spending money on the offer fee, allowance, and other expenses, there are hardly any women who make me think, “I’d like to keep seeing her.” I end up feeling depressed on the way home from these dates. The information you get beforehand is basically useless. Every time feels like a gamble, just trying your luck. Please tell me how to spot the good ones in advance 🙏

I think a papa (male supporter) who tells you the terms of the arrangement, what he’s looking for, and the allowance during the first-meeting discussion for an initial offer is a good one. *It’s even better if he’s considerate enough to book a private room.* If you can’t agree to what he wants, but he listens to your requests and accepts them, you should be fine. On the other hand, be careful with a papa who hasn’t agreed on any terms and simply says, “Let’s go to a hotel.” I know it can be difficult, but before going, gather the courage to confirm your preferred allowance, time, what the meeting involves, contraception, and so on. It’s best to agree in advance on how much the allowance will be for dinner and how much for an adult relationship (intimate). The first meeting is your best opportunity to state your preferences. If you don’t reach an agreement the first time, those terms may become the default. Prepare how you’ll ask and what you need to confirm, and good luck. I hope you get an offer from an ideal supporter.

>How to spot a good papa (you can usually tell from the messages or over coffee) At the messaging stage, I think the only thing you can really tell is that truly strange people tend to write strange messages too. Other than that, I’d say most decent people do the following. When you meet for coffee or a meal, you can learn a lot more because you’re seeing the person face-to-face. In general, women tend to consider someone less desirable if he treats the staff poorly, doesn’t show consideration for her, chooses an inappropriate place to eat, talks loudly about the allowance where other people can hear, or touches or tries to kiss her in public. This is basically a process of elimination to filter out people to avoid, but I feel that doing just this can significantly increase your chances of finding a good papa.

Simply put: He listens to what she wants to talk about. He talks about what she wants to hear. That’s all there is to it. A papa (a male supporter) either fulfills a woman’s wishes or he doesn’t. If he can’t have the kind of conversation you’re looking for, he probably won’t do other things to make you happy or have fun with you either. Since it’s your first meeting, you shouldn’t run out of things to talk about. If the conversation turns to topics you don’t want to answer or discuss, you probably can’t expect an enjoyable relationship going forward.

I know how to spot a “bad P,” rather than a good one, during the negotiation stage. ■ The “You’re only allowed to see me” P ・“I want you to be exclusive with me.” ・“I want you to quit the club.” ・“No boyfriends.” ↑ These are completely out of the question. If he wants to say things like that to a woman, he needs to clearly present the terms—for example, “I’ll pay you ¥1 million every month in advance, so I’d like you to enter into an exclusive arrangement with me.” Without specific terms, a woman has no way to judge the offer. Any P who says those things without offering clear terms is a person to avoid. ■ The P who won’t mention the allowance There are quite a few of these around, too. If the allowance is only ¥10,000, it’s barely acceptable for him not to mention it beforehand, leave her feeling anxious, and then hand her ¥10,000 on the way out, saying, “Here.” And by “barely,” I mean it’s basically unacceptable even if the allowance is ¥10,000. ■ The P who doesn’t tell you how long you’ll be expected to stay This is another tricky one. Suppose he tells you the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) on a pay-per-meeting basis is ¥70,000, and you get excited thinking, “That’s not bad♡” Then you go to a hotel and he expects you to stay overnight—once before bed, once in the early morning, and once after waking up. You’d want ¥100,000 for that, right? There are also plenty of Ps who take women around all day on a dinner date for an allowance of just ¥10,000 or ¥20,000, so be careful. A P who doesn’t tell you the expected time commitment is a “bappy” (bad P). I’d love for the term “bappy” to catch on among papa-katsu girls. ■ The P who pries into every detail of your personal information Needless to say, these are completely out of the question. In short, a good P is the opposite of everything above: ・Seeing other Ps is totally fine. Please feel free to continue looking for a papa (a male supporter). Boyfriends are fine, too. ・For dinner, would ¥10,000 for two hours or ¥20,000 for four hours work for you? ・For an adult relationship (intimate), the allowance is ¥70,000, and the usual time in the room is two hours, or less than three hours at most. ・Protection will be used. ・He doesn’t ask for personal information. Someone who quietly presents clear terms like these—either during the messaging stage or at the first meeting, where others can’t overhear—is more likely to be a good P.

You’ve probably had a lot of experiences where you thought, “Wait, they’re making that many demands and trying to control me for such a small allowance?” To risk stirring things up, I’ve felt the same way as a papa (a male supporter). In the past, I’ve thought, “Huh? Even if I paid that much allowance, I’m not sure… What she wants and what she has to offer don’t really seem balanced.” Actually, maybe I’ve encountered more of the latter. But when you think about it, that’s only natural—people tend to be lenient with themselves and strict with others, lol. At first, I’d half-convince myself, “Maybe that’s just the going rate for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan),” and go along with it, but none of those arrangements lasted… The few girls who made me think, “Are you really okay with this allowance?” have continued seeing me. And because I value those girls, I sometimes give them bonus allowance, lol. Sorry, I’ve gotten way off track. To answer the question, I guess my conclusion is that you can’t really know from the messages beforehand or casual café chats. I think everything is decided in that brief moment when you meet and the subject of the allowance comes up. Actually, maybe someone who makes an unusually good impression over messages or during a café chat—that is, someone who tells you exactly what you want to hear—could be a person to avoid.

As everyone has said, I think it depends on what you’re looking for. My allowance is very low, but I make a point of meeting them, messaging, and keeping in touch on LINE after we start seeing each other so I’m never seen as a high-maintenance person overall. That’s probably why the people I’ve continued seeing haven’t considered me a bad papa (a male supporter). Just sharing my experience.

First, you should decide for yourself what makes a good papa (a male supporter). - A papa with a high allowance is good, even if the arrangement is stressful. - A papa with a lower allowance is better if things are stress-free. - A papa who meets and parts at a hotel and keeps things short is preferable. - A papa who takes you to restaurants or shopping places you want to visit is better. Of course, there are papas who are stress-free, generous (well-paying), and know how to handle dining out smoothly. But realistically, it’s best to decide in advance where you’re willing to compromise. Then, have the other person describe their ideal date and compare it with your own preferences.